Dr K's Klinic

Guest of Honours. They are people who are to be held in the highest of regard. They are usually, more experienced than us in the ways of the world and have reached the peak in their field or industry. They have earned our respect. This is the usual image of a guest of honour at any normal event.

But in a KLKevent? Whole new ball game.

They clap 3 mins into the speech. Trying to embarass the GOH off the stage. They shout out cat calls and such. And the guy who starts this thing is a hero among the KLKs. Why? Because 'ithu ponne cool makke'. Anyone who disrupts or with minimal effort spoils others' weeks of hard work is considered to be the epitome of coolness.

Thats KLKs for you.

And KLK back stage crews. Absolute Geniuses. Smoke - dry ice - is cool. So what do they do? They use it in abundance. So much so that that entire section of the stage is not visible. So the poor dancers who spent weeks training for that dance are hidden in the smoke for the whole time.

Why? Because smoke is 'ponna violence la joe'.

Now Dr K's Klinic has closed for the day. Make an appointment for your next neurological assessment.

smoke machine, guest of honour, keling, variety, show
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Oruvan Oruvan Muthalali

To appease the millions and millions of KLKronies who hit our page every day, we will give you a bonus song. Another Thalaivar masterpiece, but a more meaningful one. Because Kanne Kalai Maane is soo pre-90s and Surangani has run out of rhymes.

Oruvan Oruvan Muthalali

One man, One man boss. World others worker.
Believe in Fate, Fool. Who win it, Smart.

Win world why need weapon? Pluck flower why need axe?
Gold, treasure why need war? Forget wanting, world is yours.

Saiya Saiyara Saiyara Saiya
Saiya Saiyara Saiyara Saiya

Soil, man like. Man, soil like.
Soil win at the end, this mind don't realize.
Hand got little money, you are it's boss.
Until neck got money, it is your boss.

Meaning of life, understand. Life, grab and drink.

Sky yours, earth yours. Keep grudges, why fight?
Ask to live, nature. Life sadness, man-made.
Birds see me, fine? fine? they say.
Flowers slowly open, pearl, pearl, they say.
Happiness now won't go, Old age for me won't come.

One man, One man boss. World others worker.
Believe in Fate, Fool. Who win it, Smart.

rajnikanth, muthu, translation, english
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KLKEx-Boyfriends

Last Saturday the KLKillahs attended yet another "Variety" show in the KLKalendar. The KLKillahs were there. But I, was one of the inside men. And being in charge of Security has provided the AMMUNITION for this entry.

See today we learn abt KLKex-boyfriends. These aren't your usual run-of-the-mill ex-bfs. Run-of-the-mill ex-bfs come for shows, watch their ex-gf dance, maybe run their mouths a bit, talk about how she was in bed and then go off to drink somewhere.

BUT a KLKex-bf, he comes down to the school and konfronts teachers. He refuses to let the ex-gf dance in peace. He fights with her friends. Not to mention the usual habits of hitting, cursing and verbally abusing the girl as well...

What drives a KLKex- bf to do this: A Lack of understanding of the word "Breakup".

So what does he do when he's been banned from a show? He comes anyway. He sits on his friends van. Blasts Planet Galatta(cos its the latest machi) and drinks beer(cos its the cheapest mike).

Then he asks the school to reimburse his transport money.

PLUS, the ex-gf's brother, is his best mate. Be warned they both have the combined IQ of a hedgehog.

Now if u were a girl's brother, and her ex-bf was being a prick, what would YOU do?
In the words of Russell Peters: "Do the right thing".

This KLKex-bf's best mate a.k.a girl's brother, made history by lambasting the sister for putting the KLKex-bf in this state, lectured her about how he is a Kasanova and has the right to fuck all the girls he wants, and how she is a bambified bimbo who must obey her KLKex-bf's every heed and call.

So we now move on to another version of a KLKex-bf. 80% same la ah. But this one is the depressed version. Stalks the ex-gf. Threatens her with a diary of their relationship. Acts like a big mo-fo, punchin walls and staring down guys literally twice his size. Plus, he overdoses on his ciggies to reduce his already half-pint, beer bottle shaped body into nothing more than a pile of wet leaves.

I could mention some more. But why?
I'm sad to admit, there is probably no chance of redemption for these boys. However i'm glad to admit that these KLKex-boyfriends only exist cos of some really brain dead girls. You, yes YOU, can avoid this disease by simple discretion.

Lay with the dogs, expect the fleas.

variety show, keling, ex-boyfriend
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Whale Vs. Vel

This is a WHALE.

This is a VEL.

Get it? You Klongkang smelling, Kologne wearing, Kallous mofos? One more time, we hear "What is the mammal of the sea called" coupled with Dear Mr. Thandayuthapani, we is going Stone Cold on your ass.

whale, vel, keling, mammal
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KLK visits Thaipusam

It was chaos, KLKhaos to be precise. Thaipusam made the Little India - Farrer Park area on a Sunday look like a walk in the park. It was a sea of black ( the clothes you racist moron, the clothes) and there was hardly any breathing space. But boy was it worth it.

Like any normal KLKillah would have, i started off on this Klengdestine fact finding mission early. I reached the start off point at about 3 am and to be honest, I was slightly dismayed. The normal indians were there, but the majority of the KLKs were missing. (It was Thaipusam damn it, they were supposed to be out in full force.) Disappointed, I was about to walk out of the temple praying (the irony) that maybe the majority had just stepped out for a KLKopi break when it happened.

It was soft at first, but it got louder and louder until it came into focus. In the distance, coming in at speed towards the temple entrance was a white lorry (standard KLK transport for thaipusam) that was probably housing one section of the ever popular KLK drum symphony (think urumees and bongos (sp)) and of course the token small kavadi ( can't forget that one now can they). This was the call to arms that was needed and soon their numbers grew. One by one they entered, sharp comb and all, proceeding to their various areas within the temple and creating bedlam. It was "Ponna happening la machi".

So I picked one kavadi to follow out to Tank Road and ,contrary to popular belief, it was a tough choice to make mind you. In the end it was between the pink pompoms, the abstract metalpiece and the all time KLK favourite, the featherduster. I decided to go old school and followed the feather duster, from a safe distance of course. It had everything from a mangamma wardrobe malfunction( think something black coming out of something black), to a short stop at 7-11 to get some, ahem, drinks ( water point not open la machi) and of course the joyous sight of watching a 3 tiered Kavadi uniting the KLKongregation behind it with the femme fatales singing surangani (mangamma remix) and the male KLKs busting a groove with the kavadi carrier. Pure magic.

I repeated the process a few times but none were as magical as the first unfortunately, though i did manage to have a friend get a few shots of the occasion ( Dreadlocked KLK = priceless) which hopefully will be uploaded soon. Pardon the relatively abrupt end to this post, gotta run now, will try and give a blow by blow analysis if and when i get the pics up. Ciao.

ps: Chicago is a city and not a dance move, machi. And Klengstafarian, if we catch your dreadlocked behind on friendster, we're profiling you. You have been warned.

thaipusam, singapore, kavadi, urumee, bongo, keling, chicago
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Preview

A preview for the bloodbath that follows.

Credit to Na-Gling-Kia for the immaculate handphone vid.

thaipusam, singapore, preview, kavadi
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Lost in Translation

What happens when you offer minimal translation to one of the Super Hits of a KLK's audio galaxy?

I am autofellow autofellow
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only

Disclaimer:

If you intend to cut and past this and mass email like the KLK u are, and we find out. Trust me you will be KLKilled. Comprende? Machi?

Just provide the permalink to this post. Don't be a KLKopycat.

english, translation, rajnikanth, autokaran, baasha
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KLK Profile #1

The very 1st instalment of a KLK profile hijacked from the very "FRIENDly" service. Presenting, urmz, now where did I put that name. Ah, APACHE. Yes, my friends all the way from the Mayan Ruins, the ruin does follow through his hair too [Always very cultural, our KLKs].

Our Kleng digger's accessories are proudly purchased from Far East, Hair cut from Sri Dewa, shades were stolen when his best buddy was drunk. And of course the ear ring, on one ear. KLKs do follow trends that are extinct for 5 years because they CAN and they WILL.

He says:
My fav movies are : Ladder 49, Matrix the series, Bourne supremacy and mani mani more
About me: Well wat can I say realli a difficult question...juz get 2 noe muai and then you can ans this question for yaself ya...alritez
Who I want to meet: --GOD---and myself 2 years down the road...no la anione who got a beautiful heart would do.

*The editors have bolded all words that DID not pass our spell checker, thesaurus and "KLK for dummies" glossary.*
It is also important to note that said KLK is in fact a polytechnic student and HAS passed his 'O' Levels English.

Ah, the suspense mounts. Who is this mystery man? What is his sweet allure?
Fret not. It's time to be KL-Killed.

Notice how this KLK is in fact aware that his left side is the acne free [almost] side and adheres to his stylist [Mariamma of Dunlop St] strictly. And the pose too, the I'm-looking-at-my-right shoe-cos it's PAKALOLO dammit extreme fashionista pose.

Also, his impeccable taste of sitting at his computer with shades on does indicate some early contrast issues. Get ya eyes checked boy!

Alas, not an extreme KLK profile for you today due to lack of hand signs and sneers and a big ass moustache. But we'll do better. Never a day too short to shame someone.

profile, friendster, sri dewa, fashion
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KLKlub Experience

Ah the wondrous names that KLKlubs seem to have nowadays. The one we hit yesterday in conjunction with a good friends 21st was the aptly named Blackjack. Innovative entry basis here though, you get to play Blackjack with the doorhand( surprise surprise). If you get 21 (ie an Ace and any of a King, Queen or Jack for the uninitiated), you get one free drink, if you get anything else thats above a 15 you get that number as a percentage off the amount you pay for a jug of whatever. Sounds complicated? Well it shouldn't be moron, its a KLKlub for crying out loud.

So what does one do at a comparatively gargantuan club, which was about as alive as, nevermind. We play pool and admire the posters on the walls of course. Interestingly enough, ladies night is referred to aptly as Queens Night at good ol Blackjack. Take a look at the women who were on the dancefloor prior to the arrival of the party crew and it would all have made some sort of morbid sense. Queen Latifah, take a hike. The Minah bartender had a kickarse way of getting up though, be it from removing the empty jugs on the table or just getting up onto the bar.

How can one mention a KLKlub experience without even talking about the music. The same set of songs repeated over a course of 3 hours. Joy. Music, the language of the soul? Try telling the dj that. I lost count of the number of times a select few songs got replayed. Kudos to the dj though, he managed to pull one song that i never expected out of the hat. That KLKult Hymn, 'Kokkorokoro', don't mind the spelling or lackthereof, by the now hopefully defunct band 'Lock-up'. Pity there wasn't a fight at the end to round off what would have been a truly remarkable night out with the KLKommunity.

Gotta run now, pardon the perceived lack of KLKulling on this post, I honestly intended to get on with some heavy duty Killing, but the entire KLKult Hymn thing, got me a tad bit emotional and in touch with the roots. "Pheelings la machi". Ciao.



ps: Who the hell was i trying to kid? I'll get your keling ass sooner or later, machi.

keling, cult, blackjack, club, lock up
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