To say i have never been an active participant on here would be a gross understatement comparable to the nazis admitting to massacring a couple of jews. I have never contributed anything to this site other than constantly winding up and mocking “the puerile” and “the fuck headed” on the tag board (damn I love the greatest internet tool ever conceived).This contribution of mine is one that was born out of necessity rather than any gregariousness on my part to share my thoughts. There is just no end to my snobbery.
So having just read the latest post on the “relative merits” of the Zee tv, I said to my handsome self in true pretentiously deviant intellectual fashion, ‘Enough is enough. Someone needs to stand up for these “minority” tv channels, even if I don’t necessarily give a fuck’. Ok, I was exaggerating. But the constant ‘slagging off’, especially the of much maligned Sun tv, has cajoled my “underdog championing tendencies” to the fore.
Anyways, in preparation for this little post, I had to do a little research. You see, there are couple of individuals I have to live with known as my parents who swear by Sun tv. Needless to say, I don’t. The only thing I watch on tv is football. Other than, I’m usually locked away in my room defending child pornography on forums for paedophiles anonymous. My parents on the other hand, spend days and nights watching seemingly endless number of Sun tv drama serials that seem to make their way to our tv sets. So well, I am not too familiar with the names of most of these drama serials. To rectify my ignorance, I paid a visit to mommy dearest who to my surprise was toiling away in the kitchen earlier than usual. The woman is usually quite the slacker. The conversation went something like this.
Me: darlin,…I mean ma, could you roll off the names of the Sun tv serials you watch everyday?
Slacker Mom: err…I can’t really remember lah. I just watch them. mommy getting old lah! *you aren’t GETTING old woman, you ARE old*
Me: hey, try and remember! You’ve been watching Sun tv for years now, and you don’t recall the name of a single serial you watch.
Slacker Mom: Why do you care what I watch? Why are you asking me for all of a sudden?!
I glared at her.
Slacker mom: err…ok lah…in the mornings*she means the1100-1330 slot* there i ‘Akalya’… err the rest I can’t remember! In the evenings,*she means the 6pm -1030 slot* there is ‘My dear Boodham’ and err…then err I can’t recall lah!*woman, how am I supposed to defend Sun tv, when the likes of you undermine my attempts by serving as ammunition to be used by the critics and the naysayers*
I walked away feeling amused by the ludicrousness of it all, and as well a little disheartened by the thankless task at hand. Mommy dearest gave her customary bemused look, shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly, and went back to pretending to cook.
Ok..., so my parents, or at least mommy dearest has little or no clue to what she spends hours watching. Going by what she had said, apart from Akalya and My dear Boodham, she probably can’t tell most serials apart. I imagine one could slip in a random episode of Seinfeld into of those time slots, and she would still probably just continue watching anyway without flinching or eliciting any kind of response.
Is this evidence of a person being mindlessly transfixed to an object of desire, a side effect of watching entire serials with stories recycled from hundred others and packed with characters that resemble a thousand others, that one could just sit there for hours with the brain switched off, but maintaining and perhaps heightening one’s craving for some Sun tv time?
Could it be that the cliches that infect our prime time Sun tv serials have infected the mind of mommy dearest rendering her thoughtless and incapacitating her ability to reason the need to watch the same serial over and over again, repackaged and shoved in our faces with different theme songs and titles?
Should I fear for the ugly 8 month old who poses as my nephew, whom mommy dearest can’t stop raving about, because apparently her influence has rubbed off on him, and the daft lad who’s now a full fletched fan of Akalya and can’t seem to keep his eyes off it while its on?
Could this possibly mean that my objective of defending Sun tv from the brickbats that have been thrown in its way has just been dealt a fatal blow and has made me consider bailing out from the sinking ship with my tail between my legs while its still intact?
Perhaps, But no, I am too much of an egomaniac to admit defeat. So what I will do instead is try to clutch on straws here and go for broke. The problem isn’t with Sun tv. It never was. There are plenty of mediocre or worse channels available…Mtv for one. Yes, as stupendous as it may sound, I would much rather be seen watching Sun tv than be caught dead watching Mtv. Yes, I did say I don’t watch much tv other than football…well not exactly. From time to time, when I’m not frequenting forums for paedophiles anonymous, i do occasionally watch other programs on tv. The drama serials on Sun tv may be dull, unimaginative, witless conceptions which possess little to no redeeming qualities. I won’t attempt to defend them especially since I’ve already spent an unhealthy number of paragraphs condemning them. But they do show some quality movies from time to time.
A few days ago, I got back earlier than usual and they had Sirai chalai on. Ok, not exactly a classic. But still better than most of the drivel the tamil film industry comes out with. It had been years since I last viewed that film, so I sat down to watch it. Ok so well I wasn’t watching one of those much ridiculed Sun tv serials, but I was still watching Sun tv nonetheless, and I can’t run away from that. And I’m quite certain, a lot of us do too even if we won’t admit to it. It’s ok laddies, there is nothing to ashamed of.
Now I shall tackle the issue with regards to adults who can’t seem to free themselves from the “grip” of THE Sun tv. The problem ladies isn’t with the “product”. The problem lies with the “consumer”. There is a thin line which separates a “user” from an “addict”. Once an individual becomes dependant on something and finds his or her life revolving around it, the said individual crosses the line of being a “user” to an “addict. The same theory applies to smoking addiction, alcoholism and drug addiction. Not all who smoke cigarettes are addicted to it, though sadly most are. The use of drugs though not common here is rampant in certain countries. Then again, not all who “consume” drugs are addicts.
My stand is, one can choose to be a user, and not crossover to the “other side” becoming entangled in the web of addiction. If its possible with that pack Marlboro menthol, if its possible with line of coke, if its possible with that bottle of Black cat*MEOW*…then its sure as hell possible with Sun tv. So I humbly beseech you to be less harsh on “the product” and to focus your attention on the “consumers” who in this context happen to be parents, uncles, aunties and grandparents. There are still existing individuals who appreciate what Sun tv has to offer, and have not succumbed to “mindless addiction”.
I wouldn’t categorize the individuals known as my parents as “addicts”. Well they may spend a lot of their time watching dreadful programs on Sun tv, but that’s not theonly channel they watch. At least that applies to my dad who watches discovery channel, National geographic and even wrestling (arghhh!). During the world cup, he chose on his own accord to watch the games (and he’s not even a football fan) instead of the usual serials that occupy that particular time slot. Mommy dearest doesn’t watch these other channels, but that is because she only watches tamil programs. And though she is a slacker, she doesn’t neglect her duties at home and at my brother’s when she is babysitting. And my parents aren’t obsessed enough either to deny my weekly dose of English football. I simply have to walk to the living room, tell them I’m watching football, switch off the tv, roll down the screen, turn on the projector and switch the channel to 22, 23 or 24. The whole process takes place smoothly without any hassle and need to for it to turn into an ugly situation.
So to those bemoaning the “effect” Sun tv has on the older folk at home, I say stop whining you fuckin cunts. If your folks lack the self control and display an obscene level of enslavement, then you ought to rectify the situation. If you need to get extreme with your methods, then so fuckin be it. Just before their usual schedule to watch their favourite serials (which is probably all of them)begins, get a club, knock them out cold, drag them to their rooms and tie them down to their beds. It is of utmost importance that you only release them from their binds when the serials have ended. I can’t emphasize that anymore. If they regain consciousness, they are likely to start screaming their heads off in expression of terror and frustration of being unable to satisfy their overwhelming urge. If the sounds emanating becomes unbearable and you feel the need to silence them, you could either stuff a ball of cloth in their mouth and tape it up, or use that club and knock them out cold again. I recommend the latter; it’s far more effective and reliable.
The first few weeks will be the most difficult period, especially when the withdrawal symptoms kick in. The most common symptoms are profuse sweating, tearing, shivering, gasping for breath (though that could be a result of their nasal cavities being blocked from flu and they can’t breathe through their mouths because of the ball of cloth stuffed in there) and a look of “lifelessness” about them akin to George E Romero’s zombies.
After awhile, there is little need for you to club them on the head or to gag them, once you have reached an understanding that they will be tied up without them putting up a struggle. But one must be warned not to be conned by the older folk. They can be wily creatures these old bastards, especially in times of desperation. One cannot let sentiments get in the way and fall prey to emotional blackmail. If they insist that they are “cured”, or that they can be allowed to roam free without the need to be to tied down, do not take their word for it. It is more than likely that they are lying, and at first opportunity would knock you out and have you tied down instead while they proceed to watch their favourite serials.
So always remember and stick to the age old adage of “being safe rather than sorry”. The entire rehabilitation process should take somewhere between 6 to 12 months. In worse case scenarios, it could possibly take up to a couple of years. This of course defers from one individual to another depending on the level of addiction, as well as level of resistance to the treatment.
And with that, I end my first and what could possibly be my last contribution with my trademark laughter… Haw! Haw! Haw!
sun tv, zee tv
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