KLKrime of Violence

As if yesterday's Miss Vasantham episode was not tantalizing enough [post will be up tomorrow], we at KLKillahs were alerted to yet another incident. One closer to our hearts, and nuts.

Selven, 25, a frequent tagger and reader of Singapore Indian satire blog Keling Killahs was savagely attacked by a group of Indians last evening in the vicinity of Hougang Primary School while playing soccer.

The youth was set upon by a group of four to five Indians aged 18-25 approximately at about 7:30 pm last evening. The incident was sparked off by one of the assailants loudly asking who in the group was Selven. Upon replying in the affirmative while raising his right hand, he was then pummelled to the floor by the rest of the group. Selven's soccer buddies however, like true poseur KLKs decided to stay out of the mauling. Instead, they stood by the sidelines giving exaggerated pained expressions as Selven was dragged along the length of the field by just his hair.

After this painful episode, the inquisitive KLKillah team went to investigate. Although speaking in seemingly incoherent statements due to his knocked out front teeth, we still managed to capture some enlightening quotes from the victim.

When asked why he thought he was assaulted: "they dont like me..they know i tag on the klk site ... maybe they want to make a statement"

When asked how come no one offered their assistance even while viewing such violence: "but my mates were a sorry bunch of cowards!"

When asked about the actual details of the beating: " and next thing i know..im lying on the grounf with my face smashed in with someone's boot"

When asked about the extent of his injuries: "no other than my crushed testicles, my fractured knee, cracked ribs and broken teeth..im quite fine actually..thank you"

When asked how he was going to react to this: "one of them screamed in my face ... next time you think twice about tagging on that keling kia site you cheebye! ... I'm too afraid to go to the coppers."

When asked if he felt KLKillahs is responsible for his woes: "That ah neh fucker ... he's a useless fella dey....one of my mates tried calling him..that cheebye..he didnt answer..sms him..he replied 5 hours later...i dont think he could be arsed..the man is a joke!! if they want to whack somebody they should whack that fucker ah neh ... they could have just asked .. i would have passed them his address .. i will not rest till i see ah neh lying in a hospital bandages from head o toe..that hypocritical untrustworthy bastard!! And now after he left me to die .. he pretends as if nothing's happened!"

Urm, we thought it best to stop the interview here in view of his un-Killah like statements. However, we want to reiterate that Selven simply "asked for it" and none of us really should be held responsible for his tragedy.

Our cameraman was not available because his ex-girlfriend had took off with his Nikon SLR after he came home a tad too drunk with the wrong woman. She became his ex only last night, and we wish her all the best in finding a good price for that fine piece of equipment at Sungei Road.

To save the day, fellow KLKillah V-Man has provided close up images of the damage afflicted on the once all-knowing, non-fearing tagger named Selven. Behold, 5 stitches and a $140 medical bill:


We would like to take this opportunity to offer our deepest regrets to Selven. But, no we cannot remove the tagboard just because it has reared its ugly head onto you. Free speech is free speech and cannot be bound by limitations or swear word blockers.

Stay safe. We'll be back with our Miss V roundup of the week tomorrow.