Keling Killahs: Miss Vasantham

Here it is the Sept 10th edition. The 3rd elimination. As of today, there will be 6 girls out of the running. Hearts will break. Smiles will break out. I'm glad I was awake enough to catch this today. Imagine the effort. Not going out for a Saturday drinking binge just so I'd be alert enough to catch the ruckus personally.

Let's start with the individual, I-ask-You-answer segment. Were we really expecting anything different from any of the girls or any of the judges. Still, it was with excitement that we hoped someone would make us go "Wow, why didn't you show this intellect earlier?".

The Q n As

Jamuna - Najip said "you look heavy when u walk, feel light, you're stomping". As far as I can recall, the one animal that effectively stomps is the elephant. She went, "I'd like to answer the question that I so embarassed myself with last time around", and babbled the same old bullshit that literally ran a shock and awe campaign through my left brain. Is Najip really expecting some heavenly nymph, flying fairy like, light as air, swift as wind through the "vast" expanse of a stage they have there? What was with the answer though? What the fuck does your smile have to do with your hair, AGAIN? Unless you got reverse reflectors there that flash some Darlie-polished white light onto that coiffure of yours.

Prasanna - When a man like Elamaran is begging for some self praise, just give it to him straight. Say, "Yes, I think you're qualified to be a judge cos you have the biggest dick in the auditorium, now when are you gonna stop behaving like the pageant is for you and not for me?". Rafi's syndrome rubbed off on him already. Torturous, these aimless questions of his. Thank god she survived. It would be a pity going out on virtue of some judge's ego issues.

R.Anita - The owner of the orisinal "native speaker" British Queen's English, exactly the kind that our gahmen is looking for. I don't get how Sunita terms relationships in her circles though. There are friends, there are boyfriends and there are also special boyfriends. Ah, so that's the terminology once you hit 25. Did it hit you people, that everyone was merely investigating singlehood and marital status today? With all the girls? Wot about the kudumba kuthuvilakkus who can't admit to having one, cos then their rich doktor mapillai from Paalakaadu won't want to come ask for their hand?

Fazilla - Call it personal preference. But she was the hot one, like ever! Wot a skirt! Saw the layered ruffles on that one? Brought me back to my youthful Jap school girl in a tennis skirt fantasies. Najip said "Feel tall." Why is this fella soo much about pheelings today? Could someone get Rafi to feel ugly? No right. Some things just dont change. You forget, it's a beauty pageant not a height pageant. If her height can cut it to be an SQ Girl (and I'm sure she's more than 165), it's good enough for us. After heels what else do you want the kid to do man? Platform heels? Reebok Pump-It-Up sneakers?

Ghayathri - She looked like one of those geishas who lost her way. Post-colonial disorder. Like someone went back to 1945 and plucked her outa there. Lost. Permanently with the "I'm lost and I need my mummy, Uncle can you help me?" expression. I don't know bout you blokes but I personally find it very rude when ppl talk to u in Tamil and you don't respond in it. Understood, you might be one of those who understand Tamil but are not fluent in it. Yet, let us know you wanna answer the rest of your questions in English (your native tongue I presume) and not just spew English for Tamil. Looks like a bad case of "Lost in Translation". If I was a judge, I'd have thrown her off the stage just for the fuckin fun of it. And also because we've watched Memoirs of a Geisha before and the movie sucked.

Priya - Her strength is obviously answering questions. She came up with a good answer too. It's nice to see the girls who have no visible nervousness or fear when it comes to answering out of this world twillight-zone questions posed by the not so out of this world judges.

Sathya - Mother-Daughter challenge? Savaaaaaaaal readyah? . Fear factor should have been a better reality show to challenge over. She did do good on this one though. Even with 2 judges attempting to trip her up over a seemingly honest answer. Versatile. Same answer, 2 different ways, 2 different judges.

Kasthuri - She is the epitome of "love me or hate me, you can't ignore me". The days of unedited English over, I think she carried herself with good poise and elegance today. The hair was nicely curled and the outfit was complementary. Overall a good package to definitely make it to the latter rounds. Why did Maran take off his jacket? Why is Najip obsessed with height? Why will they not let a proper answer to a proper question go unpunished? As I repeat my stance again, this pageant is looking to be more showcasey for the judges than the contestants themselves. Quit the ego trip, it's irritating.

Bharathi - I personally like the earrings. She like many of the girls, have literally bloomed. I think in a way we've formed our first impressions through the audition photos and they have stuck. English is still an issue though, her classic "I've been gone through" should have made me go "Gone through with what? a spear? a pole? what?". The quintessential ah lian still popped out with her "motherrr"and other colloquialisms. Again, not being happy with a satisfactory answer, the self professed clown aka Maran manages to attempt to Englify kudumba kuthuvilakku. When will this stop I ask myself.

Indira - No boyfriend! That's a relief. It's fast becoming Miss Vasantham Matchmaking Pageant. Is Rafi wanting an inroad into Indira? Tempting her to leave her bfren for better? Good solid answer though! Always leave for better pastures. At least she knows how the game is played. Maran got jealous later and he wanted to get with the program too. How do the producers let this Rafi blatantly flirt with his lecherous eyes on national TV?

Interview by GT Mani [last seen on Ethiroli]:

First things first. This man should not be allowed to grace our television screens with THAT much hair. Implants aside. It sure looked like a waxed up toupee. What is going on with these mid-life crises folks anyhow. And do Vasantham really groom their personnel? Anyone who's anyone knows that presenters and hosts are the two main people who gotta get their styling right. Shamen obviously pointed at the wrong picture when he walked into Sri Dewa in the morning. So he got his hair dead drunk and "plastered" while Mani got his hair all up on its ends, the previously balding Mani that is.

This whole interview thing is a sham. No one wanted to show the other girls. Obviously the producers and cameramen were in love with Fazila. Too much in love. Remember the shot where it was panning up her thighs? And the whole, the "world is coming to an end". Still, taking things out of context is a television favourite. But hell, at least it got us more airtime to view this girl. *Swoon*

Why did Sathya want a Bush? This is the million dollar question. I guess her type of man is the "cute", C average, doofus who fools around with Tomahawks and Cruiser missiles just cos it "might be fun" and you "might" find weapons of mass destruction. Kasthuri wanted to see him too, yet we never knew why. To be continued next week, I figure.

Indira wanted to meet Indira Gandhi. How entertaining.

Priya still feels that Singapore is like the United States of America where an invitation to the White House is like a godsent gift. Babe, email me, I'll send you the list of when there is an open house at the Istana. Or go to East Coast and wait for the man to walk his dog. Or, go to some event where he is the GOH. This is Singapore man. Don't behave like a villager on national TV. People will think you don't know your Katong from your Kansas from your Kota Kinabalu.

R. Anita recounted how boys don't court her but SHE is courting some ppl. Don't we all like an honest girl, who makes the first move?

Ok, who dat who blabbered about a whole "leap of year" to go for dating men? She obviously sets off down that jagged road, once in 4 years, only to recount the sad experience on National TV. I sense a spinoff series riding off this girl.

Bharathi saw the chance to get back at her ex and she did it with style. With 20,000 eyes watching. Yet, it was embarassing. You want to be a beauty queen remember. They go "watever! [flip wrists]". Not, I hate you, you SOB and now I wanna show you how I've moved on. Don't call me! Ever!

So, in the finale of this segment. Indira won immunity. Not a person who'd need it, but good also. See when someone who you know is going far gets immunity, it just about confirms that someone who deserves to get out will. A higher chance if you will. Yet, this immunity, Survivor bullshit is much more pissing off than the entire Singapore Idol-ish setup they have going on here. Sekali got Wildcard all. I sure laugh.

The Results

It was during the results time that I noticed that this Prasanna is also one of the bloomers if you will. Suddenly, scanning all the faces out there, something tugged like, nah, we'll give you a chance. Show us what you got the next time, and make it better. But of course, there were the 2 that we really wanted out. You know the ones who speak and it's like scratching nails on a blackboard. Aaaargh! Get them off the telly!

However, as apt as "The Gods must be crazy", the tides turned. Sathya got out and so did Priya. Sathya didn't deserve it though, in my opinion. Of course, she would have been out later, cos this group has some pretty strong girls, but not now, and not with OTHER people who deserved the boot more than her. Priya, expected it we all, I guess. There is fundamentally nothing wrong with her. Yet, she doesn't hit you as a beauty queen. More like the class monitress who's so nice and sweet and carries the teacher's books after every lessons kinda girl.

I like this confidence in Kasthuri. Many many. She knew deep in her, she was standing at the wrong group. I mean come on, could the other one be wrong? There was Faz, there was Anita, the only "wrong" soul was Geisha Ghayathri. And yet this chick goes, "I'm in the right group." I can't recall who was the Jalra who went "I'm in the right team" after that. A case of mistaken reality program perhaps. Everyone woman for herself douchebag. Now I recall, it was JAMUNA!

One good thing outa this episode was that Najip finally revealed what they're looking for in the soon to be crowned Miss V. Someone who can crossover all channels, do Tamil and English and even in the other stations and elements that Mediacorp encompasses. This is the first time they've really said what they're lookin for. A bit late don't you think? When you've turned off the audience for the past 3 weeks already.

Now the rant. Jamuna is not meant to be there. And I sincerely hope for the good of mankind that the next two to leave are her and Geisha Ghayathri. For those who don't know, Jamuna is also a previous pageant winner, Miss Tampines to be accurate. Just like some of the other contestants, she has had a bit of experience in running in a pageant. But this is just too much! Elamaran is obviously running a huge scam here by even contemplating and later endorsing that her answer to her "my smile makes my hair look lustrous" answer was valid and should be awarded it's own Wikipedia entry.

FUCK FUCK FUCK. HOW CAN SHE STAY IN!!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK. HOW CAN SHAMEN SIGN OFF WITH RYAN SEACREST'S SIGNATURE "OUT?".

We hate KLKopykats.