Wednesday, February 28, 2007

KLK·ontroversial Kompetition II

Part 6: Interview with a Vidiyalite is going to be akan datang-ed due to the stratospheric egos noticed among our new found celebrities. Catching an interview with the Queen would require less kow-towing. [In reality, ah_neh was just without access to the ingterneck the past few days, that ku ku jiao, doesn't know when to go M.I.A]

Part 5: The People Speak

Our sampling of the many KLKomments surrounding Dhool in the blogosphere. Taking them objectively is entirely optional..

They Didnt like:

Farzana - "....The worst part of the whole thing is.THEY GOT SECOND.why do the best always get SECOND.i don't know why.But NUS Vidiyal won it all.they got obviously because of the voting.atleast thats what i think.they had and edge over acidhouz because of their popularity.damn the voting.ACIDHOUZ WAS THE OBVIOUS BEST AT THE FINALE..."

- "..Last sun dhool competition rock'd except for the results.... i so want'd a 1-2 finish for Acid Houz and Diversity... sadly.. the judges and the vot'n screwed up... I personally thk its so dumb to hav voting in talent show... i mean. wat happens if a team is freak'n lousy n they get to win thanx to jus the sms votes?! its so freakin unfair!!! - arghhh!! nvm.... done is done...."

- "...Diversity & Acid Hauz did amazingly but NUS won. They so do not deserve it!Even the article today quoted the judges sayin tt the public vote helped them win the title but the former 2 were much better.That might catch NUS full on their face. Aikx!..."

Malini - "..Okie.. this is a post on the Dhool 2007 competition which took place yesterday.. and I am super duper pissed off with the result..A team from NUS known as NUS Vidiyal won the damn competition.. wth!.. how can they ever win it?.. Just because they are from NUS doesnt mean a FUCK!.. naturally all these Indians have a perception... that Indian kids from NUS are more 'decent' than the other Indian kids who make it to Polys or ITEs.. and for goodness sake.. that doesnt mean a SHIT!.. and btw.. I do HATE Indians from NUS..."

- "...The truth: I have nothing against them. No.1 university in Singapore. Nice school. Not everyone have the chance to study there.The fact: pls give chances to the rest of the schools in sg. NUS is not the only one. In singing competition, dance competition, whatever s***t competition they participate , they are always choose as no.1. I just wonder whether the media has sign up some sort of agreement with them in terms of winning..."

They Like:

- "...yes we voted obsessively, many times at that. but if you are in to win a competition and you are supporting a team that you hope to have win the competition wasnt tt part of the process of supporting?..."

"...anyway the dancers are well aware tt on the finals they were not the best group there. but hey their supporters ensured they got the victory. n biased comment insert-- they worked their bloody asses off... n dared to be different.. they knew the dance they were doing was a risk.. it was unchartered territory for them n it was a risk they were willing to take for the finals. so for tt i m happy they won...."

Miss Exothika - "...I was mesmerized by NUS Vidiyal’s performance in the 1st round. However, I think Diversity took over the lead in the 2nd round. NUS deserved that Victory. I think there was something going on between AcidHouz and Veshnu (the judge). I didn’t fancy their performance in any way yet the dude was praising them for nothing. My personal favourites for last night were NUS Vidiyal & Diversity..."

They Dont Give A Damn:

- "... and as usual NUS won!!! Though they were good that's not the reason they always seems that the brand name NUS sells... their dance were very different from the others... their dance were all contemporary fusion and the TriDX was mainly hip hop and they were really good... and acid house was really the house favourite... however my eyes were glued to diversity... they should have called themseves diverSexy..."

Tiagesh - "...Look, i'm not an incredibly big fan of NUS. Be it Puyal , Vidyal, or any other vaal that may be. I do think there is a slight bias towards NUS. I remember this program which was some glorified school competition which had a really shitty dance, but they still got in. Of course, they somehow bucked up, danced really well for the semi finals and made it to a credible fourth placing. Or was it, 3rd? Like i said, not a big fanNow Vidiyal arent too bad. They did really well for the quarters and semis and i think probably deserve to be up there with the best.I couldn't watch the final, but based on their previous performances , i'm not surprised. I also understand you're required sychophantic sms freaks to win as well, but hey whose bothering..."

Karthik - "...Talks of Kalaichelvan started fillin' the room. I guess rumours will always be rumours, till there's substantial proof, that Mr Dhil Dhil (whom I find terribly irritating) was pullin the strings for NUS to win, in this case, Vidiyal.However, based on the comments of many who watched the show, I gather that Houz Houz and Diversity seemed much likelier winners. I guess it is only fair, to point fingers at the judges then, rather than to point towards Vidiyal. Dun get me wrong here, I am no Vidiyal supporter, and no sms from my phone was a vote for them, or any other group for the matter. Whatever the outcome, as the title suggests, life must go on. To Diversity and Houz Houz, I guess you guys did your best. To Vidiyal, congrats...

There you have it. Coming right up, Part 6: Interview with a Vidiyalite.

Tuesday, February 27, 2007


On a totally un-Dhool-ified sidenote, the tagboard is hereby removed. I could launch a 3 page expository essay [like what I teach my Sec 3/4 kids] on the pros and cons of allowing free, un-censored speech and the privileges of anonymous touch-and-go addicts; but I shan't.

We hope that readers with valid, pertinent comments will continue to do so in the "Comments" section cos that's what it's there for. Comment moderation is on "off" but it can always be switched "on" if need be.

In all frankness, wanna know why the the tag board really got removed?

Because I can.

KLK·ontroversial Kompetition

The War is over.. but the fires are yet to be put out.. KLKillahs definitely had our 2.14 [with 7 percent GST] cents worth on the entire brouhaha that has descended upon not only ours but Yindian blogs around the nation. Still, famed for our neutral "fuck up everybody" attitude cum repressed anger issues, we needed to show that all youse aint the only ones who know how to bitch. In fact, we kinda do it a helluva lot better.

NUS Vidiyal won. Some cheered. Tons boo-ed. Did they deserve it? According to word on the street [at least those we live in] NO. We find out why they think that way and what really gives. Consider this an episode of Mythbusters. [Yes, we know you haven't heard of it since SunTV gives you all the education you need in this lifetime]

Part 1: SMS Wars

The propaganda machine that NUS rolled out was almost Stalin-esque in its efficacy. Agitation by the SS-like "Vidyalites" running arnd campus, canvassing, passing out flyers, kisses, promises.. every damn trick in the book.. even directly/indirectly touching on their loyalty being NUS students.. Auw.

Non-indians? Dunno wads Dhool? Not going to watch? Who cares?! You are from NUS.. support bumiputra!! Netizens weren't left unperturbed by the crusade. Flaming was going on afterburners on tag boards all around town. Spam e-mail, MSN nicks/messages, Friendster bulletins, "cut and paste" flyers. Every possible string was pulled in order to bring in the most votes. Even this very blog, sullied its creed for neutrality and failed to moderate the "Pro NUS" tags that appeared in the dead of the night.

Let me clear the air, KLKillahs takes no sides. We're quite happy fucking up everyone in sight equally.

Now, the reality check. Perhaps we were only acquainted with the NUS war effort because of our close ties to the undergraduate community. How about the other groups? Did they also go on an all out Mortal Kombat for that measly 60 cent vote?

Myth Busted:

Every group DID sms/call/msn everyone in their immediate vicinity to garner votes for their cause. Everyone DID ask their immediate recipients to forward the message on. An eyewitness account related to one of the KLKillahs tells of how Kali Dancers were in fact distributing sweets in exchange for votes in Tekka to the general public. Another well-connected eyewitness tells of how he received the "Vote Me" mass sms message from ALL the 5 groups.

And if this entire SMS cheater bug tale was to be totally convincing, Vidiyal ought to have won the damn vote off shouldn't it? Here we produce a graph detailing the voting percentages as of the Friday before the Finals. Trust us, the actual figures don't differ much from this representation.

1st - Kali Dancers
2nd - Borders
3rd - NUS Vidiyal
4th - Anarchy 99
5th - AcidHouz


What is this SMS voting all about really? To select the best dancers? Or to see who has the most friends / relatives / 2nd - 3rd degree Friendster connections? Yes, the counter argument will be that "It's a competition, we do what it takes to win.". True that, leave humans to their own devices and they're bound to want to take top spot using anything within their abilities. Still, the spirit of finding the best dancers is just gone now isn't it?

Meritocracy is a system of government or other organization based on demonstrated ability (merit) and talent rather than by wealth, family connections (nepotism), class privilege, cronyism, popularity (as in democracy) or other historical determinants of social position and political power.
Underline "merit" and "popularity". Something our nation is built upon and prides itself on is the ideal of meritocracy. A competition obviously seeks to reward the ones who deserve the most merit amongst their competitors and not be rough-raped into being a democratic "Vote for me cos you like me" system.

Here the counter argument will definitely seek to implicate American/Singapore Idol's voting system. 26,000 votes for this competition. 3 million votes for Singapore Idol. And close to 100 million votes during the final stages of American Idol. Some of us here DO understand the law of averages. And furthermore, when you have 3 million people voting for 2 finalists, after the first 500 we're damn cock sure none of them even has the remotest personal relation to the finalists. In your speak this would be "The member is in your extended network. Please provide E-mail address or Full Name".

Part 2: Rumour Mill

Other then the Fuhrer chanting vote canvassing, word has been spreading, rumor has been mongering, that the NUS Alumni is alive and kicking within MediaKorp. A mini revolution was taking place during the time-wasting the very un-funny V1 and V2 were trying too hard to do. Fingers have been pointed at every possible media persona [mostly at the producer's levels] for being in cahoots with NUS Vidiyal, possibly exploiting their connection to their alma mater when calling in favours. Details, like all rumours on the street have been hard to come by and substantiate. Did art and talent truly prevail? Or are the naysayers to be believed that no matter where you go and what you do, it's your "friends" who matter the most?

Myth Busted:

I personally don't know how far this accusatory claim of lack of integrity is true. But I know what I'd do if I was a judge on this fated episode and someone came up to me and said "Well, we know that ***** won by your marks, still ***** is gonna take the prize because WE decided so".

This would be an apt moment to tell the offending turd to take that result slip, turn it sideways, and stick that sum'bitch straight up his candy ass. I might also be inclined to, go down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right at Jabroni Drive, and proceed to check his candy ass in at the Smackdown Hotel. [mandatory People's Elbow is released here]

Part 3: Convo with Random NUS Student

Me: do u think NUS deserved to win?

V: honestly no, as much as i am happy for them, i honestly thought that they were not the best today.

Me: can u please tell me why so?

V: their concept was good for the first dance...costumes were the most outstanding out of all the grps in my opinion...cos they were classy and attractive...unfortunately the execution of their first dance cld be betta...cos somewhere in the middle it started getting messy due to their coordination...expressions cld be made more impactful...then for the 2nd round i thot their dance was of least relevance to the music and the least creative as compared to acidhouse, steps, diversity and overall they were good but nt gd enuff to clinch the title. my inside info tells me tt the votes made all the diff. who were u expecting to win?

Me: god knows la.. me not interested in whu won.. but i think NUS bucked the trend.. and didnt do the 'typical' thing.. so i guess that appealed to me..

V: ok then gd tt they won then

Me: but got so much KLKontroversy.. i like :)

V: yea alot...pple actualli started booing so loudly when nus was announced as the winners.

Myth Busted:

Not all their supporters are mindless sycophants apparently. We apologize for failing to ask if "V" actually DID vote via SMS.

Part 4: Recap of the Finals

These being the only videos we could get a hold of at press time, enjoy these 3 groups who have entertained with their goyang goyang through the weeks.



Anarchy 99

NUS Vidiyal

This section will be updated as and when we receive the videos of the other 5 remaining groups.

More to come! Watch this space as we invite one of the Vidiyal teamsters to 'fess up on what they really think of all the criticisms flung their way and what they think won them the competition. All this in, Part 5: Interview with a Vidiyalite. After that we'll attempt to seal this with a collection of comments from around the blogosphere in Part 6: The People Speak.

Monday, February 26, 2007

Behind the Dhool

So, Dhool's over isn't it. While all you mainstream blokes might be just nestled in on the couch at 630 pm each Sunday attempting to marvel at acrobatics or wish you could controlled spin the way others did, there was an underground scene to it all. In fact, I think this was more interesting than the actual show. Now, if only the producers knew what we did, they could have worked it into their "we say it's reality but in fact there's nothing reality showy about it" show.

So, I'll give you the lowdown on something you might not have realized and the others will weigh in on their actual Dhool round up when they do.

Now hear my tale:

There once was a group called Acidhouz. And they put up a semi-final dance performance, very fusion-esque, looking like this:

Soon after though, a member of the ingterneck world recalled something that was repressed in his memory and pieced together a video diss that looked like this:

Enraged at the notion that someone was branding them a KLKopykat, the Acidhouz blokes took it upon themselves to resolve it with the aid of current prevalent technology and came up with this response:

Receiving kudos for the way they handled this apparent finger-pointing situation, the matter was laid to bed. Or was it?

Soon after another naysayer who is also living in self righteous originality realms posts this:

And we now leave this story with it's open ending. Because Yindian stories are not fun anymore if they actually do end.

Rajnikanth: Management Guru

Forget Peter Drucker and his Management 101. If you is Yindian and are gainfully employed in a managerial position, you might want to draw on Superstar's wisdom when it comes to the workplace.

Rajni’s punch:

“ Khanna naan yosikama sollrathile, sollittu yosikrithile’

Management Lesson:

Planning is absolutely important and having planned there is no need for any re-confirmation in the attainment of the objective.

Rajni’s Dialogue ( 16 vayathinile ) :

“ Ithu eppadi iruku”

Management Mantra:

Getting the opinion of the downline is very important for any top management. This makes an organisation very democratic”

Rajni’s punch ( in Dharmathin Thalaivan) :

“ Nan thatti kaetpaen, aana, kotti kudupaen”

Management mantra:

The top management can demand and at the same time reward probably thru Incentives and ESOPs.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Arunachalam ) :

“Sollraan, seiraan”

Management Mantra:

These two words just are good enough to understand the importance of Delegation and Implementation….both are very important to any professionally managed company.

Rajni’s Punch ( In Baasha ) :

“ Naan oru thadavai sonna, nooru vaati sonna mathuri “

Management Mantra:

In less than 10 words, he narrates the importance of proper communication skills and listening skills. There should always be clarity and authority in what the management says and the there should be no room for any misinterpretation. Also if the listening skill is well established, we can avoid waste of time and efforts in communicating the same subject thru phone, mails, memos etc..

Rajni’s punch ( in Baba ) :

“ Naan lateaa vandalum, latestaa varuven”

Management Mantra:

Even if there is delay in rolling out a product or service, we need to ensure that we deploy the latest methods and technology. This is important to all industries.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Baba ) :

“ Asantha adikirathu unga style. Asarama adikirathu Baba style”

Management Mantra:

It is very important to be pro active than reactive. This is particularly important for Telecom and Credit card companies. You need to be launching pleasant surprises to the consumers before the competitor knows about them.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Padaiyappa) :
“En vazhi thanee vazhi”

Management mantra:

You need to be different to succeed. Don’t choose a "me- too" line of business.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Engeyo kaeta kural ) :

“ Kai alavu kasu iruntha athu namma kappathum, athuve kazuthu iruntha atha namma kappathunum”

Management Lesson:

Here he clearly talks about treasury operations and wealth management services. The management should focus on their core business. Investment advice should be left to the wealth management companies or experts. In fact Mutual Fund managers should use this punch to multiply their clientele.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Baba ) :

Baba counting starts now 1,2,3,…

Management mantra:

Here he just narrates the importance of timelines….


Saturday, February 24, 2007


Parliament is in session. And if you think you have the right to clink glasses and piss and diss politics, do at least know what the issues at hand are. For a list of all questions and topics to be discussed in seatings, click HERE.

On our part, other than the usual Yindian dudes we see in the papers giving their 20 paisa worth on whatever is rocking their boat, we focus today on 2 Nominated Members of Parliament of Yindian ancestry and see what they bring to the table.

Mr Gautam Banerjee, Executive Chairman of Pricewaterhouse Coopers [CV]

On 1 July 2005, Gautam Banerjee was appointed as the Chairman of the Asia 7 Leadership Team and continues to be the Executive Chairman of PricewaterhouseCoopers Singapore.

Prior to this, Gautam was a member of the firm's executive committee since January 1996 and had experience leading various business units in the firm, including most recently, the firm's largest business unit, the Assurance practice. He has had partner responsibility for some of the firm's largest clients including Temasek and Singapore Telecom.

During his 22 years with the firm, he has contributed significantly to the development of PwC Singapore from a predominantly audit and tax practice to a multi-disciplinary professional services firm with capabilities in Risk Management, Corporate Finance and other business advisory services in Banking and Capital Markets, Telecommunications and Technology.

Gautam graduated from the University of Warwick and is a member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England and Wales and the Institute of Certified Public Accountants in Singapore.

Dr Kalyani K Mehta, a social worker and NUS Associate Professor [CV]

Dr Mehta enjoys teaching at the Department of Social Work and Psychology, National University of Singapore. She is also Managing Editor of the Asia Pacific Journal of Social Work, a journal produced by the department. Currently, she is Chair of the Department Research Ethics Committee and member of the University Senate.

She has conducted research on women, families and elderly. Her Master's thesis was on Attempted Suicide by Indian women in Singapore (1984) Her doctoral dissertation was on "The Dynamics of Adjustment of the very old in Singapore" (1994). Her research interests include Elder Care Policies and Services, Carers' Stress, Retirement, Widowhood, Gerontological Counselling Models, and Long Term Care. The cross-cultural aspects and experiences of the respondents are often highlighted in her research.

Dr Mehta has published three books, and a fourth co-edited book is in press. The last is entitled "Long Term Care in the 21st Century: Perspectives from around the Pacific Rim. " She has published more than 20 articles in international peer reviewed journals such as Ageing and Society, Journal of Aging Studies, International Journal of Aging and Human Development and Journal of Cross-Cultural Gerontology. She has also contributed chapters in highly reputed books on Gerontology and Care for the elderly.

Kalyani Mehta is a member of the Gerontological Society of America, British Society of Gerontology and Gerontological Society, Singapore. She served as President of the Gerontological Society, Singapore and represents Singapore in the International Association of Gerontology. She is also a Council member of the Asia Pacific Association of Social Work Education (APASWE).

She has been invited to present papers at numerous conferences such as the U.N. Economic and Social Commission for Asia and the Pacific (ESCAP) Regional Workshop on Preparations for the International Year of Older Persons (1998) held in Beijing; the Joint Conference of APASWE,International Federation of Social Workers (IFSW, Asia Pacific) and Australian Association of Social Workers held in Brisbane in 1999.

Kalyani Mehta has served as consultant to several international and regional organisations such as U.N. ESCAP (Bangkok) and Asia Development Research Forum, a programme sponsored by the International Development Research Centre (Canada). In Singapore, she is consultant to Samaritans of Singapore and Marine Parade Family Service Centre. In the arena of policy development she has made significant contributions as a member of the Advisory Council of Family and Aged. She is an active member of the Feedback Group on Elderly Development, Ministry of Community Development and Sports. On occasions she has been advisor to the National Council of Social Services.

Got it? Now watch out for them and let's see what pertinent views they provide on national concerns as pseudo-Yindian community representatives.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

A Tekka Sunday

Give him a vehicle and a video camera and this member of the KLKillahs doesn't go around Changi Village catching unsuspecting trannies in action. Instead, he decides to trawl the backlanes of Tekka attempting to meet-and-greet some of his long lost village well playmates. Episode 1 of "Tekka Sundays":

Was another Sunday at the Dad's shop. KLKo-opted my brother into doing a few rounds in the car before parking. You've heard tons of driver related horror stories. We tried to do a expose. Tried is the key word here. [Why you never ask me? I'd have told you about the time my pops horned at someone only to return to see the windshield smashed in right?]

The first sweep turned out to be largely uneventful. [You think? KNN make us sit through 3 mins of NOTHING? Where're the blokes chasing each other with aruvals dei?]

The second sweep we went into some back lane to find a parking spot. Still not much except for a colorful outburst from the "elder one" and my horrible nasal-blocked nose-commentary. [You should have just used your kuyil pattu technique in place of the horn]

Next week, we find a more aggressive driver. [And hopefully, MystiKal does his cussing and swearing with the windows DOWN instead of in air-con comfort and sound insulation.]

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

Scandal Dua KLKonfirmed

Do you recall Scandal Dua? Jumpstart your memory if you will then, HERE.

We insisted that this once TV pageant winner who had dissapeared into obscurity after heading off to peninsular India was in fact legally married and yet taking part in an international pageant this time around in the "Miss" category. We had a few naysayers then, who like all us opinionated Yindians do, came up with defensive gems like:

Anonymous said...
She is not married yet. I know her very closely.She is still single....

Geeta Ram said...
hi guys think all of you got it all wrong she's not married she was officially engaged to the former media corp singer Gopinath on the 1st of July 2006.She's not legally married if shes was she can never join the contest cos the organizers can always check with ROM and find the truth.I feel she's not that stupid to take such a big risk.I'm sorry to disappoint all of you.I'm her well wisher.

Well, the Miss Singapore India pageant concluded with much fanfare sometime back [30th Dec 2006]. Although our inside sources came through the minute the scandal broke, I decided to give it a bit of time lag just to prove the point that not everything is easily swept under the carpet especially when it's so in your face.

Fact 1. One time TV Pageant winner did indeed WIN Miss Singapore India 2006/7.

Fact 2. She was later discovered to have lied about her marital status in her application form.

Fact 3. The runner up, Jaishree was then bumped up to take the crown in her place.

Fact 4. All material workings were suppressed so as to protect the potential embarassment of the situation.

Fact 5. It was quite a shocker for those who attended and applauded the winner on that night only to check the website and see a different name attached to the crown.

Do you know now? That we never stop digging. No matter how old, KLKillahs bring it to you warmly served in a hot plate sizzling with black pepper and onions. [as opposed to fresh from the oven].

Late-ah vanthaalum Latest-ah varuvom.

Dhool Finals

So, there we have it. The build up to the finals of the reality show-esque [at least that's what they said] dance competition, Dhool.

The final 8 groups who will compete for the $10,000 cash prize and other supplementary prizes:

ACID HOUZ - hot favourites, have all their competitors on their toes

TRIDIAC - seem to only reign over the Hip Hop genre.

STEPZ - Loved their quarter final dance

DIVERSITY - Riding on the "Female" wave.

KALI DANCERS - Announced publicly that they take their cue from their "guru" who does the marjority of their choreography

NUS VIDIYAL - Said to be the most original of them all. Specialize in throwing the women around and acrobatics. Have history [past NUS groups] to live up to.

ANARCHY 99 - aka Movesh. Much experience on the variety show telly scene. Angel outfits were surprisingly pleasing.

BORDERZ 1:59 - rank up there together with Acidhouz. Left to be seen how the titans battle it out.

While you await the live telecast, be it at the studios or on your couch, let's have a go at what we thought of the programme. This time around, unlike a shoddy beauty pageant aired not too long ago, our coverage was very limited. See, Sundays are not stay at home days for the KLKillahs. We have social lives too. We need to play our footy too. And 6.30 on a Sunday is much more suited to aging housewives, aged senior citizens and little runts who didn't get permission to go down and play.


1. Reality Show Angle

Why is the reality show bug suddenly hitting all Yindian produced programmes. The website indicates a column of the "Latest Rumours". They make the judges and ousted groups face off. The groups of course go one up in true Yindian fashion. Just take a look at their Friendster profiles and the underground rumours and bitching going around.

2. The Layout

So, all in all, there were 3 dances each group did to get this far. One for the auditions, one for the quarters, one for the semis. Instead of testing the ability of all the dance-phytes across various dance styles and genres, in each episode, they were first allowed to put up something of their choice. Well, when you leave human beings in a competition and give them free play, they are definitely going to perform something to their strengths. Something of familiarity. Something they've done so many times, it's second nature. How then do you do a comparison? I only caught the episode where all groups were asked to do a village style dance. It was quite obvious to one of the judges there that most of them didn't know what the hell to do. How about ballroom dancing? That would have been a colonial hoot.

3. The Criteria

I think it's pretty fashionable these days to just let your judging criteria evolve over the course of the competition. I mean, is there no structure? Where all groups have equal knowledge on what categories and criteria they can rack up the points in? This is in contrast to getting chided for irrelevant props, garishly neon costumes, non-ability to transcend through different music and dance types. Weren't they all told? That these were sumsort what would take them through the competition? Or did everyone just go in blind?

For a more personal take on this competition, keling kween defends her NUS Vidiyal HERE.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Thaipusam 2007 Unveiled

In stark contrast with the previous year, I found myself standing like a tourist on the outside of Dhoby Ghaut station attempting to catch the fanfare of Thaipusam this year. That I retired early into the night to sip a few beers at Prinsep while still keeping an eye on the festivities, you don't need to know. The general feel of this year was that it was quite quiet and it seemed as though a less than normal number of kavadis actually went out. In actual fact, all tickets were sold out. Apparently, everyone was aiming for the first light set off and the last batch set off.

The first group for apparently logical reasons: Beating crowds, morning basking sun, ability to rush off to other commitments or viewing other kavadis later. The later group for much more obvious reasons: Take at night and the whole world watches you.

The KLKillahs didn't go out on an all exclusive picture and video taking trip this time around preferring instead to collate every individuals' take on the event.

First up, we have our "I attend every single Hindu festival because I live in Tekka" boy, Praba. His yearly kavadi ritual is well documented in pictures and his piercing vid over HERE. The Girl too pitched in with her videos on an Urumi Mellam group. Also managing to catch on tape, a drunk man calling out for divine intervention [possibly for his hangover] near the end of the second clip. View them now.

MystiKal went all out on a digicam riot even needing to stop halfway thru the day to go get the damn batteries charged. His 100+ collection was too large to upload over here and so you will have to get to it through his Flickr photostream. Even our KLKlan based in Sungai Petani, Kedah, Ghost Particle got into the action with this photo post, HERE.

Not to be outdone, my V3i came in useful catching the reason why we love this festival. The illegal bongo beaters of course.

All other videos on Thaipusam 2007 Singapore not taken by us: HERE

But then again, this event has been at the heat of arguments since the 1960s. There seems to be no one year where there was unanimous agreement that the event was run superbly and everyone who took part in it went home feeling like a million bucks. Drawing from a hot discussion on a Singapore Indian related Yahoo Group. We see, two Singaporeans giving their 15.75 paise worth on the event this year.

1) Road closure route

Especially the one from Tank Road back to Perumal Temple: There are many people, followers & supporters who may want to go back to Perumal Temple again or half-way back to support or follow another Kavadi. But in order to do so, we hv to really make a big round which is not practical & it is really tiring, especially those family with kids & older people. Why can't they do something to allow both to & fro in the same route. As I mention above, it's a once a year event & we may want to support more than one kavadi. Thus, it will be good if the Mgmt look into the route to make it a more flexible & a pleasure one for everyone & of course by not causing any disturbance or jam in the procession.

2) Alcohol & Cigarette

All of us are aware that this is a religious festival which involves great devotion. Therefore, a major restriction that we shd really bring about is to prohibit anyone with beer or cigarette in their hand or anyone who is drunk to follow any Kavadis. Either they hv to dispose it immediately or stop them from following... I know its quite difficult to bring about such a law..., but to see such disrespectful scenes from our own people is really very annoying & humiliating.... it gives a bad impression on our religion, especially among the other religion. Even my Chinese colleagues knew that our fasting & the procession involves a lot of devotion, eg. strict vegetarian, NO alcohol, NO sex, NO unnecessary pleasures, etc... So what will the crowd (whether it is S'pore or Malaysia...) which consist of other races & religion will feel about our religion when they see such scenes from our Hindus - its very embarrassing & unsightly!!! Though it may involve a great effort to bring about such a restriction or law, but it will be greatly applauded by many.

3) Play devotional songs/music

It will be good to play devotional songs/music continuously without any break (from Perumal Temple to Tank Rd Temple - all the way). Some Kavadis seems to be walking very quietly through out the procession. By having music all the way, devotees are kept in HIGH spirit and it also creates the religious mood in everyone.

And the second dude:

I m totally disappointed with the volunteers @ the temples. They dun seem to be sure of their duties n think they have ultimate rights over everything n everybody. One incident occurred btw the volunteers n public where ppl were asked to leave the area to the right of sanctum(facing) as it was out of bounds to public. One thing the area was open to the public as no barriers were placed n no indications of of restrictions for public. But the volunteers actually brought their family members to that area to easily stand ard n view the kavadis. When questioned one of the volunteer even mentioned they were voluntary. It is shocking to see a little child, babies n very old people were volunteers! Furthermore, i myself have served in many temples n organizations as a member or volunteer which demands our on the ball initiative n action in carrying out duties. First time, i see volunteers dressed like brides n grooms and standing around doing nth when the temple is in need of sincere help. Volunteering is not a privilege but a responsibility. These roles have to be carefully allotted for proper running of the sacred event.
Interestingly enough, our very own Keling Kween was a volunteer this year stationed at Tank Road temple. Amidst dealing with plastic bags and cat calling ahem.. "devotees", she lets fly at those who think volunteers are just faggots with an official pass. Read about it HERE.

I leave you with just some final questions of my own:

1. On the final stretch, to open up more than one lane to the kavadi procession, will it cost us a few million dollars? It's quite stupid to see a 3 lane roadway being contained to just one and then expecting a smooth flow from the already tired of human traffic jam devotees.

2. Why do some tertiary student volunteers look like they have a stick up their arse? Is it protocol to lean over railings to "sight adikiraan" whatever chick takes their fancy? What's with the Maharaja suit looking high fashion jippas? Fashion parade?

3. Is the ban on musical instruments, i.e. not musical group related on or off? What IS the issue with it really? Can't handle the loud noise? Possible weapons? That's what adds to the entire flavour of it all man. And when was the last time two groups actually clashed in the middle of the procession? NEVER?

Photo credits: Beggs, E-Chan, Mystikalsel

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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Thirukkural : A Guide to Effective Living

It's about time we slotted in some education for all youse haywire makkehs. How much humour can you take anyway? Yes, I'm sure you steal our jokes and forward them on as your own. Like how Praba got plagiarized recently, read about it HERE.

Well, cut it out. It's really not funny. Credit the proper individuals or get the fuck outa here. Consider this the KLKillah friendly warning. We do scripting and nuking as often as we eat char siew mee pok dry extra chilli add mee add sausage add luncheon meat.

That aside, anyone who has gone through the education system here will know the value of memorizing fifty or so Thirukkurals to supplement your Tamil essays. These are the two liners that get you the pretty red tick and added credit.

Instead of blindly just knowing random lines, it's really much more effective knowing how to apply such stuff to daily life. Which is of course something all our teachers miss out on impressing upon us. A local author though has written Thirukkural : A Guide to Effective Living and it's also stocked up at the National Library.

The book was launched in January at MDIS with Tharman Shanmugaratnam, Minister for Education & 2nd Minister for Finance as the GOH. The book is also proudly supported by Tamils' Representative Council [TRC].

So, do have a read. If not to broaden your knowledge, at least for brain fodder the next time you need to pick up a Tamil teacher for Valentine's.

Udukkai izhandhavan kai polae aangae
idukkan kalaivadham natpu

As swiftly as the hand moves to seize a slipping garment,
Friendship acts to assuage a friend's distress

Couplet 788

Pictorial Phucks

Ever wanted to just say something to someone but never found the time [cos your kakis are waiting at the coffeeshop], never found the money [each sms is like 5 cents] and never got over the lethargy?

Fret not. Grab one of these pics. Attach a few choice words of depravity and let loose electronically. Another "pleasant" service brought to you by the KLKillahs.

Canine model posing on the outside of Saravana Bhavan. Graphic work kindly provided by Div. .

Monday, February 12, 2007

KLK Exclusive: 7112 Shalini

The O level results were out last Friday and throughout the island resounded the KLKries of O level graduates who either screamed in joy or groaned in horror [or who just wore too tight underwear in attempting to out-civvie the next dyed hair bloke], depending on the number of points they scored.

Keling Killahs fought through the thronging teens and caught up with one Yindian graduate, Shalini Sukumaran, who scored 7 A1s and 1 A2. The interview transcript is as follows:

KLK: So why the hell couldn't you just get straight As? What was the first thing your parents said when you told them your blemished score?

SS: What was the A2 for? Ha ha, in fact that's the question everybody asked me when I told them my results. It was for English Lit, so now you know.

KLK: They must have been pretty disappointed with your literary skills. You should have taken lessons from us. Walk us through the day you shamefully returned home with an A2.

SS: Well, in my school they made us all sit in the hall for about an hour, while they went through all the stats, like how we scored this year compared to last year, how many passes, how many fails etc etc. We were all so nervous, we hardly even listened to all that stuff.

KLK: Bloody inattentive A.D.D. kids. And then?

Then, they flashed the first powerpoint slide with all the 6 pointers, and I felt kinda disappointed my name wasn't in it. But on the second slide, my name was there, about half way down.

KLK: Kiasu we see. It's pretty obvious to us the list was in alphabetical order. But never mind that, what was your response?

SS: Oh, I just sat there and cried for about 10 minutes. It was a very emo moment lah, all your friends congratulating you, and all. Quite surreal.

KLK: Are you sure they were congratulating you and not going "Curses, **#$!#$**". So here is the "Kaun Banega Crorepati" question - who did you have to pay off to get these grades? You know, tell us about the hard work you put in sourcing targets for your "maamul".

SS: Lots and lots and lots of hard work. I started preparing for my Os right after my Sec 3 final exams. Yah, ha ha (laughs at shocked look on our faces), but I had to. There was a lot to cover. [After the editor's sec 3 exams, he was in fact hauled up to detention class because he still owed them 4 hours of standing at senang diri and staring into an oak panelled wall]

KLK: And obviously it paid [pun intended] off. So do you have any advice for all the KLKlanites who are sitting for Os this year?

SS: Advice ah? Do your work, even if its stupid repetitive rubbish. Full steam especially between Prelims and Os. [I have tons to say about the word "full steam" but yeah, NC16 it is]

KLK: So you didn't have any fun at all? Didn't spend hours upon hours skiving with your special "someone" at the malls?

SS: Sure got lah. But I cut down on my MSN and surfing time. Its amazing how much extra time that gives you. [Yes, of course, by special someone we meant your IMac]

KLK: Ok, we're done with you. Need bus fare to get home? Thanks Shalini for the chat. Where you running off to?

SS: Probably try and do it [7 A1s and an A2] again for A's. Which means I have to start right... about... now!

KLK: Right, you get right to that while we proceed to the nearest 7-11 and show you how essential a King Roberts is to us celebrating your good marks. Cheers to that la brudda.

Ok. We're kidding. Big up to Shalini. Laying it down KLK style. And don't forget to punt on "7112" on this week's three draws.

Monday, February 05, 2007

KLK Anger Management

Edited from one of those chain e-mails that take turns to appear in your inbox and then your junk mail and then your inbox and then one fine day infecting you with a virus of the same namesake. This is the localized Yindian version, and is a good guide to whenever you need to "release stress". And we don't mean the massage parlour way.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Rather, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Ravi. Could I please speak with Latha?"

Suddenly, a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fucking number!" and he hung up on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Latha's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "you're an asshole!" and hung up.I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Tan from Singtel. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the NTUC , getting ready to pull into a parking spot. You know how the waiting game goes. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole [I had his number on speed dial] I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Hillview Drive, just off the Dairy Farm exit. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Muthu," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Muthu?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Muthu, can I tell you something?"


"Muthu, you're an asshole!". Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.

I called asshole #1.


"You're an asshole!" [But I didn't hang up.]

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Muthu."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 34 Hillview Drive, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Muthu. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up. Then I called asshole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Hillview Drive, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover and after that I'm gonna kill myself.

Then I called Channel News Asia about the drunk parang wielding jilted gay Yindian who caught his partner cottaging in a Little India public toilet on a Sunday heading down to Hillview Drive. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Hillview. I also called The New Paper knowing my Samsung phone was all but there for the taking.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, a news crew and half the area's residents. And now I have a free phone.

NOW I feel much better.

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Permanent Pottu

All women no more fear. There is a way now to ensure you won't be widowed at a young age. And the solution is just over 3 dollars. Witness, the Yindian miracle.