Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Miss Vasantham - Question 4

To you, who embodies the perfect woman and why?


‘Margaret Thatcher,[The Iron Lady] a daughter of a grocer and a dressmaker made the reveloution for womens indepenence, today’s women all around the world have made many revloutions of their own, but she was the first spark of it all, Great Britain's first woman prime minister.Dispite all this she was a loving wife to Denis Thatcher and a mother as well..she reached her best years in postion only after marraige.

So you know how to use Google…and copy stuff from Wikipedia.


‘To me, in order to categorise someone as a perfect woman, I have to know her too well till I can tell what colour shirt she’s wearing tomorrow.’

Wtf? I know what I am going to wearing tomorrow. So that makes me a perfect woman?

[Somehow somewhere in some corner of my mind, I sense THE GIRL has a vendetta against one of these two ladies]

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Miss Vasantham - Question 3

Tell us one thing about you that people are always surprised to learn about


‘The one thing about me that people are always surprised to learn about is the level of patience that I possess and there are no limitations to my patience as I have always being like that throughout my life. This is one thing people have always found me amazing in, as I would be patient at all circumstances that can come across my life’

All of that could have been said in one sentence. What a waste of my time. Next time, word limits should be introduced so that modern linguists such as her don't attempt marathon runs.


‘People are always surprised to learn that an ultra modern girl like me is very much interested and involved in traditional Indian Culture, that is Indian Classical Dance, Baratham’

I am so glad to learn that Indian Classical Dance encompasses all of Indian Culture.


I am a chilli addict. Everything I taste has to be spicy. (only food)

I love the way she had to specify that she only likes food to be spicy. What else do you like chilli rubbed on love?


‘I have many a times surprised people whenever I open my mouth to speak up for my rights’

When people are surprised when you open your mouth to speak, you need to hang out with different people. Or bad breath. Now which is it?


‘People are surprised by the amount of love, care, and attention that I have to offer at hand’

Oh. My. God. You are not signing up for the Peace Corps woman. [I need some tender loving care, attention, aaargh..anything you can do la. My place, now!]


‘I am a deep dreamer..I dream about things all the time. Weird and crazy ones, even but I’ve always told myself this. To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream. Not only plan, but also believe’

Are people surprised to learn this about you? Or are you surprised to learn this about yourself? Cos I would be. Kudos. [Ditto]


‘People are always surprised to see me happy and cheerful no matter how sad and heartbroken I am. I would like to brighten up the atmosphere wherever I am. So that`s why people are always surprise about me and wants to be with me’

Passive aggression is never good for anyone hon. We have a good therapist you could get in touch with.


‘I'm creative and full of good ideas of combinations with fashion wear.For example, If I'm wearing a tube with my jeans with a luxury shawl in a toga style, It will be real stunning and It would make heads turn at you’

Ok, she amplifys her fashion knowledge. Yet, heads don't turn at HER, they turn at YOU. What are you doing wrong with your 'luxury shawl'?

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Miss Vasantham - Question 8

What do you look for in a career and why?


“Interest, great working colleaques and a great salary. Interest in the jobscope makes you develop an attitude of always looking forward to go to work and never mind doing extra or a little more than what others may do. Who you are working with plays an important role as well to make you do your work with less stress, to lighten up yourself and to hug whenever you feel too stressed up because apparently studies in north carolina have proved that hugs relieve stress with the production of oxytoxin. great salary because above all, everybody wants to be well paid”

Translation: She liked the katti pudi vaithiam from Vasool Raja MBBS and is deluded enough to think people ACTUALLY do that in real life. Not in Singapore hon. Kena sexual harassment suit how? [You could do it in IMH though, this time just claim insanity as your defence]


“Most importantly I for sure would look for a career that im keen in doing and that has to be in the media. Furthermore I do have a background in fashion which is also another industry that I have always dreamt of pursuing. Ultimately and only after im satisfied with the goals I have accomplished in my career is when I would like to become a homemaker. This is when I will be ready to take care of and spend more time with family, friends and children which I adore doing so much”

Does anyone else realize that she is not answering the damn question? There are times when you can't just flash that smile and hope no one realizes you have not THAT much between the ears.


A career which constantly assures me promotion and allowing me to upgrade my skills to make me a value added individual. It is important because it keeps me up to date with the 21st Century

Oh so only a career will keep you up to date with the 21st century aye? Living in the 21st century obviously doesn’t. You must be Amish.


The career I am looking for must encompass my dream, my passion and ultimately be soul satisfying. I believe whatever I do in my life must be out of love and not just for money. Only then can I excel and be happy in serving others. Money should come after me and not I go after it

I don’t think she realizes how wrong all that sounds. I know you are going for the pathini appeal, but it totally backfired.


What i want in my career, are my definate satisfaction and non-stoppromotions. Which ever occupation that I'm engaged on, I want to be at the highest peak of position, sense my success and ability in the industry in which I'm working for. I love it when I'm upgrading myselfup higher and higher and this power has been with me ever since I've startto stay on with my work life

Oh my. We have an Indian Condoleeza Rice on our hands folks. Don’t worry girlfriend, once you go back to PAP kindergarten and relearn English, it’ll be machine gun promotion all the way to the bank!

Sasikala [KLKopykat 1]:

Definitely something that I'm interested in and not forgetting that it keeps me financially stable and motivated in learning new things. Career is something like marriage, its going to be a life long commitment which is a stepping stone to success

Prasana [KLKopykat 2]:

Definitely something that I’m interested in and that keeps me financially stable and motivated. Career is something like marriage, its going to be a life long commitment

Too funny. Would it hurt to be original? I had better copying skills when I was 7. At least I used my own words even while dribbling nasi lemak kuah all over my uniform.

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Black Man-White Woman

It seems that an article was written to a well-founded magazine, by an English woman who requested a response from Black men. This letter was written in response to an article:

Dear Editor:

I'm sorry but I would like to challenge some of your Black male readers. I am a White female who is engaged to an Black male, good-looking, educated and loving. I just don't understand a lot of Black female's attitudes about our relationship.

My man decided he wanted me because the pickings amongst Black women were slim to none. As he said they were either too fat, too loud, too mean, too argumentative, too needy, too materialistic or carrying too much excess baggage. Before I became engaged, whenever I went out I was constantly approached by Black men, willing to wine and dine me and give me the world.

If Black women are so up in arms about us being with their men, why don't they look at themselves and make some changes. I am tired of the dirty looks I get and snide remarks when we're out in public. I would like to hear from some Black men about why we white women are
so appealing and coveted by them.

Even, black people like Bryant Gumbel just left his wife of 26 years for one of us. Charles Barkley, Scottie Pippen, the model Tyson Beckford, Montell Williams, Quincy Jones, James Earl Jones, Harry Belafonte, Sydney Poitier, Kofi Anan, Cuba Gooding Jr., Don Cornelius, Berry Gordy, Billy Blanks, Larry Fishburne, Wesley Snipes...I could go on and on. But, right now, I'm a little angry and that is why I wrote this so hurriedly.

Don't be mad with us white women because so many of your men want us. Get your acts together and learn from us and we may lead you to treat your men better. If I'm wrong, Black men, let me know.

Disgusted White Girl, Somewhere in VA.

The Response

Dear Editor:

I would like to respond to the letter written by A Disgusted White Girl. Let me start by saying that I am a 28-year old Black man. I graduated from one of the most prestigious universities in Atlanta, Georgia with a Bachelor of Arts Degree in Business Management. I have a good job at a major corporation and have recently purchased a house. So, I consider myself to be among the ranks of successful Non-White men.

I will not use my precious time to slander white people. I just want to set the record straight of why Black men date white women.

Back in the day, one of the biggest reasons why Black men dated white women was because they were considered easy. The Black girls in my neighborhood were raised traditionally. They were very strict about when they lost their virginity and who they lost it to. Because of our impatience to wait, brothers would look for someone who would give it up easy without too much hassle. So, they turned to the white girls.

Nowadays, in my opinion, a lot of Black males date white women because they are docile and easy to control. A lot of Black men, because of insecurities, fears, and overall weaknesses, have become intimidated by the strength of our Black women. We are afraid that our woman will be more successful than us, make more money than us, drive nicer cars and own bigger houses. Because of this fear, many Black men look for a more docile woman. Someone we can control. I have talked to numerous Black men and they continuously comment on how easy it is to control and walk over their white women.

I just want to set the record straight. I want A Disgusted White Girl to know that not all successful Black men date white women. Non-Whites like Ahmad Rashad, Denzel Washington, Michael Jordan, Morris Chestn! ut, Will Smith, Blair Underwood, Kenneth 'Babyface' Edmonds, Samuel L. Jackson, and Chris Rock all married strong Non-White women. And, to flip the script,
there are numerous white men, in and out of the spot light, who openly or secretly desire Non-White women over white women.

Ted Danson, Robert DeNiro, and David Bowie to name a few. I just don't want the 'Disgusted White Girl' to be misinformed. Stop thinking that because you are white that you are some type of goddess.

Remember, when Non-White Egyptian Queens like Hatsepshut and Nitorcris were ruling Dynasties and armies of men in Egypt, you were over in the caves of Europe eating raw meat and beating each other over the head with clubs.

Read your history! It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to cook and season your food. It was the Non-White woman that taught you how to raise your children. It was Non-White women who were breastfeeding and raising your babies during slavery. It is the Non-White woman that had to endure watching their fathers, husbands, and children beaten, killed, and thrown in jail.

Black women were born with two strikes against them: being Non-White and being a woman. And, through all this, Still They Rise!

It is because of the Black women's strength, elegance, power, love and beauty that I could never date anyone except my African Queen. It is not just the outer beauty that captivates and draws me to them. It is not the fact that they come in all shapes, sizes, colours and shades that I love them. Their inner beauty is what I find most appealing about Indian women. Their strong spirit, loving and nurturing souls, their integrity, their ability to overcome great obstacles, their willingness to stand for what they believe in, and their determination to succeed and reach their highest potential while enduring great pain and suffering is why I have fallen in love with Indian women.

I honestly believe that your anger is geared more toward jealousy and envy than snotty looks. If this were not so, then why do you continuously go to tanning salons to darken your skin. If you are so proud to be white, then why don't you just be happy with your pale skin? Why do you continue to inject your lips, hips, and breasts with unnatural and dangerous substances so you can look fuller and more voluptuous? I think that your anger is really a result of you wanting to have what the Non-White woman has.

BOTTOM LINE: If I were looking for a docile woman, someone I can walk over and control, I would give you a call. But, unfortunately, I am looking for a Virtuous Woman. Someone that can be a good wife and mother to my children. Someone who can be my best friend and understand my struggles. I am looking for a soul mate and; unfortunately, you do not and CANNOT fit the bill.

No offense taken, none given.

Black Royalty.

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Miss Vasantham - First Elimination

Was it with trepidation that most of us switched on the telly at 630 attempting to see what new fracas will erupt after this episode. Fo' sure, they didn't dissapoint. I'm only doing half this post cos as usual the SunTV war erupted. Dad versus Me. I was bound to lose. I don't pay the subscription bills. Still, what I CAN do is review the portion I did watch.

The show opened with some kinda let's walk around, put up cheesy hand poses and spin left, spin right, showcase our dresses. Truth be told, in dresses, some of these chicks actually look like they can make it! Some smile, some frown. Some were just in the whole, "Dear God, may I not trip and fall flat on my face cos it's a live show" frame of mind. You could see the nervousness on most faces, so it was nice to see people like DeviPriya just beaming it for the audience. Either the audience, or Rafi. Who cares either way. She worked it.

For a pageant, that is touted to be the station's event of the year, you'd think they'd actually come up with good choreography for their steps. It all looked like pretty half fucked planning to me. What else can Vasantham do wrong? [We do know who choreographed it. But, still it all looked so wrong.]

Point to note: Prasanna got tons of wolf whistles when it was her turn to be "lead". Joggin my memory, this is the same one that went: "Well, I’ll smile and walk away (for wolf whistles) due to the fact beauty has to be admired by someone…courtesy is a way of life in Singaporean, I’m one of them". I say, many many admire you la. Did you miss the cut for the "4 million Smiles" campaign?

If you watched it live in the audience, you would have noticed a large plasma screen running an individual video montage full of other showy poses while the actual girl strutted it live on stage. Nice touch. Kudos for that.

When the girls did come out solo, I had only one qualm. And that's Kasthuri with her already dyed almost fully bleached hair, pairing it with a yellow ensemble. And those waves she did. KungFu or not. It sure looked like you could generate some good power with those imaginary wind turbines she seemed to be turning. The next time there's a power outage in Northern Africa, we'll be sure to call on you, you with the "Charming Charisma".

Durga, has this whole, goddamn, I lost my handphone look throughout the whole show. And the decks of jewellery on her neck. What a large burden for such a small frame. It was a wonder she still held it all together to walk upright. I would not be fibbing if I said there was a general applause going all round when she got the cut. Still, a shame she got out so early. You could see she had some effort going on there through the 2 weeks, unlike the next one.

Ghayathri, suprise suprise you didn't get eliminated! A stale, fuckin couldn't be bothered performance. Even if u don feel like it cos u don think u're gonna win, at least dont show it babe.
There might be a wild card segment around somewhere. Since already from the auditions this is lookin more like a Singpore Idol wannabe programme rather than an upclass, prestigious pageant.

Q n A

Prasanna: Her whole take on charity sounded friggin rehearsed didn't it? Only when switching to Tamil did the true heartlander in her pop out.

Priya: Now that she's Sunita's twin. Is she almost made for the final 8? I hope not. I have a lot of money running on my picks.

Sathya: She sounded like a mangamma gone good, at least her tamil intones that way. Machines taking over the work of humans is mankind's greatest loss! Everyone gather at her place for the next Bogi Festival with lighter fluid and appliances. I have my PC / washing machine / fridge / vacuum cleaner / etc. to donate to her worthy cause. For the good of all mankind.

Jamuna: What the fuck!!!! So, she was asked how she got her hair so fine. And she responded, yeah many people say that about my hair. Urmz, so yeah how DID your hair get so fine? My smile makes my hair look very lustrous. To think that a well rehearsed, "I use Mango Brand Coconut Oil daily" would have saved her national embarassment. But what the hell, she survives to die another day.

Kasthuri: She has effectively conquered the English language. I leave it to Klengstantine to round up her language prowess in a later post. "On my opinion", "Indian womans". Talkin english like a minah (now I realize who does the fake slangs, slang also slang ang moh style la, why do so localized) . Do it Yishun style. Start every new sentence with "Inga paaru machi...". I'll vote for you, gladly. For a minute, she sounded like Rajini in one of those "I'm Yindian and don know ur Englibish, yes, thank you, yes, thank you"

My pops: I think her iduppu (hip) gonna break, thats why she holding it and coming.

Anyone notice that as the weeks go by, Esteemed Judge Sunita Rai is getting a tad bit more bimbotic. If she was tryin to play Pseudo-Tyra, it isn't working out. I like your hair! I like your smile! I like your top! I like your shoes! Damn, woman, get a room!

I think in all fairness, who should have got eliminated got eliminated. To the ones, you know who you are, who should have but stayed on. I'd like to get some 4D numbers from you guys. The ladies who are progressing on, some have really "bloomed" as Najip says umpteenth times. Looking way better groomed and poised in this round. Carry this on, and who knows, one fine day we might have nothing to diss.

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Miss Vasantham - Question 2

This is the ultimate boring question. Like you would expect kudumba kuthuvilakku wannabes to actually point and cup and go "Well, I think my breasts are quite nice, thank you very much".

What do you consider to be your main appeal?

The Smilers

Indra: I think it is my smile because it is not just a smile but a smile which expresses kindness in my eyes.
[A smile that's not a smile. IT could be a simile]

Durga: I would consider my smile to be my main appeal. A smile sets everything straight. You might never know how much light your smile brings to brighten up someone’s day. I believe my smile has made wonders to every single one I smiled to and it will continue to make wonders to everyone I’ll be smiling at
[This girl HAS to stop her exaggerations. She touches everyone la, she is the only hope for society la, she the this la she the that la. Humility sweetheart, it goes a long way]

The Non-Descript Ones

Fajariah: Nothing can top the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his/her goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude
[It's a pageant that celebrates womanhood no? Where this "man" come from now?]

Jayanthi: My ability to make others comfortable in my presence.
[Oooh baby when you talk like that....]

Ghayathri: Me self-confidence and personality as well as my height due to my long legs would definitely be my main appeal
[Even discounting the typo, that's THREE things you named as a MAIN appeal?]

Sonia: My main appeal is my demure nature; god blessed beautiful eyes and a pleasingly pleasant smile
[Enough with the adjectives already. This is getting boringly boring]

Natasha: I would consider my main appeal, is the ability to come into a person’s life and turn the dark storms into a day filled with colour, fun and laughter
[The Met Office called. PSI is on the rise. I think you're needed Weather Woman]

Kasthuri: I will say that my Charming Charisma and never say die attitude. Because where other common girls may hit ground zero generally after a huge blow, I'm always able to pick up the pieces, join them back, continue with my steps and start back my mission in life. With the way I stand for myself, that's where my Charming Charisma makes a greatest main appeal about me.
[This should have been her talent la not flower arrangement. The ability to form long long non-coherent sentences with capitalizations. If the producers wanna merchandise this show, at least you know she can hold her own ground in the video game, blasting opponents with her Charming Charisma Combo]

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Miss Vasantham - Talents

Yes, the Kween is back after a short hiatus.

Anyhow, my counterparts have written with enough depth regarding the Miss Vasantham cream of the crop (remember when the crop wasn't that great to begin with it, the cream isn't going to be that delectable) to date. However, what fun is there when we don't diss them about their awesome talents? And what fun is there when the Kween doesn't get the first attack?

In order not to clash with tonight's episode, i shall do away with niceties (niceties?ME?) and get on with it already. Ladies and gentlemen, we have a gargantuan task ahead of us.

Firstly, what constitutes as a talent?
As adapted from Merriam-Webster's Online Edition (its a dictionary you doofus), Talent is..

"A marked innate ability, as for artistic accomplishment. See synonyms at ability. Natural endowment or ability of a superior quality."

Now, if you do look carefully, you'd realise SUPER QUALITY and MARKED INNATE ABILITY. Yes, you have a talent when you're good at something. Not when you're mediocre or just bad.

Attempting to dance a classical dance when you're NOT a classical dancer is NOT a talent.

Kapish paisan?

Now that we've come to a consensus on that, why on earth does everyone have the same talent?

Apart from the girl who sang Chinese (albeit wearing blacks gloves with a red cheongsam), and "the-let-me-arrange-2-flowers-into-a-wonderfully-beautiful-creation" girl, everyone else either sang, danced or hosted.

And funnily, our pseudo-Indian-vanakkam-spouting Malay judge, chickopeh-uncle-deejay judge and the qualified model judge seemed to be elated and surprised at every talent as though it were something amazing and new!

Wait, am i the only one missing something here? Isn't Miss Vasantham supposed to be about individuality?

Okay, never mind that even. Isn't your personality supposed to show in your answers and the talent you chose? Instead, why sing when your voice sounds like its about to break into a cackle? Why dance when your saree is half falling and you do the same step about 15 hundred times?

You remember that Children's Programme on SunTV where the kids come in fancy dresses and act like various characters? I think they were more experienced at what they were doing.

I don't know if it was a lack of effort or just an inability to realise what is appropriate and what isn't. Hosting doesn't count as much of a talent by the way. Especially not when you just speak off a paper, or worst still talk as though the world was about to end. Pardon me if i am being too harsh, but truthfully, there really wasn't much of a superior ability in most of the talents.

My favorite? The scary Punjabi girl who nearly killed the judges for not getting through. I don't know if you guys remember her. The long-haired one who danced for some Hindi song. Remember 2 weeks ago, Rafi had just told her he LOVED her hair. Yes, thats what he had said. I guess he has realised that long haired girls were out of his range and thus he kicked her out. (Ref. to my theory of how Rafi chooses his faves. Its based mainly on whether he thinks they are within his standards of tangkap-ing)

Then there was the girl who makes a health drink. See ah Auntie, unless you're vying for a place in Rasippom Rusippom or wanting to be one of those salesgirls who convince people to buy that new juice blender, i suggest you think of something else. (thankfully, i can't remember if you made it through or not).

Oh and once again there's an irony. The one girl who went fairly risque and did somewhat of a bellydance gets told that she's boring. Oh and what about the other 30543953 girls who danced for the likes of what they deemed as fusion music (attempting 3 classical dance steps followed by a sway).

And ladies, please rethink your outfits. While no matching eyeshadows and saris were in sight this episode, the green feather boa looked pretty dowdy and so did the glove with the cheongsam. Kudos to all the girls who tried harder this time though.

And "hard" girl, thank you for deciding not to use the word "hard" this time. Stick to your, my answer is Tamil movies have a lot of violence and henceforth i shall keep quiet since i'm bound to spew rubbish if i keep talking strategy.

I'm starting to completely rethink my ideals of what the Miss Vasantham should have been. With the exception of a few chicks with class, the rest didn't exactly strike me as having the sophistication of a beauty queen. Its not just in presenting yourself with a signature walk or wearing the right clothes. Its about understanding what a beauty queen is supposed to be. Don't blame me for saying that. We live in a world of stereotypes and there IS a certain way of acting if you want to be one. Please go look up the difference between model and beauty queen for all of you who tried to do the vogue face.

And really, if you're looking for some inspiration, previous seasons of Miss Vasantham aren't going to help. There are other pageants you know? (Read: MISS WORLD. MISS UNIVERSE)

And on a completely irrelevant note w.r.t their answers in that profile thing that Ah Neh and The Girl have commented about: Thil Thil Manathil and Vizhigal aren't the only two programmes around.

And to end off, I think i've found the perfect answer to one of the questions they were asked in that profile thing.

Q: Tell us one thing about you that people are always surprised to learn about
A: Oh they are always surprised to know that i actually made it to the top 24 of Miss Vasantham.

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Friday, August 25, 2006

Miss Vasantham - Question 5

The first workpiece of "The Girl" and I'm quite impressed by it too. Sharp tongue, caustic wit, and an attitude problem. You have come to the right place.

What is the biggest problem facing the Indian society today?

The Politically Incorrect

Jamuna: ‘The lack of love for the Tamil Langauge"

Let’s all gather around and love Tamil and smoke some ganja shall we. All our problems will vanish. We can start a revolution. The Tamil Hippies we will be. Our motto will be "Tamil is the ‘refresher to the soul". Not all Indians are Tamils by the way. [Editor's note: That's true. How dreadful my life would be without Mallu, Marati, Rajasthani, Punjabi and Hindustani chicks.]

Prasanna: ‘The teaching of Hinduism has always been interpreted wrongly’

Very wise. You are now in the running for sainthood. Which temple committee told you to say this?

Young PAP

Kasthuri: “The biggest problem facing the indian society is there are people whom are unable to speak mandarin...we should start analysing like what our Minister Mentor Mr Lee Kwan Yew emphasis that....It's time for them to divert their attention in mandarin...”

You know what is another problem Indians have? They hear snippets of information, add their own demented rational and try and sound like they are well-informed. It will also be a ‘great beneficial for all’ if you learn how to write in English properly.

Social Worker

Natasha: “The problem facing the Singapore Indians today....they are not aware of the number of help programmes run by the government..All they need to do is to approach their MP (Member of Parliament), CDC (Community Development Councils) or even the Social Workers of SINDA (Singapore Indian Development Association)”

She is SO getting paid to say all that. Or, she was fired from one of those places and wants her job back.


Anita: ‘Our younger generation is not following the trend of our older generation. They are getting influenced by friends’

Our younger generation also includes 21 yr olds. You sound like my Civics and Moral Ed text book. And if I were to follow the trend of my older generation, I would have borne 3 children to my 50 year old husband by now.

Sonia: ‘...young generation are losing our traditions and cultures by trying to get more westernized as days go by’

I sad. The shop keepers at Tekka feel the same way too.

The Gloria Steinems’
[Editor's note: Gloria Steinem is THE feminist extraodinaire. Read about here HERE.]

Jayanthi: ‘Typifying this problem would be how divorced Indian women are often faced with stigma in societal conventions that bend in favour of the Indian men’

Revathi: ‘...if a woman is very sociable with the opposite gender, they are not hesitant to label her as having a loose character. I find this appalling and feel that this should be changed and people should think at their own feet and do what is best for them’

Somewhere somehow the Biology teacher got it all wrong by placing the medulla oblangata down at the henna painted feet of this girl. C’mon people, lets think ‘at our own feet’ to eradicate this problem.

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Thursday, August 24, 2006

Miss Vasantham - Question 1

This is a massive 10 part mega-serial, inspired by all the soaps they screen on Sun TV and we all know how that turned out.

Why did you join Miss Vasantham 2006?

The Dreamers

Identity Statement: My childhood dream / My lifelong dream / Long time dream / Passion since young

Guilty: Barathi, Jamuna, Kasturi, G.Priya, Sathya, Yuvaneswari, Sonia, Ghayathri, Devipriya

The Anti Thesis

Identity Statement: Don't ask why, ask why not?


Jayanthi - Instead of this question, I think the correct question should be why not…?
Radhika - To me it’s a question of “why shouldn’t I join?

Xena Warrior Princess

Identity Statement: Gain courage, boost confidence, develop potential, give me exposure.

Guilty: Fazila, Indra, Devi Priya, Revathi, Sasi Kala, Prasana

The Liar



-"I’ve always dreamt of taking part in Miss Vasantham ever since I was 14" - Damn! The very first pageant was in 2004! You were already 16 then! Could you help me find my lost dog, you psychic!

-"I believe I’m the ONE woman who everybody is expecting to see to uphold the pride and the dignity of Singapore’s Indian Society" - Self confidence is NOT an excuse for exaggeration. Everybody is such a subjective word aint it. Depends on which dimension you live in.

The Did-They-Really-Say-That ?!?

Nishalani: "Also, for the wonderful experience. I can share it with others and probably with my grandchildren when I’m wrinkling." [wrinkling?! wrinkling?! WTH?!]

Fajariah: " I used to have a mentality that pageants are only for beautiful ladies. But ever since I watched miss vasantham’s previous pageant, I spotted that it requires much more" [Is this a roundabout way of saying that you spotted many fugly people on TV the last time round]

Sasi Kala: "I am ready and willing to endure the unendurable" [You know why I picked this one]

Natasha: "also for me to realize my potential as a woman" [So, you weren't reallllllllllly a woman before this?]

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Miss Vasantham - Statistics

Now, we at KLKillahs wanna make it easy on you guys. Especially those hunting for a beauty queen girlfriend. Well, if this were an international pageant you'd have no chance in Lucifer's Hell, but it's Singapore after all.

Who knows? You could catch the ladies vulnerable in between their 3rd and 4th idlis at Komala Vilas.

So, first, we dissect them by their age. You can thank us later. Wait for the surprise at the end.




Babies born in 1984 are not represented due to their Hepatitis B vaccinations expiring soon. Damn, those little blue Health Booklets.


*End of R21 Section*

Sasi Kala



If you think even listing your age down is quite a simple procedure on application forms. And you didn't already know that most webpage updaters just dump in their data wholesale without attempting to make you look good, then you shouldn't be doing this:

Kalaivani: 20+
Revathi: 20+
Sonia: 19+

Ok, I get it. We "plus" something. But what? Just write the damn number already. Why are you making us do mental sums!

You wanna see a superhero? This is why you shouldn't be anal retentive when filling in forms, no matter how accurate the disclaimer asks you to be. You know that portion where you finally sign: "Everything I say above is as true as can be and if it aint you can flog me with the hooves of a dozen camels or disqualify me whichever is more appropriate". The winner?

Durga Devi: 18 yrs 8 mths

You think we're done? Nyet. Listed in their biodata after how old they are is the necessary yet unnecessary occupation column. I mean if I was a masseuse I wouldn't really be writing that down would I?

I'd go for something subtle like Holistic Therapy Specialist. The guy who pushes the lift buttons at the Hilton sure can pass off as a "Multi Level Systems Engineer".

Subtracting the all too common, "Student" as an occupation, we're left with the real career women. The ones who contribute to the GDP. Alas, some just didn't know how to describe it.

Barathi: Full–Time Student /PT Tutor /PT Customer Service

[We get it already, you just have too much time on your hands. If you could spell full time you should have been consistent with the part-time. All together loudly now, P-A-R-T-hyphen-T-I-M-E.]

Jamuna: Advertiser

[This could be my bad. But isn't an advertiser someone who places ads. Lemme get this straight, what you do in your full-salaried, health benefit accruing job is just to place advertisements? You have ST, BH, BT, TM, TNP, CNA, MediaCorp on your FastDial? Damn. You have the perfect inside track to win this thing already. We should run a background check on this one, she might be related to one of the sponsors.]

Prasana: CSA (Customer Service Agent)

[Ok. You have mastered abbreviations. Just a thought, if you knew no one would understand CSA in the first place, you should have just gone with the expanded version. Or is this the more "professional", "atas" way of listing your occupation?]

Revathi: Waiting to pursue further studies

[Since when was waiting an occupation? If that was the case, I need to amend my tax forms already. I actually WAS gainfully employed the past 4 years I've been bumming and waiting for money to fall from the sky]

Devi Priya: Undergraduate in SIM

[It's not enough these days to just fill up "Student". You had best fill in the prestigious institution you're gonna get matriculated in lest someone beat you with a "Postgraduate from Harvard" in their form]

And sometimes, it just pays to be truthful. I present, the winner of this challenge.

Sonia: NIL

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Miss Vasantham - Fashionista Fallacies

To the credit of the contestants, most of them didn't really waste their glossy studio shots. Maybe some America's Next Top Model DVDs prepared them well for it. Alas, the cheesy poses a la GMT jeweller's advertisments came out anyway. What with the arched hands (your wrists not pain ah?) and the "vanakkam" signs.

Some, didn't even bring a change of clothes. From viewing the marjority of the portfolios I guess, you were meant to go half in a traditional costume and half in some Westernized outfit. Some did all 8 in the same clothes, some well, how I wish you had a stylist.

These are the ones I spotted, who have falsified fashion. Feel free to add on as you wish. You pinpoint, I'll put it up.

Giddy-Up! Cow Boy!
I saw the same top elsewhere on another bod.
Boots with berms are very classy too. Very Moschino. Very 1980s.

So, like urm, you done already? Can I go now? Are we there yet?

Dammit woman, as Tyra always says, don't waste shots. You think we all print money ah give you take this kinda photo! Someone call the Gahmen's Cut Waste Panel for the good of mankind.

They didn't even upload a larger version of these two shots and I wonder why. The first one clearly is a Wonder Woman pose. Same busty caricature I saw in the comics. And the second one all about tells me, my right side is better.

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Miss Vasantham - Top 24

Well, the top 24 are out and waiting to be whittled down to 8. That's when you folks at home get to vote on the ladies. Till then, its at the mercy of the 3 judges. There is a 4th Mystery Judge, but of course when you get beyond the mystery, you're gonna get quite pissed off that it was mysterious in the first place. I know who, but I aint telling. Unless you beg me.

Their website is finally updated with full biodata and studio photoshoots of the ladies. Knowing studio shoots, they're looking quite good actually. Of course, there are some who conveniently "pontenged" the shoot. 2 actually. You'll see when you get there. It's no wonder they were slotted into the bottom 2 slots of the page.

I mean what could be more important than a glamour photo shoot? Do you see Ms. World contestants taking time off to go attend their lectures or give their boyfriends some needed schmoozing? [This is just a theory. -)]

So, here ye go, the pictures of the remaining 24. 2 are gonna get eliminated this Sunday, might as well give them their 15 nanoseconds of fame.

























Durga Devi


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Wednesday, August 23, 2006


KLKillahs has never wanted to remain KLKlandestine about the stories we put out, the profiles we diss and the general take on the "Yindian" way of doing things.

Yet it amazes us sometimes that Russell Peters can be applauded for his self-deprecating accents but the Ginsu knives are out for our tales of temerity.

The numbers have been up, these few weeks. Vastly. Even beating the viewership of the parent. We believe this is highly due to the fact that we are the only ones taking an effort to document the highs and lows of the ongoing Ms. Vasantham pageant. And supply glossy photos to match.

We aint hiding in anonymity. Feel free, to click on our profiles. Some of us have emails and MSN adds listed. You want to be heard? Go ahead. Feel free. We wanted to do a whole "This is the panel, Meet and Greet" session but the Ritz Ballroom is fully booked for the next few months and our I/C photos are a bit too embarassing to flash in the World Wide Web.

It has also come to our knowledge that all 24 finalists of aforementioned beauty pageant ARE aware of this site and do check in regularly for updates. Thank you for your viewership. [What I meant to say was, you narcissists! I know, i know the photos are good].

What we want to reiterate is that, this is a community blog. There are no barriers to entry and contributions except if you don't do it regularly enough, you'll be kicked out. The doors are always open, for entry AND exit. The views expressed are of the contributors only and may/may not reflect what the general layman thinks when observing the same things we did. Though to know if they did, all you need to do is check on the comments and the tagboard.

Thus, taking into account that it takes much guts to even get your powdered face out on national TV for all to partake in some KLKulling, we wanna wish the remaining girls all the best.

Take our words in your stride. Quit the fake accents [yes, I know a lot of you guys want this said]. Get with the program. And show us the best goddamn strut you ever could pull off. Who knows, you might just get a sash to hang out your bedroom window for all to ogle at.

And the next time someone asks you: "Does Sex Sells?", buy him a book on grammar for his birthday.


P.S. Love us or hate us, popularize us. Didn't you know, attention whoring is the "Yindian" way. We learnt this after watching Kumar from Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle

Editor's note: I'm still with 075 for the winner. Who's with me?

Sunday, August 20, 2006

Miss Vasantham - 2nd Round

Trust KLKillahs to deliver a sneak peek even before the show goes on air. This my friend is the 2nd round of the auditions. Some of the better photos, I feel:








For more of the photos from the 2nd round, click HERE.

And just remember, you heard it here first.

Friday, August 18, 2006

Critical Info

I have some critical information to share. However, this is not the platform for it. In all fairness.

Is it that maestro of madness Ah Neh has procured the list of all the 24 finalists who have made it to the latter rounds of Ms. Vasantham and he is apalled by some of the choices?

Buzz me if you are not a sucker for suspense and want to get your laughs early.

"Information is Power" - Senthil in Boys

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Indian Loo Instructions

Poster found in a Keralan toilet
Focus hard on Instruction #2

Click on pic for larger version.

Unless of course, you're Puratchi Thalaivan Vijaykanth who stops bullets with his fingers, you don't need to.

Miss Vasantham - 1st Round

With all the recent brouhaha with reference to our True Blue Indian Beauties (yes blue as in the colour of their most morbid eyeshadow shades) , i thought i should give my 2 cents worth. I mean what fun is there when these ladies put themselves out there to get slammed and we don't slam them enough right?

However, since a lot has been talked about in terms of appearance, i thought i had might as well blog about their recent KLKaledeiscope on tv. Yup, i'm sure lotsa you wanted to check these girls out(for more reasons than one) and would have sacrificed your Sunday evenings(you could have been holding hands with some uurus in Tekka ensuring that our road safety gets no safer than it already is) to watch these girls in skin.

I thought it was hilarious since almost every girl who made the "Cannot Make It" List, made it into their lists. Why? Lack of participants? Need to eliminate later? Need for mangammas in rounds to come? I seriously don't think i want to know.

I find it incredulous that a teacher who looked fairly pretty didn't make it because she lacked the confidence but our mangamma who pronounces "heart" as "hard" got through. What have we become? A society that condones stupidity but decides that when the wallflowers try to take a step forward, we will push them out.

Question: Does sex SELLS?

Bad enough that Najip has grammatical issues, but the answer that followed was hilarious.
There she went, ranting about how she uses her "hard"(maybe she really wasn't talking about her heart.It would have made a lot more sense.Hmm) and she still makes it?

But the girl with big big eyes looks like a normal Indian girl, but every Tharshini,Harini and Dabukku Mukku Meenatchi with their hair looking like it hadn't been washed in ages looked exotic?

Why put a Malay judge for an Indian show in the first place? Yes, Beauty is universal and I'm not saying that he's not qualified enough to judge beauty. However, if you insist that Miss Vasantham has to have these qualities that make her essentially an Indian, don't you think that you should be able to more than just effeminate, able to say vanakkam and host a few shows to judge her capability?

And then we have the Deejay who somehow always gets called to judge these shows. I think he's some kind of a pervert. What with his, I would like to see you more and then a stylish(attempt) flick of the buzzer follows. Throw in a cheeky grin and a bald head and he'd be starring in our B-grade 12'O clock Sun Tv movies as a villain already. I understand if he was perhaps in the industry - no being a celebrity deejay does not cut it really.

And ladies. Start answering the goddamn question. If you don't understand it, be honest enough and go "Thirrupi Sollureengala?". Memorising proverbial phrases such as "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" isn't enough for you spout at any opportune moment. We all watched Miss Congeniality and its sequel. Thank god, no one came up with "World Peace".

So stop telling these girls to show more of their teeth, when their teeth are stained with years of tobacco or worst lack a filling or even a tooth(yes, one of our corpse brides doesn't have a tooth).

Stop telling them that you love their hair when you really don't know what lies beneath(no seriously, i don't). Tell them the truth, because if you don't give them the reality check, who will?

Oh right. I forgot. Thats what we are here for.

So here's my tips for answering the dumbest questions some of these judges come up with. After all, if you aren't pretty nor clever, you might as well be memorable.

Qn:Does Sex sell(s)?
Ans: Sorry Sir, I'm still a virgin. And i don't believe in selling myself for the Crown.

Qn:What kind of a man are you looking for?
Ans:The virile kind.

Qn: What made you wear this today?
Ans: Gee. I don't know. I pranced into my neighbour's closet and took the first thing i saw. What do you think Einstein? The thought that i may look good in it. Maybe? Just maybe?

Qn:What will you do with the title?
Ans:You mean the sash? I will hang it around my window so all my neighbours can see!

Oh and by the way the best has yet to come.. For next week we watch their talents. Fire eating anyone?

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Saturday, August 12, 2006

The KLK Explosion

Editor: The Kween is back! When she rants, shut your mouth, open your Bambi eyes and then go "Amen".

It’s the Woodstock for every self-respecting KLK. It’s the the time we all dig into our wardrobes and find those zebra printed splits and sometimes if you’re lucky you might just strike jackpot, finding the leopard spots. Don’t forget the Bluetooth headsets. Never mind if your phone doesn’t actually have Bluetooth. Its just the image really.

Ladies make sure you’ve gotten your 3 for 1 boxes of contact lenses(in only the most “fashionable” of colours) See because it isn’t enough if you dress like a Jamaican, have afro-like hair, believe in faux fur(yes those bags count as faux fur to me!) but now lets confuse everyone even further by ensuring that your eyes are anything but their authentic colour.

That’s just preparation. Once it hits June and July, you’re bound to see banners and flyers splashed all over your friendly KLK-neighbourhoods(Chong Pang, Nee Soon East, Nee Soon Central). Never mind that they are all in the same vicinity, they still insist on a dance competition per CC. Indeed with their volatile names, you know these dance competitions are bound to be romba violence.

It might seem like a gargantuan task to get 50 people for a SINDA seminar. 20 for a temple youth wing meeting. 10 for classical dance. But when it comes to our KLK-explosions, be sure to watch in awe as our future Yindian leaders gather their followers and ensure they cause a stir. Listen carefully the next time the train passes by Yishun and you might just be lucky enough to hear an angry KLK shout, “DEI UNNAI NAAN EXPLOSION NITELEY PAATHUKUREN DA!” Indeed our dance competitions, our pride.

Oh and when you do manage to find your way to that ulu cc hosting the competition(shouldn’t be very difficult if you follow the leopard spots and running handphone lights.If you’re lucky there might be a few motorbikes with blasting music on the way), do kick your feet back and watch as the two not so funny emcees try their level best to pull off as many stunts to make you the least bit interested. If you’re a true blue KLK, you’d have by now shouted telling them to get your favourite dance group on stage already.

Remember to practice your hand signs correctly(no gang signs please or you might be kicked out, or the plainclothes policemen might just throw you into jail for a day and the rest of your KLK friends would be too dead drunk to bail you out). We’re talking the various ways to form an A with your hand and an X. It doesn’t help that 1439530453 groups would choose to name themselves with an X at the end of their names. But remember there is more than just one way to show an X.

An X with your fingers and an X with your outstretched hands could just shift your loyalties midway through the dance(and we wouldn’t want that if you’re sitting on the wrong side of the crowd since after all the spectator area is divided into four, 3 for the groups that are bound to win the top 3 anyway and one for all the other Remo-wannabes who try extremely hard with their 4 by 4 formations and their formal wear costumes).

And lastly, don’t leave before 11.30. Because if the curtains work fine and the guest of honour does decide to turn up, then you shall be duly rewarded with a dance floor. Yes, you will clear up the chairs in the CC yourself and then dance. Once in awhile, a token English song is thrown in. But fret not because its bound to have been remixed with 30 other Tamil songs in between. If you’re not too lucky and the curtains don’t go up in time for the show to begin, then your dance floor will be restricted to 4 songs but any true blue KLK will know that, that is enough time to do your thang on the dance floor.

And here’s KLKillahs’ tips on how to make yourself seen and heard on the dance floor:

1. Don’t bother wearing red,yellow and green. 405 other Indians would probably be doing the Rastafarian thing already. You want to be seen? Get yourself a glow in the dark Tshirt with a marijuana sign on it. Ain’t no other way to go. (Don’t worry you don’t need to know any Bob Marley songs to actually be a Bob Marley fan).

2. Scream "Eh Aah Eh Aah!" at every opportune moment. No matter if you sound like a chicken getting an orgasm midway being butchered. Visuals are not enough when you’re surrounded by every Tom, Dick and KLKlown wearing something absurd.

3. If you’re female, just act like you’re about to get into a trance once you hear a song that sounds remotely folk. Don’t worry, there’s always at least 2 or 3 folk songs and if you have a big enough bag(which you will have, if you are a nalla sarakku) remember to bring some vepillai for extra effect. The vepillai also helps in whacking that mofo who does his Chicago too close to you.

Remember, its never too late to make it for another dance competition as they are a dime a dozen. Don’t bother with Sistic, just check your Friendster bulletins for some knucklehead would have posted 2303420 bulletins about some coolio dance competition coming your way. Why 2303420? Because we KLKs don’t believe in single or double clicking. Why 2 when you can click 2303420 times?

Miss Vasantham - Finale

This is my favouritest post. The Top Ten. My pickings. You may disagree, but do I really care? I just hope they don't fuck up on those Q n A bullshit and none of these girls is the one that Sunita Rai said "I think this competition is not for you" to.

[in no order of preference]

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Miss Vasantham VIII

Has you had enough dissing?

Now, it's time to showcase the ones who can. Not who WILL make it.

But at least, they knew better enough to parade in some traditional saree/punjabi suit combos to suit the camera lenses.

Disclaimer: No kelingkween, I aint praising them to get some.

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