Thursday, October 19, 2006

Fashion for the Dummies

Time and time again, the Indians have done it. We have constantly proven that we are unbeatable in more ways than one. Athletics, cooking, blasting each other, backstabbing, gossip, and then there is FASHION. Just in time for Deepavali too. ;)

Yeah, I mean who else would have thought that zebra skins would look fantabulous coupled with a leopard skin pants? If ever the Animals' Rights movement were to shoot a bunch of people, our KLK brothers and sisters would be the first to go. I also cannot stress on how important the cat eyed contact lenses are to this "look". Dahling, blue lenses are so last season!

So if you're gonna try to be proof that we didn't actually evolve from apes, but in real fact, leopards, zebras and cats, you've at least got to do it the true blue KLK way. And being the trashiest writer (since the only things I've written revolved around dance competitions and KLKockster boyfriends), I pride myself in presenting you with the Fashion Bible [no offence Christians] of the season.

Today we will just settle the girls' must-haves since that in itself is one hell of a list.

Lesson #1: Why wear clothes that fit you?

I mean seriously, what fun is that? Why on earth would you want your clothes to fit you, when you can opt for something that hugs you in all the wrong places and places you right next to the Incredible Hulk for Halloween? Remember, lycra is the way to go! So what if you're 20 pounds overweight and frightfully resembling a fat cow? Make sure your skirts hike up so that we can see that inch of your Rambha thighs and also ensure that all your cleavage becomes spillage. Less is more (really).

Lesson #2: Show,Show and Keeping Showing.

If you wear underwear, show it to us. Yes, even if its granny panties, we still want to see them. If you wear a bra, ensure you show us. Transparent bra straps that gnaw into your skin, coloured bra straps,even the ones that are slightly fading. Show us everything. Transparent clothes with a matching tube are excellent too. We love the fact that you'd choose to come to office on Casual Friday wearing what looks like just the inner layers of your clothes (yes,I still believe clothes SHOULD have more than one layer).

Lesson #3: Your powder should not match your skin colour.

Again! If your clothes shouldn't be fitting you, why should your powder? Always make sure its two tones whiter(we're not even talking brighter here) than your skin tone. Remember never to apply any powder on your neck so that we can see your true tone and your artificial tone as well. If you don't have powder that doesn't fit your skin, just apply 40 layers of your normal powder and you're set to go. Why? We like to be white? We like looking stupid? We like not being able to take flash photos because we end up looking like those scary photos that end up being forwarded on Hotmail with titles such as "Believe it or not!"? I really don't know!

Lesson #4: If its hanging on display, buy it.

Total KLK mentality. Hasn't anyone heard of sales tactics? They do not put it up on display because it's the nicest thing in the shop. Its probably the most goddamn expensive thing or the fugliest thing that they hope you'd get off their hands. However, if you really truly believe that you'd like to have 15 other sisters wearing that same top you bought from Expo go ahead. I mean the Bombay sisters were famous after all.

Lesson #5: Fusion is in. Logic is out.

Why bother wearing a plain Punjabi suit? Top it off with a belt. (Remember one of our "well loved" singers who once wore a black saree with a cowboy belt to the Pradhana Vizha?) . Better yet, make sure you look like you're wearing half a baju kurung, half a saree and then top it off with the China Doll hairstyle. Easy this Deeparaya. Can wear the same thing to two places and still look KLKool.

Lesson #6: Colour Coordinate. Or don't at all.

You either wear a maroon blouse, a maroon skirt, carry a maroon handbag and wear a maroon hairclip (maroon shoes are a bit harder to find) OR you wear completely contrasting colours. A yellow blouse and red pants would look awesome. Especially if you decided that this year you're going to do the traffic control at the Expo.

Lesson #7: Match your eyeshadow to your outfit.

Remember Geisha Gayathri from MV? Najip once asked her very curtly if she meant to match her pink eyeshadow with her pink saree. Its evidently become a habit. We understand if you decide you'd like to have a bit of green in your eyes, but to use a crayon and paint your eyes green just because you bought a pretty new green dress. A little much, no?

And if this doesn't help you 'nuff, just go to the Expo and people watch for 1 hour. You'd learn all you need to learn about sartorial sensations.

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