Wednesday, March 28, 2007

Pradana Vizha

So, is it the season of Pradana Vizha again? Where we sit down and apparently honour the talents and horrors of local TV station, Vasantham Central? Whereabouts do we honour the artistes who have since left our fair shores to crack it big in mainland India or Malaysia for that matter. These being the only other 2 countries where an Yindian has enough scope to further his/her pull over swaying crowds.

We take a look at the pre-math of the event to see what exactly all those names, companies, facts and figures tell us. Who we like we've highlighted in red, and of course the mandatory italicized comments within brackets.

Best Variety Series: Planet Galatta, Miss Vasantham, Vasantham Star, Neengal Kettavai

[I think you know where our tastes lie. Question is what the hell does Neengal Kettavai have to do with it all? Possibly satisfying the oldies demographic amongst us]

Best Drama Series: Padigal, Goal, Manam, Thirai, Nagal

[Don't even remember any of these shows.]

Best Info-ed/Culture Series: Vizhigal, Ullasa Oorvalam, Kannavai Thedi, Cooking for Love, Pournami

[Still waiting for who the hell made the cut in Kannavi Thedi, or is that just an open ended question for us to wonder]

Best Children Series: Subra n Friends, 24/7, Engal Ulagam, Kathai Neram, Savaal

[A no-brainer. Subra to take the cake.]

Best Actor: Vadi PVSS, Mohan, Kathiraven, Puravalan, Somasundram

[Give this man the award, and throw him a beer]

Best Actress: Renu Theresa, Kavitha, Vanitakumari, Premalatha, Annetha Ayyavoo

[They all sound alike, move alike and wail out loud in the crying scenes alike. We leave this to the general public.]

Best Supporting Actor: Veeraraghavan, Gunaseelan, Silvarajoo, Paneerselvam, Mohan

[We say, Veeraraghavan ought to get it cos he is really in much suffrage in Aal Illa Theevu]

Best Supporting Actress: Prasakthi, Manimala, Kalaiarasi, Prasanna

[Again, jus hand it to the best "cry"er]

Best Child Artiste: Nishok, Subramaniyam, Poobalan, Habib, Girish

[Nishok! The gangster boy who actually made us wanna tune into Subramani without fail]

Best Host: Elamaran, Shamen, Anwar, Ismath, Kavitha

[Tough choice. So we went with two. Comedians make the best hosts.]

And then, as usual, the fill up our coffers with your SMSes game is afoot. The nominees for "Who would you like to spend the most money on to listen to their acceptance speech" are:

Most Popular Male Singer: Pravin, Shabir, Saravanan, Mohan R, Suriamurthi

[We say go with old is gold. Man deserves to win something after years on the stage]

Most Popular Female Singer: Malini, Ananthi, Kavitha, Gunalakshmi

[Urm.. shouldn't this be Most Popular Dancing Female Singer?]

Most Popular Dance Group: Sangesthraz, Sureshvanaz, Movesh

[The Z syndrome hits again. As like a recent dance competitions, we are now led to believe that even those who don't win are winners in their own right. Right?]

Wise decision to make "Most Popular Programme" a television ratings contest rather than an SMS one or it would totally defeat the purpose. At least the one who wins it truly has brought benefit to the sponsors who place commercial after commercial, sometimes back to back in order to gain our consumer cash.

Interestingly, even by Pradana Vizha standards, the talk of cronyism, nepotism and political game play has been around since it's debut year. There was one particular year if you remember where only 2 production companies were vying for all the awards and amazingly, they came out with an equal number of awards at the end of the night.

Well, the market has opened up liberally now. And many other companies have joined the fray to provide some perfect competition. Let's see how they rack up according to collated nominations:

Blue River Pictures - 2
Eagle Vision - 7
Spectraa Productions - 2
Megastar Advertising - 1
Humming Bird - 1
Rough Cuts - 1
Verite Productions - 3
Art of Entertainment - 1
Golden Vision - 1

How could such a grand event pass by without the sponsors who make it happen. The usual suspects are in the fray again. Get ready for a bombardment of seen again ads, before, after, in the middle and in all the teasers.

But really, can businesses owned by Yindians or targetting the Yindian demographic only be stifled to those few whom we keep seeing over and over again for aeons. Conquering the commercial scenes and eventually our brain waves with their ditties and jingles? How come no other firm steps forward? Is the Yindian demographic too small for their advertising budget to be wasted over? Or are the account managers at MediaKorp simply enticing the "usual" clientele? Anyone's brain we can pick on this?

Monday, March 26, 2007

Eat It When It's Hot

We've come across tons of Yindian spoofs across time. Doesn't it just bring about a chuckle when one tries to rap in an authentic Yindian accent coupled with throwing vadais, sambars, bajjis and payasam in the mix of the lyrics. Here's another group spoofing Snoop Doggy Dogg. Representing good ole Melbourne.

By the way, are you munching on something? Remember to eat it when it's hot.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

SI Meets Vidiyal

For this mega-meddlesome post, we have to thank our friends at, who knowingly or unknowingly managed to provide much fodder. They earlier interviewed STMC [sorry excuse for a Tamil rap group, of course not forgetting their CHART TOPPING hit, "Tekka Nanba"]. Now, they attempt to remain current by calling on the (in) famous winners of Dhool 2006/7, NUS Vidiyal.

A bit of history since I have the time., obviously a name borrowing of the famous #singapore_indians channel on Galaynet in mIRC which is still active, was meant to follow the footsteps of [a million dollar revenue drawing site] by the same creators but has since hit the doldrums and functions like a Friendster-esque pick up joint. I mean why pay cover charge and polish up your pick up lines at the clubs when you can just type one standard cheesy message and Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V it to a hundred different people. [Possible post on the levels of un-intellectual bombardment a female can receive in the near future]

There you have it. The story of a site gone wrong. Unless of course this was some devious Machiavellian plot and this was HOW the site was supposed to work out, as planned.

The crux of my point here is, surprise surprise, nothing to do with Dhool, it's components or aftermath. Rather, let's for a moment focus on the way Yindians answer to interviews.

Somewhere deep down in our genetics, we are all born story tellers. Rajini in Baasha says "Tamizhan vaayeh moodinaal, sethu poiruvaan" [An indian would die if he had to shut his mouth]. Thus, more often than not, interviews with Yindian people rarely are short of penning down the Mahabharata all over again.

Kollywood and Bollywood personalities have learnt over time that it is downright foolish to answer what one really thinks or to answer too much. The Yindian tabloids can be much more cruel than the paparazzi of US/UK whom we are well accustomed to. It has become a necessity if you are in the media world to let your publicist guide your movements and what comes out of your mouth.

Need proof? Indian Movie News used to publish long, beat around the "aala maram" interviews. Now, times have changed and staccato answers are what rule the day. Also, how many times have you caught yourself watching/reading an interview and going "NNB, don't bluff me la. What you really mean to say was...". Get my drift?

We review these Yindians' interview techniques and what WE thought they really meant. Reproduced here with NO paragraphing [to prove their story telling skills] and alignment editing; the words weren't touched. From the same team that brought you their first podcast. O Level students, take note, major summary techniques coming up.

Q. What's the difference between the previous dance groups from NUS and the one which rocked the stage for Dhool 2007?

A. NUS had dance groups like Minnal, Puyal and Sulzhal in the past years. Their dance style was modern folk and we wanted to be different from them. We experimented with dance steps from Paso Doble, Salsa, Jazz and Ballet. Our aim was to be unique which ultimately led us to victory.

What we understood: You won cos you were unique.

Q. Who came up with the choreography for Vidiyal? Who was the brain behind those beautiful dance performances?

A. Everyone's ideas came up together for the choreography. Some of us had dance backgrounds which came in handy. Choosing the right song took us a week sometimes and we would then research about the song and discuss which dance style would be the most suitable for it. We took every step seriously and eight of us played together to achieve what we did.

What we understood: 8 people "play" is better than 1 brain. Always approach a dance choreography like you would a Social Studies project. Research and Discussion. R & D.

Q. Costumes play an important part in standing out from other dance groups. In our opinion you did a great job. Did you get any help from any fashion designers?

A. Well, once we came up with songs and steps, our next task was to design the costumes. We chose colours which would be unique and also used printed materials which helped us to stand out from the other teams. We found that some groups didn't co-ordinate their costumes with their performance. We made sure we didn't do the mistake of making no sense; dressing in costumes that didn't have any connection to the song selected.

What we understood: Story has begun [Re: Well..... costumes]. Not answering to the question. Comprehension skills fail. Also, they managed to make "sense" as opposed to other groups' "no sense".

Q. In our Indian society, a lot of parents find that it's a waste of time for their children to take up dance. But you, NUS students, the supposed “nerds” of Singapore , how did you manage to convince your parents to allow you to join Dhool? What would you like to say to parents who have children who want to take up dancing?

A. When we named our group Vidiyal, we had a reason for adding the letters “NUS” to it. We wanted to show the society that we are not your regular bookworm or "Padikara Jathi" (Studying Caste). We enjoy to dance and we believe that every Indian out there love to dance too. When we entered this competition, we had the chance to prove that we could handle both studies and perform well in other activities without losing focus. Parents have to support and educate their children on what is important. It's a two way process for the youngsters too. If you want to dance, show that your attention doesn't waver from your studies. Prove to them that you can prioritise appropriately. In fact our parents turned up during rehearsals and gave us pointers and comments on how to improve our dance.

What we understood: We are made aware of another caste in the multitude of castes that actually exist. The main reason for joining Dhool was NOT for the prize money or for fame etc. , rather to SHOW that one can dance and study. How noble.

Q. As full time students, how did you manage both your studies and dance practices? We heard that you guys had exams the following day after the finals, how did you cope?

A. All of us submitted our timetables to our leader to come up with a comfortable schedule. Our practice times were kept at a constant 6 – 9 pm. Before the finals our passion took over and we sometimes stayed overnight to practice. We played games to keep ourselves awake and alert during the break times. Although we were pushing ourselves for victory on the other hand we always kept reminding ourselves that we had to study at the same time.

What we understood: Every team needs a leader. The leader needs to be good at timetabling.

Q. Did you feel intimidated competing against well known names like Triadic and Acidhouz?

A. We knew we were competing against those who already have a strong following and reputation as good dance groups, and this made us push ourselves harder. We made sure we did different moves and constantly tried to challenge ourselves to do something different. We set our own standard and tried to break it each time. In this sense, we considered ourselves our biggest opponents.

What we understood: Firstly, obviously research error. Triadiac was not a well known name before Dhool. What we inferred from this answer though, is that, the other opponents are just not "opponent" enough as themselves. Thus, the cliched "Conquer yourself to conquer your enemies" Kungfu line emerges.

Q. Plenty of people out there claim that NUS Vidiyal won due to favourtism. What do you have to say about this whole controversy?

A. There will always be rumours that any winning team had some help to gain that position. Seriously we are tired of explaining this to everyone. There is no chance to have any influence on our winning due the reason that sms voting were audited by the officials and accounted for and was tabulated few mines away before the prizes were given out. The criteria to win Dhool 2007: 60% judges and 40% SMS votes. We did our part by sending mass emails to our family and friends to support us. What people out there fail to realise is that, they could've helped the teams they were supporting if they had sent in their votes as well. And if they feel that the winning was based solely on sms votes, then the winning positions would not be at all like what we have right now. We also believe that the judges should have acted professionally and saved their integrity by not giving comments after the show. They were given a time and a place to comment and we feel that it's unfair to say something after the show that contradicts with what they said during the show. These comments give a bad name to the production companies and broadcasting channels. The public should be aware that the teams are only there to dance and win the competition, and that we do not wish to create and controversies at all. Ultimately at the end of the day, the winners are still the winners.

What we understood: When one is defensive, one talks a lot to defend. If your head is not exploding at reading such a large amount of unparagraphed text you would have realized that judge Selva isn't exactly Mr. Professional and Mr. Popular in their opinion. Also, Megastar and Vasantham have since suffered a "lose face" scenario, due to Selva, in the humble opinion of Vidiyal.

Q. Did any dance groups have any misunderstanding backstage? Was there any drama?

A. We found that the other dance groups behaved very professionally. They were supportive and encouraging everyone backstage. We found a lot of spirit among our fellow competitors. There wasn't any enmity amongst us at all. We supported each other and sometimes even shared our make up.

What we understood: Sharing M.A.C. is equivalent to support.

Q. Some people we know have lucky pens, socks and even undergarments. Did Vidiyal have anything like that? What was your good luck charm? How did you boost your morale before each performance?

A. Well, despite being from different religious backgrounds, we all held hands and said a prayer. One thing that could be considered our good luck charm could be at the end of the day, we all huddled together, joined hands and cheered ourselves by saying “Vidiyal”. Whoever was there joined us, it was not restricted to only the team members. This not only could be considered our good luck charm, but it also helped to boost our morale. When we were performing, we knew that we were not only doing it for ourselves but also for our family, friends and supporters.

What we understood: Nothing really, we were busy reminiscing about our Sec 1 orientation camp, school cheers and mass dances.

Q. What changes do you all want to find in the upcoming Dhool completion? Do you have any suggestions that you wish would be introduced in the upcoming competitions?

A. Well there were already many changes in this Dhool in comparison to the previous ones. Hopefully we'd be able to have a better concrete identity for Dhool. Don't be known simply as an Indian dance competition, but a competition where teams are able to gain exposure. Not only in Vasantham, but maybe on Suriya or the main channel such as channel 5 for that matter. We however, feel that maybe they could've improved with the choice of judges who were there. We felt that they had judges with mostly classical backgrounds, which can be considered a down point for the groups who had a mostly hip hop or modern dance background. Next, we hope that the judges would be more constructive with their criticisms and instead of just saying that they wanted to see something new, they could've also told us what styles they were expecting from us. Certain groups were very good at a particular style of dance, which is their plus point. Expecting them to dance something out of their comfort zone would be unfair to them. Another thing that they can do to improve the competition could be to maybe have an agreement with another channel, and make it a truly Singaporean event and have a cross channel show. And a suggestion to our Indian teams would be that, do not stay only in Dhool. Venture out and try to gain a stand in other dance competitions. Make Singaporeans be aware that there is a Indian dance team who can do what you do best.

What we understood:

a. Choice of judges suck
b. Judges don't talk sense
c. Cross channel what??!? I think this brainstorming session needs to end soon.
d. Teams should venture to other competitions too to show the "Indian" infusion. So, Vidiyal is joining The Dance Floor next season?

Pardon the slicing and dicing. Our inner children were inspired by the return of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Fret not. Did you really think we were going to let you read a serious, expository discussion by us and not lead you on to controversy? After reading the published text, some readers got on the comment bandwagon [what here at KLKillahs we all know too well].

The Dumb Ones

Uma Devi: I think its unfair judgement..i noe NUS vidayal dance perform was nice. but shld given others a chance as NUS as been getting 1st prize for pass yrs. i guess so. every team shld given a chance every year.. [Comment mirrored by Sugar Gurl too]

Right, I think we should just let Liverpool win the EPL since they haven't done so for many years.

Maya M: ...But then again, how can the Indian society allow another team to outshine NUS when they wanna paint a false picture that only the Local University students are ideal.... How can one blame them, when the Indian society is nothing but full of false ideals and status!

A nationally televised competition is actually a conspiracy theory to cement NUS as the elitists of society. A bit too far fetched even by our imaginative standards.

The Angsty Ones

Selvam S: Yanisha , who the hell let you out of Woodbridge? Maybe the warden should lock you back in and throw the keys away. Bottom line is NUS's victory, if thats what you want to call it, is ill deserved. Nothing has changed in the last decade . I have observed many a times when the "popular" school walks way with the trophy instead of the true winners. I guess we should really point our machetes at the judges who belong to the group of Indian scumbags with warped perceptions, ensuring the " popular" school never loses to the "otherwise". As long as these roaches and the machinations are allowed to endure, we will never see the true spirit of competition come to form. Judges, you truly are a disgrace. NUS, stop patting yourself on the back. You didn't win anything. Yanisha, go back to your cell.

We're extremely sorry your extreme displeasure with the Singapore Education system and the education divide has made you want to place a link from it to any competition you come across and the winners are not to your liking.

The Management

Rekha [of the interview team]: This comment page is beginning to bore me. Acidhouz and Diversity fans, I would like to say one thing to all of you. I am VERY VERY happy that NUS Vidiyal won the competition. They were available for an interview that very weekend. However, Acidhouz confirmed and canceled times, BLOODY TIMES! We have given up trying to contact them. Diversity, they were supposedly too shy to contact us, but not shy to prance around on stage in clothes with holes cut out.*shakes her head* NUS Vidiyal may not be the best dance group out there, but I assure you, those guys are the best ones that I contacted for an interview. BTW, I am sure they are having fun with all that prize and money whilst you guys whine about how other groups should've won. In my opinion, the best men, in this case, best men and women, DID win.

Whereabouts do we go to find good journalism when even the interviewers can't be objective? Likening not agreeing to an interview to the clothes people wear? Are you even aware of the lack of logic in your statement?

Back to where to get good objective, in your face, reports on all the happenings in the local Yindian scene: The KLKillahs of course.

Still, in a final look back, perhaps Dhool didn't deliver all that we wanted them to. Before, during and definitely AFTER the competition. But there always is one whipping horse that reminds us that there are lower levels to hit. We hope they win big in Pradana Vizha just to prove that bad programming can make it big. Hurrah for the underdogs!

Which was worst?

, , ,
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

To Curry or Not To Curry

Welcoming Ghost Particle to the fray, representing Sungai Petani, Kedah. Give or take 600 miles from our great nation. There we go again, we Yindians, trying to take over the world. But first, like every good politician, youse better have a goddamn classy politico speech. How else to promise colour TVs and win the masses? GP tries his hand to be Samy Vellu II.

Been trying to post for a few days. Its hard to blog when all the ideas come and pass when you're riding the bike into the sunset. So here we go. My first post in KLKillahs!

The epitome of 'being an Indian' is deeply rooted in our culture. We are very proud of who we are because of our roots. This for the good or bad, puts us in the spotlight in a distant corner, in our own world. The idea of KLK, that we being stereotyped are typical of what we are. But how do we break out from this? Why can't we look beyond the sunset, beyond the borders of our secure Indian world and touch the sky?

It's rare to see an Indian dream being compared to an American dream because we are at most insane idiots when it comes to capturing the dream of the future. We are constantly left behind because we let ourselves drift with the waves of the 'Keling' mentality people. These people are not out brothers or sisters, they don't deserve the camaraderie that a band of brothers should really have.

What we really want is a community where the new born Indian has a chance to fight on the same level and excel higher than anyone else based on being simply part of the fast forward future. We want independent thinkers and community builders who can look beyond the skin and emotions to capture the moment. We must think as a winning community rather than falling victim to our pasts or to the cry of the masses.

Constantly ask why can't we be different. What will happen to us if we want to be different? Can we live without our stereotypical reference pulling us behind.

With this, and joining the band, lets together kick out the oppressors of the KLK world and build a brighter future for our community!

Ok, I'm stumped. I wanted to cast my vote but I figure all his "building" and "referencing" was straight out of a civil engineer interview. Hope you landed the job bro.

Friday, March 16, 2007


Sometimes we all come up with "What if" stories blending reality and imagination. Sometimes, these stories are quite fun when churned up by a devious mind. Div with one of her tales:

When 2 Tamilans Went Camping

Two makkehs went on a camping trip in East Coast Park after their O's to celebrate.

After smoking a pack and drinking a six pack, checking out the babes and checking out their handphones they felt rather woozy and decided that they needed to lie down for the night; and they went to sleep.

Some hours later, makkeh 1 awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Makkeh, look at the sky da! What can you see?"

Makkeh 2 peers at the sky and says "I see millions and millions of stars."

"Ya, but wat is the shtars telling you da?" Makkeh 1 questioned.

Makkeh 2 pondered for a minute. Since he was a chatty drunk and always felt magically more intelligent when he had 3 cans, he added "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Makkeh 1 was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Aiyo makkeh, someone has stolen our tent da!"

They went back to sleep, too tired to do anything about the alleged theft and woke up the next morning.

They found the unopened and unpitched tent right next to them.


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

A Levels Real Deal

Twas a few days back that we urged KLKlanites to suss out those miscreant A Level Aces for us to have a chat and perhaps pick their brain [read: prove that we are indeed smarter]. Alas, none were found. And we were a tad too lazy to actually go through Frenster, [first and last name available ma] and let them know we were knocking on their door and their chance to 15 bytes of fame.

Perhaps, this is what really happened:

Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

KLKalyanam Kons

Fresh off the blogosphere, we encounter a like minded matrimonial individual.

Haven't you ever encountered people with pompous job titles, who harp on it in an attempt to make everyone else feel like a damn loser.

This is also important for all those Yindians who will go on to choose their potential life partners. Don't get too impressed by an impressive sounding job title people.

Well my dear friends, fret no more. I have come to extend a helping hand to all my fellow Yindians who will shop for a man/woman online.

I have unravelled what these 'beautified' and 'glorified' titles really mean.

*Garden Boy (Thotakkaaran)
:Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist

*Maid (Veetu Velaikaari)
:Family Environs Upkeep Manager

:Front Office Manager/Office Access Control

:Printed Document Handler

: Business Communications Conveyer

*Window Cleaner
: Transparent Wall Technician

*Temporary Teacher
: Associate Tutor

*Tea Boy
: Hospitality management officer

*Garbage Collector (Kuppaiya Kootaravan)
: Public Sanitation Technician

: Surveillance specialist

: Wealth Distribution Executive

: Automobile Propulsion Specialist

: Domestic Operations Specialist

: Administration Manager

*Cook (Samaiyalkaaran)
: Haute Cuisine Chef

*Unemployed (Velai vetti-yilladha dhanda choru)
: Time management specialist

Gossiping(Veen vambu-kaari/kaaran)
: Social Research Executive

Full post HERE.

, ,
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

KLKribs - Melbourne

This was lying to fallow in the "Drafts" for so long, I near forgot it existed. Since, me, the girlfriend and half Singapore's population are on the verge of cracking a random person's skull due to a very very bad day, The Girl rants and raves on our behalf. Though not on the same topics in question.

Photo: Monash Indian Ball 2004 by anu.arya

Having grown up in the sunny island of Singapore, in the assembly of pinafore clad girls of CHIJ Katong Convent, to the mangamma madness of Upper Serangoon Secondary school, and having lived in Yishun for 3 years, I thought I've seen all there is to see about Indians.

I guess I made the mistake of thinking that characteristically at least, Indians are pretty much the same.

Since I hung out with a predominantly Aussie clique for the first two years I was in Melbourne, I didn't really get the opportunity to analyse the Indian crowd in Melbourne. However after coming to Monash University, I was thrown into the 'Kya yaar' throng of Indians. And so my global Indian education began. Albeit only in Monash University, it is quite a lesson.

In my university, there are the 'Indians' and then there are the 'Curries'

Disclaimer: Curries are what the Indians do not want to become. There are not bad people per se, but they can be quite embarrassing. It can be said that this is a case of 'same-race' racism, where some Indians frown upon the mannerisms of other Indians. As for me, I joined the group of Indians who made more sense to me. I do take a lot pleasure in watching the 'Curries' and commenting on them, as I am sure they do at us. Basically, this post is meant to entertain with no detrimental intent whatsoever.

The Curries.

You can pick them out from anywhere. Curries vary from India Indians, to Aussie Born Indians (ABIs).

Sub-Continental Indian Curries

You can pick them out from anywhere. Their dressing style is very distinct. They do the whole 'I am trying to look like I just got out of bed and walked to uni but actually I was up for the last 4 hrs doing my hair' thing.

First, their shirt. It will only be tucked in the front. That is one look that baffled me. I mean, you wanna tuck in your shirt you tuck it in, if you don't, then DON'T. What is this half and half crap? Eventually, wisdom descended upon me, and I found out that they are going for the 'I-made-out-behind-the-bathroom-dishevelled-shirt' look. See, the unfortunate thing is their entire 'I'm happening yaar' guise falls flat because all 478 of them walk around like that.

Ah..then come the pants. Always hung low, BUT BUT, not for the reasons all other guys I know wear their pants low. Because these guys want to show off their latest super expensive sexy ass boxers/jocks. It is very crucial that everytime they lift their arms, everyone within a 5 metre radius should be able to see the brand name of thier undergarments.

It is a cardinal rule that everything they throw on their torso has to be designer duds. And they let you know it.

ME: Hey, how was your weekend.

Curry: It was alright ya, I went to the city with *insert names of no less than 10 friends*

ME: Yea?? Where did you guys go.

Curry: Everywhere! It is so hard to find a decent pair of gloves.

ME: Gloves? C'mon there are SO many gloves at Target, Priceline, even at Roxy and Billabong.

Curry: *Sniffs* hmmm...I went looking all around Chapel St...I went from Gucci, to Ralph Lauren to *Insert designer brand names*

ME: Right.

Their daddy's money is at their disposal, and that does benefit people below the poverty line like me. For example, it is common to pre-drink before heading off to the club or pub. In cases like these, they are very very generous with their drinks. And at the pub or club, if you give them a stick of chewing gum, they'll end up buying you drinks. So basically, they have no spending limit. Which usually means a lot of them get BLIND drunk. Which would be fine by me if they did not spend the whole time convincing me that they are not drunk and then throw up on me.

Now these curries have adopted this whole 'I want to get rid of my indian accent' thing. Trust me, it is nauseating. I mean, to go from 'Hey where were you yaar' to 'Where've you been mate' is quite a lot to stomach. Which brings me to a massive pet peeve of mine. What is wrong with your natural accent? Yea, like Russell Peters said, the Indian accent isn't the coolest. But it defines Indians. Just the way Singaporeans and Malaysians don't have the best sounding accents. Poseurs. But I digress. I've told a few of these curries off, but once they see that white skin and blonde hair, they slap that Aussie accent on.

If you walk into any cafe in my uni, and spot a table with trays strewn haphazardly, empty cups littered around the table and chairs not pushed back in, you know for a fact that the Curry bomb has hit that place. The world and everyone in it are their servants.

Aussie Born Indian Curries

What is the use of curling your fake mahogany brown hair perfectly, applying blue mascara on the top eyelid, black mascara on the bottom eyelid, 3 colours of eyeshadow, wearing chandelier earings, 3000 bangles/bands on each arm, long chains, a shiny top and skinny jeans, boots (for fuck sake), and a perfume you can smell 50 miles away, to UNI!!?!?

It probably takes 3 hours to do all that. And who actually bothers doing all of that? CURRY GIRLS. Aussie Born Indian chicks all look the bloody same too. If you are gonna spend so much time dolling up, it wouldn't hurt to be original now would it? They treat every walking surface like a fashion runway.

And they travel in packs like wolves, sniffing out the latest metro sexual Aussie Indian dude who thinks he is too cool to be Indian because he is 'Aussie' by nationality. SCREW YOU. How come I see you at every Indian clubbing event, singing along to every damn song? Still Indian by musical inclinations?

What pisses me off the most is the way the girls look at me when they walk past me. They give me the 'Oh you poor girl, I am SO much hotter than you. All the curry boys will look at me 10 times before they even glance at you' look. To that I give them the 'I am smarter than you. Period. I'll be paying your salary' look.

The craziest thing about these Curries is how they DON'T want to be Indian. The Sub-Continental Curries seem hellbent on losing their accent and the Aussie Indians actually take PRIDE in not knowing their native mother tongue. It is one thing not to know it, but to be proud that you don't know it is just bloody obnoxious.

ABI: Hey, I'm *vaguely Indian sounding name*

ME: Oh hey, Gaya, Nice to meet you.

ABI: Oh Gaya, that's that from Captain Planet?

ME: Haha, no I get that a lot, but it is Indian. Erm, short for Gayathri.

ABI: OH yeaaaa, I was thinking that you might be Indian.

ME: You are too right?

ABI: *Shrugs* *VERY Obnoxious* Yea I guess so..haha!!

ME: Where are your parents from

ABI: Oh India, from Delhi

ME: So can you speak Hindi?

ABI: OH NO! *giggles*

And yet, they rub all over each and every curry boy they see. Nothing sickens me more than whitewashed Indians.

Curry boys also think they are 'Da Bomb', which is actually quite humorous. They seem to be deluded that they are the Princes of the Bay of Bengal and so every female would be stunned by their bedazzling eyes and lick their feet. Walk by them and all of a sudden they are talking louder, laughing louder and some would laugh so hard they would fall out of the group and ACCIDENTALLY bump into you. *rolls eyes*

So as you can see, this post has turned from a mere examination of the Curries to a full on bitchfest. Well, as annoying as they are, they make my uni life interesting. Curries will always be curries.

Editor's Note: Highly interesting. I'm famished. Click HERE for "How to make a Curry".

, , , ,
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

Monday, March 12, 2007


In order to maintain the one of the largest populations in the world, marriage is a must in India. Single parenthood is unheard of and abortion can only take place with your in-laws permission and if the baby is a girl. Again, to have in-laws, you must be married.

But, in land where dating is still taboo, mixed group outings are rarely seen, and arranged marriages are the order of the day, meeting the right man or woman is very difficult. Unless you are a Bad Indian Girl, then of course, you can do whatever the hell you want.

A few smart fellows who have realized this have made millions setting up internet portals where single men and women can view without prejudice, select without embarrassment, correspond in confidentiality and finally make the decision to take the plunge – and ask the parents for permission to meet.

Careful research into these portals has revealed a few typical scenarios. Or types of people, rather. If anyone out there has taken out an ad with one of those portals, and recognize yourselves here, we just want to say thanks for the opportunity to laugh at ourselves.

The Mama’s boy/ girl

You probably have no idea you even have a profile up on the matrimonial portal, cos your parents put it there for you. They describe you as God’s gift to humanity, and that the person who are looking for should be God’s gift to them.

My only daughter is a very sober natured girl. Her father has expired 4 yrs back. He was Sikh Punjabi by religion. I am Bengali. She has been brought up in bengali culture.
She is a post graduate in Business Managemnet and working with a Finance organization of Repute in Delhi in a senior position.
We have our own house.
We are looking for a sober, simple natured and understanding boy for her.

With an “expired” father, and her own real estate, she sounds like quite a catch.

And to be fair, here is a couple selling their son:-

my son is a marine engineer working in foreign flag ship as 2nd eng. he will be in ship for 3/4 months and home as he wish. bride to be graduate and emp/ un understand my sons profession.

Comes home as he wishes? Sounds like the folks are looking for a companion for themselves more than for their son.

The past 40s

These people act like they don’t need this and don’t even know why they are here. But sometimes, one is hard pressed to keep the desperation out of your tone.

Getting down to the basic package. I am good looking, slim, intelligent with great sense of humour, independent and a fairly down to earth person. Fed up with being on my own as it would be good to have a likeminded companion with some energy for living! Tired of meeting men who don't live up to their profiles! are there any good looking, independent, young at heart and in looks forty something asian men out there looking for friendship which hopefully leads to a serious.

Ok, basic message – I have done this a lot, I have always been dumped, there something inherently wrong with me. If you are breathing, I’ll work with you.

The over promising NRI

He also does not believe in sentence structure or full stops. By the way, he makes less than 25,00 a year.

My name is XXXX I want to get married, I am 5ft6inch tall with an average built my mom is from India and dad is from an Urdu speaking family of Dacca, we live in Canada and are Canadian citizen… I am looking for a Urdu speaking wife most preferably from Karachi, Pakistan/u.p,bihar, hydrabad,Calcutta India or Pakistani/Indian settled in Canada is also welcome about my background ,moms from a Muslim family of Calcutta & dad's from an Urdu speaking family of former east Pakistan. . Thanks though please note that I personally do not give any important to all this family background, caste, status at all but for yours convenient I gave my family background details but for me my wife's, family background DOES NOT MATTER at all as I am not this type of a person for me I am a Muslim and a Canadian sure I have my like,s and dislike,s but the most important part is that I have to like the person I want to get married to and that's just enough for me I am quiet a western and open minded person in nature. After all ISLAM is my deen and Canada is my country and I love them both

Looking for: very fair or at least fair, average built , Pakistani /Indian or origin's of Pakistani/Indian settled in Canada should be Muslim and Urdu speaking

The maid employer.

she must be beautiful ,smart, fair ,educated and compassion,caring,understanding and loving.she should understand my profession and accordingly support me morally.i want her support and love.she should respect my parents and care them like her parents.i want my wife to be self sustained if she is ambitious.she can continue her higher studies or her profession.

Basically I want a maid who can pay her own way.

The Pedigree Conscious

A very simple garhwali brahman girl. Working in TCS. she is MCA from bhopal. Father is Asst. Work manager in Security Paper Mill govt of india. One elder brother (married ) lecturer in GNB Uttranchal universcity.

My Job: Working in TCS as Asst Syystem Engineer joined in May 2005. Can be transfered to Delhi, or other metro city . Looking for: Simple with High living values. Confident, responsible. And respect my family belong to garhwali brahmim

About Career: Plan to work after marriage.

My Family: Father Working as Asst works Manager in Security Paper Mill (M.P).
class I officer. Mother House wife(Nauitiyal)
One Elder Brother (married). Lecturer in Dept ofPharmacy HNB garhwal .universty uttrancal

Barking up the wrong tree

He is tall, athlectic, not interested in girls, owns a gym in his basement and likes to be fit? He is gay. Don’t waste your time here.

My son is 5.11 athletic built and an introvert homely kind of guy who likes exercising playing outdoor games and a complete family person besides in transportation business he runs his own health club which he is operating from the basement of our house we are a Punjabi family from lahore background.

My Job: he is operating from the basement of our house from where he is running his health club also. we are he authorised supplier of barley malt from barmalt ind pvt ltd two factorie in sikkim and a factory in orissa

Looking for: a homely girl who should have values

And there you have it, the guide to finding the right match on an Indian matrimonial portal. We can only help you identify the losers. The rest is up to you. Wait up for our bomb blast follow up post on KLKalyanam II.

, , , ,
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

Friday, March 09, 2007

Chiran Jeevi's Horse

You think you've seen all the "Truck blocks the road, hero slides underneath it and escapes" scenes already? Check this one out from Telugu Mega Star Chiranjeevi.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

A Levels Results 2007

Now we definitely need to recognize the masterminds who manage to ace subjects I am still flunking in uni. Taken from TNP, 3rd March 2007, a list of the distinguished distinction go getters. Only the Yindian ones of course. [P.S. Welcome to uni, where you get to fail as easily as you order your chicken murtabak with extra kwah]

Number of distinctions indicated in brackets beside the name. 3 JCs failed to provide a namelist. Boo to them.


Revant Kapoor (8)
Bhavina Batukbhai (6)


Jeevan Raaj Thangayah


Ray Ninan Panicker (6)


Japees Singh Kohli


Anjali Krishnan


Aarti Ramesh Khemlani


Nandini Trivedi


Rajendran Mohan

Just for the record a maximum of 8 distinctions would mean: 4 A Level Subjects, 3 S-Papers and A1 for GP.

Now, for some KLKommunity involvement. If you, the members of our KLKlan are friends or know of any of these names listed, do let them know that the KLKillahs would like to get in touch with them for an interview. Get them to e-mail us at: and we will make it worth their while for acing their As.

, , ,
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

KLK·ontroversial Kompetition Konklusion

So, I hope that all naysayers and praise-rs can await another Vasantham junk bond show to air their views. Not like it matters to most of us anyway, Jodi Number One is a way better production and we're not going to switch back to Channel 5 that soon except when there's zilch to watch on the rest of our 200 channels including Wrestlemania on Pay Per View.

We left it to you to a vote. This vote thing riles many a person up eh? Be it "X marks the spot" on our General Election voting slips or "Sms 1 for ****" virtual voting or even a show of hands in our classroom as to who should be the next monitor. No one really is happy about voting we suppose, even if their side actually wins it. This is after all the bane of a democracy.

Well, you voted and this is who YOU thought SHOULD have won it:

In reality however [as opposed to virtual reality where we reside], the vote count totalled up to a massive 31 914 SMSes. Multiplied by 60 cents a pop, nets Megastar/Vasantham [we're not aware of the percentages] a total sum of $19 148.40

There IS no free lunch in the media. Couple this with the tens of thousands that are coughed up for the commercials slotted in before, during and after the show and you can see, there IS nothing KLKontroversial about this competition. It was a successful one, to line pockets that is.

Alas, this monetary benefit accrued didn't really show in the actual layout and presentation of the programme. Did we see all the finalists go at it with different genres of music? Nah, all we got to see was what everyone was good at. Yes, they were given the same music and asked to choreograph their moves to it. But so? Let's imagine you gave Senthil and Goundamani the same banana and asked them to do something with it. Senthil is gonna end up eating it. While Goundamani is probably gonna end up peeling off its skin, laying it on the floor coupla metres ahead and then running to slip and fall violently on it.

At the end of the day, the test should have been genres and not speed of choreography. Comments on this point are welcome. For a more well received and all rounded approach to a dance competition, perhaps we should view and await the end of Dance Floor on Channel 5 to see if at least THEY know what they are doing whilst collecting our SMS votes. Now, even that is a rip off of So You Think You Can Dance? on Fox, so I think we're better off Bit Torrenting those episodes instead.

Although the competition per se wasn't so great as to award it an Emmy for Best Televised Drama cum Dance Kompetition, it did serve to bring out many a talent I feel. By talent, it is not only dance steps and moves we should acknowledge. Let me elaborate group by group:

1.Tridiac - Managed to bring mainstream hiphop to Yindians. Hip hop has been around for quite a while from the times when Run DMC gave us "My Adidas". In our country though, we have only been aware of perhaps Malay hiphop artistes, notably Triple Noize and the likes. This time, Tridiac, coincidentally also in the wake of Yogi B's new album, have brought to the fore that Yindians are capable of busting the moves of the old skool 'uns themselves. Big up to those B Boys.

2. Stepz - Stepz is a likable group. They brought us bhangra steps with a twist. They entertained us. And they should have gotten more recognition than they received. It's our sincere hope that Stepz grows from this to become a full fledged dancing powerhouse, as the quality of their finals performance would show.

3. Kali Dancers - Did you take a look at the props they brought forth in the finals? Kali Dancers in fact have the most Yindian feel about them and we love that. Choreography attributed to their "Guru", is top notch too. Somehow we feel this is not the last we're gonna hear of them.

4. Diversity - This all girl group simply wows for the lone reason that they are all female. Females adore other females who exhibit talent. Quite unlike the male species who are quite tantamount to shrug off other males who are getting jiggy with it. Males however also are drawn to the females who are indulging in some goyang goyang on the platform. Thus, Diversity is a group that cannot be disliked for the sheer composition of the group. Diversity also showed their diverse [pun intended] range of dance genres and they deserve a round of applause for it.

5. Acid Houz - The ones who made us love them. Newbies to the Yindian dance scene might have watched them here for the first time but AcidHouz never fails to up the ante when it comes down to a dog fight. A list of their achievements:

2003 NUS Dance Competition [6th]
2003 X Plosion Nite [4th]
2003 AMK Dance Competition [3rd]
2003 Kampong Ubi Dance Competition [Champions]
2004 Kreta Ayer Lock Up Dance Competition [4th]
2004 Chong Pang CC Revolution Nite [Champions]
2004 X - Plosion Nite [2nd]
2004 NaadaRasta AMK CC [2nd]
2005 Thrill Nite [2nd]
2005 DWA Nite [Consolation]
2005 X - Plosion Nite [Champions]
2005 Dhool [2nd]
2005 NaadaRasta AMK CC [2nd]
2005 Nanyang CC Asuraz Thillai [Champions]
2006 FunkamaniA [4th]
2006 NUS Dance Competition [Champions]
2006 Thrill Nite [Champions]
2006 DWA Nite [Champions]

Need we say more? Houza Houz.

6. Borderz 159 - The traditional arch rivals of AcidHouz and other perpetual dance competition entrants, Borderz didn't dissapoint us in any round of this event at all. Started off from old ITE AMK students, they held their own with their distinct style of costumes and moves all the way. Need a list of their achievements? Scroll on:

Vasantham Vetri Vizha [Champions]
Thrill Nite 05 [Champions]
DWA Nite 05 [2nd]
X-plosion Nite 05 [2nd]
Revolution Nite 05 [Champions]
Megastar Dhool 05 [3rd]
Vasantha Oli [Champions]
NaadaRasta [3rd]
Zee Zoom Baa [3rd]
NUS Dance Competition [Consolation]
Bukit Panjang CC [Champions]
Thrill Nite 06 [2nd]
Dwa Nite 06 [3rd]
Dhool Nite 06 [2nd]

7. Anarchy 99 - Anarchy aka Movesh we all know too well if you've been tuning in to any Vasantham variety program in recent times. They backup singers in the same vein as Rameshwara's Group and Sangeshtraz frequently and have undergone a name change to compete here. [Couldn't find a list of achievements for them, so if anyone possesses it, give us a heads up or e-mail us]. We want to see more of these people too. But definitely not in the context of a souped up reality based [which didn't happen] competition like this one.

Now, we've rounded up the groups and the individual contributions they brought to the table. Walking away with a bitter taste in your mouth or chewing some sticky "halwa", all we can do is cross our fingers and hope better programming comes along soon.

Dance. Dance group. Fusion. Dappan Kuuthu. Graamiyam. Hiphop. Ballet. Salsa. Tango. The list goes on. What is the scope for an Yindian dance group here anyway? Are they just destined to get 5 minutes of fame [average length of a Tamil song] dancing back up from time to time and walking away with a pittance? We know a group that for sheer PR skills alone has trumped everyone else.

Meet Sangeshtraz, the only Yindian [founded by ex-ITE Doverites] dance troupe we found with a website to boot. The face of the group is Morali who even features in Sinda's Step Tuition ads. A group that doesn't resort to Friendster and like minded social networking sites but was bothered to purchase and do up their own webpage? Impressive. Browse through and you will find their history, reflections of their founder, a photo and video gallery and even a feedback form on what you thought of their performances!

You think that's all? These are some of the other pies they've sunk their fingers in:

Costume designing & tailoring
Rental of costumes and accessories
Dance choreography for school programmes,SYF and other shows
Tuition classes
Enrichment programmes
Modelling services
Yoga classes

Sangeshtraz has our vote for being the shining star of Yindian dance groups in our tiny nation for the sheer pride they have in their work and the professionalism with which they face the virtual and real community.

Late Addition:

Depending on response, another post might go up on this matter because I like the way the readership counters are jumping. If there is anyone from any dance group who would like to speak to us with their views on "what really happened" or "what went wrong" or "what *** group is truly like", feel free to e-mail us and we'll get back to you ASAP. All views expressed are strictly anonymous and you may even submit a video, written text or get down and dirty in a face to face interview. So, calling any member of Acidhouz, Borderz, Anarchy, Diversity, Kali Dancers, Tridiac and Stepz; get in touch with us, we wanna hear from you. Confidentiality willl be strictly adhered to.

We know we promised a Part 6: Interview with a Vidiyalite post, but what the hell, we thinks they have been vocal enough on our comments already.

Ekkada Chudu!
provogue said... Hey guys, you are entitled to your opinions but pls refrain from accusing the Vidiyal team for winning. We did not use any underhand tactics, we did not hold anyone hostage. If you think it's unfair that we won, pls direct your accusations and questions to the producers. We did not force anyone to give us the prize. You are free to insult our dance performances but don't personally insult the team and its members.
visha said...I have a doubt. Everyone claims Acidhouz to be the true winner in the competition and that NUS Vidiyal did not deserve the trophy. In which case can someone please explain to me why it is acceptable for them to reuse a dance piece which they have performed previously at Thrill Nite without anyone questioning the integrity of their competitive spirit. Especially when the groups from the second semifinals only had two weeks to choreograph an entirely new dance as well as design and tailor costumes. How fair is this to the other groups competing?

For your reference:

Acidhouz at Thrill Night

Acidhouz at Dhool Finals

I'm done here. The rest of youse can do your literary works in the comments. We'll chuckle along.

, , , ,
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

Its just a matter of time

I'm still pondering on what to do with that Dhool thing. Is it really something I could be bothered to write and wrap up? I think not. In my humble opinion, I couldn't really give a rat's ass on who dances what. Like I don't have 20 other JC/Poly/CC dance competitions to go and watch this calendar year. Still, to appease the hungry souls and your penchant for mindless banter, I might come up with something soon. In the mean time, Nal has unearthed a gem from a very fine Yindian humour columnist. Enjoy.

English in year 2020

It is the year 2020 and call centers are opening all over the West, as the new economic power India outsources work to the countries where many jobs originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs that pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the world: URupees.

Some of them, eager to land one of the customer service jobs from India, are attending special training sessions in New York City, led by language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan.

On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching three ambitious students how to communicate with Indian customers.

Professor: 'Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need to give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you'll be known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you'll be Ranjit. And Jane, you'll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?'

Gary: 'Name as tea ?'

Professor: 'I think you mean 'namaste.' Very good. But what do you say after that?'

Gary: 'How can I help you?'

Professor: 'You're on the right track. Anyone else?'

Jane: 'How can I be helping you?'

Professor: 'Good try! You're using the correct tense, but it's not quite right. Anyone else?'

Randy: 'How I can be helping you ?'

Professor: 'Wonderful! Word order is very important. Okay, let's try some small talk. Give me a comment that would help you make a connection with your Indian customers.'

Randy: 'It's really hot, isn't it?'

Professor: 'The heat is always a good topic, but you haven't phrased it correctly. Try again.'

Randy: 'It's deadly hot, isn't it?'

Professor: 'That's better. But your tag question can be greatly improved.'

Randy: 'It's deadly hot, no?'

Professor: 'Wonderful! You can put 'no?' at the end of almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?'

Jane: 'Yes, we are understanding you, no?'

Professor (smiles): 'We may need to review this later. But let's move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians use the word 'yaar'?'

Randy: 'Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just last night, one of them said to me, 'Randy, give me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar computer.'

Professor (laughs): 'That's a different 'yaar,' yaar. The 'yaar' that I'm talking about means friend or buddy. You can use it if you've developed a camaraderie with a customer. For example, you can say, 'Come on, yaar. I am offering you the best deal.' Do you understand, Jagadamba?'

Jane: 'Yaar, I do.'

Professor (smiles): 'Okay, let's talk about accents. If your client says 'I yam wery vorried about vat I bought for my vife,' how would you respond?'

Randy: 'Please don't be vorrying, yaar. She vill be wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight.'

Professor: 'Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you haven't said anything in a while. Do you have any questions about what we've just learned?'

Gary: 'Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn't it be simpler to learn to speak Hindi?'

Source: Melvin Durai

, , , , ,
Generated By Technorati Tag Generator

Sunday, March 04, 2007

KLK Killadi

You might have seen this already. But who cares? We're not going to let something of this KLKuality escape this blogroll.
To The Guy In The Video: You have won a spezial cuppa of pirst class moru coming thaipusam from thaneer pandhal 14. Courtesy of KLKorporati.

Look at my face
And you can guess my race

You wont even see a trace
of anything yellow

an indian guy
in singapore

everytime i step out the the door
i only see yellow

and so i go to school
everyone thinks they're cool
but they were all yellow

your skin..
oh yeah your skin tone.
is not
is not beautiful

you know
you know i need a brown girl
in this yellow world..

i try to date
a girl just like them
didnt work out in the end
cos she was too yellow

i even wish
i was colorblind
then maybe it wouldve been fine
cos she was all yellow

her skin.
oh yeah her skin tone
was not
was not beautiful
you know
you know i need a brown girl
in this yellow world

its true
look how i pine for you
look how i pine for you
look how i pine

look how i pine for you
look how i pine for you
look how i pine.

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do..

ahh.. wad lyrics.. I need a brown girl in this yellow world.