KLKampbell Lane

KLKillahs took a bit of time off our busy schedules and decided to have a sit-down in the bustling Campbell Lane last week. Initially the agenda was all about a few smooth Heinekens and some "kodal" to "thottu nakku". However, things happened to take a turn up a different road. What can we say, we love to bitch.

Campbell Lane, nothing to do with that tin can of soup you tend to break out when mummy's not cooking, has always held court to many bustling businesses. The Towkays [and some say Great White Sharks] of Tekka, Jothi Store has held its KLKorporate HQ there for years and this year, much like previous years, there was a Deepavali Bazaar held by barring the lane to traffic and erecting massive tentages.

In the first place, it should not have been called a bazaar. What it should have been called was "THE EXTENSION". Every brick and mortar shop along the lane just EXTENDED their doorsteps a coupla metres forward, added a tentage and voila! A Bazaar! Wow. Pure marketing geniuses. Now why didn't WE think of that?

And yes, we hope this marks the demise of that goddamn SUPER DUPER Deepavali Expo they hold every year because there so happens to be an open field opposite Mustafa's. I say, quit the expo idea and launch an open air cinema. So, everyone has something to do in between all that shopping. Instead of the blokes crowding outside Oli's M3 effectively stopping traffic with their arses, let em have a picnic we say, and catch the same Vivek comedy scenes on loop.

Still, we made a quick walk through making sure that we didn't let any exquisite "product" out of our view. Upon reaching one particular section though, simultaneously all 3 of us KLKillahs had a new brainstorm. This bazaar was the ideal place to purchase accessories and items for next year's Thaipusam. What luck. Praba immediately found his calling. He was always the muscially inclined one amongst us, always wanting to drum his beats wherever he could find a hollow surface. We had to give a pass on this one because even if it is against the law, we'd like to be knocking on an instrument that had more "mangalam" to it. Unfortunately, this one wasn't red-yellow and just looked gay.

What we did find and bought 100 pieces of because we have never seen such beautiful artwork, stitching and material all in one joint was this:

Simply put: "Kala tapa Style mesti ada"

The KLKillahs then proceeded to yet another one of our legendary coffeeshop meet-and-greet sessions. At this vantage point, nothing missed our eyes. Even the ones who insist on pissing in the dark alleyway right below the Police CCTV camera, set up to catch errant pissers.

Is it that we then spotted the host of Miss Vasantham trudging through the bazaar evidently to do some shopping for the festive weekend?

We did raise our hands to get his attention but were met with a nonchalant expression. A pity. We were seconds away from walking over to introduce ourselves. "Hi, I'm ah_neh, and I'm a KLKIllah. These are my mates Praba and Chandi. Oh and by the way, could you please get that bloke Rafi to take off his shades?". We couldn't introduce KL (Kuala Lumpur) Killah and K(ama)L Killah yet as they hadn't signed our lengthy confidentiality agreements [mostly because the table was wet with melting icecubes].

Alas, you can't just go up to "celebrities" and introduce yourself these days. Who knows, they might have their contingent of bodyguards hiding behind one of the lampposts ready to ambush any naysayers. Well, his car license plate number will have to suffice. We rolled it for both Sat and Sun draws. But the cursed numbered balls also decided to play "celebrity" with us.

Now you may question, what was the fuckin point of this post at all? Did it have a moral to the story? Why the fuck are you just blabbering on about what you did, where you walked, and how there was a total lack of beauties in Tekka on a dismal Tuesday afternoon? Ah, but there is!

When you take 2 photos and MMS it to your e-mail for a grand total of 60 Singapore Cents, you sure as hell will take the time to plug in a huge story just so these 2 photos can see the light of day. So, sorry. We're Yindian.

With that said, hope you had a marvellous Deepavali, and we welcome readers' posts on your tremendous or horrendous Deepavali experiences. Email us your material and we'll post it up.