Keling Killahs: Miss Vasantham

So, there are just 6 left here and 2 were gonna be knocked out for the night. Let's make this a fast one. KLKillahs thinks its bloody pointless to continue our review of this series because it is going to the ditches, and yes, go on, praise yourselves on TV, tell us about the milllllllllllllllions and millllllllllllllllllions of hardcore YIndians who watch you and support you and wanna garland you and hug you and kiss you and wish all of youse a very happy birthday.

Of course, that was what happened. The judges were heaping praise on the host cos it was his birthday. Granted, happy birthday. But seriously, editing the words of a brother-in-arms, "WE don't give a fuck if it's your birthday". A bit of professionalism we desire. Just a little bit. Not, take whatever is thrown at you because you mofos are tuning in to FREE TV tidak-apa attitudes.

I don't know. Is it because this program is funded wholly by the TV station and KLKorporate Yindian sponsors? Is it that the sponsors really couldn't give a fuck if the program their advertisements border isn't up to expectations? Is it that Kids Central can come up with better programming without having to resort to dumb fuck low blow productions? Well more about corporate issues later.

As per the norm, the host asked the judges what they thought of something or the other. Topic for the day was what did you think of the previous elimination where Kasthuri and R.Anita were unceremoniously bumped out. Maran expressed great shock at why Kas was out. We is thinking: Talk is very cheap. Granted you see the SMS bar full of messages saying she's gonna win the damn thing and even here on the tagboards we have many declarations of pure, unadulterated lau for the woman; but do all these blokes actually send in their votes? Do they really really part with 2 dollars of specimen currency to put their wallet where their mouth is at?

So, the show in all its infinite glory began with the dreaded Q n A. Where pretty girls make ugly statements. Question for this round was: Name me 2 contestants who you think will be eliminated this round and why? Before we get to them, a note to the producers. If you really really thought forcing girls who thought they'd just have a go at being the next beauty queen to become the next Big Bitch, was a good hook to the population that has already got sick and tired of this bullshit, think again.

To the girls, we share your pain. It is a dumb question to begin with. It's not like you're competing for a million dollars a la Survivor or the Amazing Race to "lie, cheat and steal" a la Eddie Guerrero [and may he rest in peace]. But that aside, THAT is the question. So answer it geddamit. KLKillahs has said time and again if you wanna push in wild-ass injects, at least inform the main players of the game [the girls]. You're only making people look more foolish and unprepared on stage.

Q n A

Jayanthi - First off the blocks. She was definitely shocked. But kudos for at least answering the damn question and not playing the politically correct stance. She went for Sonia [cos she's weak backstage, breakdown prone] and Yuva [just because she needed 2]

Devi Priya - She whacked us with one of her Thirukurals again. May Valluvar rest in peace having getting quoted on this show. And then she die die don't wanna name anyone. I know I know this is not the most splendid of all questions to be asked. But that is the game. Play it!

Sonia - Politics. Politicians. Tamil. Nuff said. It seemed from even the start of this show that Sonia was bound to be bumped out. But, she performed real well nevertheless. Even in this segment. Maran had a very insightful quip: "Even if she's weak and breaks down backstage, it doesn't matter as long as she is not like that before us on stage, which is what matters in the end". Well said.

Yuvaneshwari - Another politically correct one. She could do well for the next James Bond film. Ask how many different ways also don't wanna say who the 2 that should get out.

Kalaivani - Went with Jayanthi and Sonia.

Revathi - She named Jayanthi and Sonia. Sonia cos the whole "Miss V should be an ambassador of Vasantham Central" and "No, I is not knowing any Tamil" just didn't add up together. Her justification was fine. Fault isn't hers at all. About the only proper programming Vasantham ever offers our Hindi speaking Northie population is their weekly Bollywood films.

It's no wonder everyone has run off to Zee TV. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that bad producers make bad arrangements make bad criteria for ladies to join this ruckus make a poor Northie get thrown out all cos she didn't attend Tamil class in primary school. What was the criteria anyway? Tamil-speaking Indian? If we're not wrong, we did remember a Pakistani girl gracing the stage not a while back too. Read about 2 other bloggers who feel the same as the KLKlan, HERE and HERE.

Now the question is, if we had a member of the KLKlan who was Chinese by birth but was adopted into an Indian family and thus can speak Tamil, can she be the next Miss Vasantham? Again, common logic has zero impact on this TV station.

Swimsuits

We have to give it to the Group 2 girls for their renditions in their swimsuits. At least, their outfits looked MORE swimsuit than last week's beach BBQ versions. And oh did the girls sashay. Some even went an extra mile and oiled up before htiting the stage. And we're glad you were brainy enough to get that done. Ask Sunita, she'll tell you. Well, that's bout it. Oh sorry, one last thing. The KLKillahs, those still full of legal - testosterone, had only 2 words after watching Yuva's walkabout: SATI KAO! [the word legal is emphasized for the benefit of all the married members in the KLKlan]

Talk Show Hosting

The talent round thingy of the week was to see how well each girl handles some emotional bloke whose wife ran away. Why anyone would want to talk about their wife running away on a televised program is something we still don't comprehend. Still, it was a failure of a segment. If the idea was to jam the girls, it probably worked. None of them really got the better of Puravalan. But, KLKillahs still wanted that voiceover guy who did their MTV caller! Now, he would have made the ladies run riot on stage. Or take the table to his skull. Whatever.

Since the show was pitched as "prestigious" but now is as "high class" as any tentage on an open field theru kuuthu we know of, might as well get some good old raw violence on stage. In fact, that should have been done way back in the auditions. Get some chick who is pissed off enough to just go at the judges. A quick one-two-uppercut on Rafi would have hooked us for life. And then you can do a new spin-off on "The Rejected Ones", how they are coping, have they checked into IMH yet, etc. You get the idea. You're the media. Not us. You're supposedly the creative talents. We're fuckin science students! [To the arts students in the KLKillahs, my apologies. I'll send you your last paycheque and Frenster testimonial in the morning].

Results

So, who got knocked out? Sonia. Didn't we all see that coming? We even suspect the judges were mighty influenced by that pristine point Revathi brought up about needing a Tamil speaker as an ambassador. Still, with her performance in this episode, she was definitely not the one who deserved the boot. Next, we had Kalaivani. We indeed feel that both the girls didn't do hideously at all in this show. In fact they were one of the better ones. So, if the ACTUAL SMS counts were released for all to see, we could see how exactly the judges ranked each of the girls, using simple mathematics. [Something we Yindians invented by the way].

But that's not all folks. In order to give our own last minute injects into this whole fracas we hereby issue an offer to all the remaining 8 girls. KLKillahs will give you FREE SMS VOTES if you do something for us.

KLKillahs promises 25 SMS votes to any girl who says anything regarding our site on LIVE NATIONAL TV. That's a solid $50 not in cash but in kind. All you gotta do is plug us in somewhere in your answers. You should take a leaf from Devi Priya's books. She probably just memorizes 1-2 eloquent Tamil sayings and manages to plug it in no matter what question is asked of her. So, there you have it. We promise you these votes. We'll print our phone records to prove it. [On a personal note, I'll double the votes to any girl who says out loud the name Keling Killahs because apparently even the phrase "KLK" is censored by the damn moderator of that SMS ticker tape]. Ah, the sweet smell of bribery and basic economics.

We found an interesting diss on that god-forsaken SMS bar that 99.99% of the time flashes messages that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with the show in question. To get to it, click HERE [Post of Oct 15th].

And that's all folks. We're now left with just 2 more telecasts of this hopeless program and may God aid us in having the strength to last through it. Coming up, we are launching a new series called "KLKillahs Visit - ". Our first visit was done way back at Thaipusam , Panguni and then Theemithi and soon KLKillahs will be out in full force covering selected events of Yindian interest.

If you have an event to promote and would like to invite KLKillahs to attend [do include good freebies] or publicize it for you, do email us with full details. If you are a KLKorporate YIndian who would like to advertise on KLKillahs, we are more than willing to have a sit-down and discuss on how we can aid each other.

miss vasantham, vasantham central
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