Ms Vasantham - The Inggerish Inquisition

So it appears alot has happened since I posted last and I do hope that you, the reader ,would accept my apologies for the unusually long hiatus. Moving on to the matter at hand, I have to admit that I haven't exactly watched an episode of Ms Vasantham yet but at the prodding of my co-editor, I decided to go to the Ms Vasantham Sub page to see what exactly the brouhaha (read: excitement to some of the airheads from the pageant who read this blog) was. Boy did it get my gears grinding.

If theres one thing that pisses me off more than a KLK, it has to be a KLK who can't articulate to save her life(this is where respect goes out where its due, the male KLK never talks, instead, when needed, it uses simple words to fling its point across, mainly Karlsberg, Heineken and when Tamil is badly needed, the KLKalyani label comes out). Some of the answers that these supposedly fine specimen give out for their Q&A sessions are simply mindblowing. Seeing as time and space are a constraint, i'm simply going to be picking a few of these kreatures for kulling. I was surprisingly not spoilt for choice mind you, there wasn't one who had atrocious grammar from start to front. Apparently there is hope yet, grammar-wise of course.

Having said that however, it wasn't as if the errors in English were few and far between, I unearthed a few gems. Taking a certain Barathi for example, "Taking part in beauty pageants has always be my dreams . So by joining Miss Vasantham , I'm giving my dreams a life and making them exist in reality". Need I say more? I would need subtitles if I had to watch her speak.

Next up we have Fajariah with her "I wouldn’t exaggerate myself by taking off my slippers n aim it at those wolves because that may rise their anger up to an extent whereby revenge will take place." I lost her after the fourth word, anyone with a translation? It looks like English but i'm not entirely sure.

Not to be outdone, there's also a Jayanthi who unleashed 2 humdingers. "I’m sure the to be ‘Miss Vasantham’ would be a fine exemplary to all the Indian women out there apart from just being an ambassador of the Indian community" and a personal favorite "As put concisely by Sir Albert Einstein,” the only source of knowledge is experience’". 2 things, if you're going to use a big word, use it right and if you is going to quote someone, get his title right. Last I checked Jayanthi, you weren't even the resident Keling Kween, you can't go around awarding posthumous knighthoods.

But the one that takes the cake (and eats it) has to be Kalaivani Samantha. "Everything I taste has to be spicy. (only food)". Priceless.

I would have loved to have picked more for dissection but alas the material from the website didn't give me much information to work with. Having said that, we're just waiting for you Ms Vasantham wannabes to slip. Rest assured, we'll kull you as you fall.

Ps: Pardon the lack of kwality kulling, i've got a lot of ringrust to shake off before hitting the high standards set before. Ciao.

KLK visits Thaipusam

It was chaos, KLKhaos to be precise. Thaipusam made the Little India - Farrer Park area on a Sunday look like a walk in the park. It was a sea of black ( the clothes you racist moron, the clothes) and there was hardly any breathing space. But boy was it worth it.

Like any normal KLKillah would have, i started off on this Klengdestine fact finding mission early. I reached the start off point at about 3 am and to be honest, I was slightly dismayed. The normal indians were there, but the majority of the KLKs were missing. (It was Thaipusam damn it, they were supposed to be out in full force.) Disappointed, I was about to walk out of the temple praying (the irony) that maybe the majority had just stepped out for a KLKopi break when it happened.

It was soft at first, but it got louder and louder until it came into focus. In the distance, coming in at speed towards the temple entrance was a white lorry (standard KLK transport for thaipusam) that was probably housing one section of the ever popular KLK drum symphony (think urumees and bongos (sp)) and of course the token small kavadi ( can't forget that one now can they). This was the call to arms that was needed and soon their numbers grew. One by one they entered, sharp comb and all, proceeding to their various areas within the temple and creating bedlam. It was "Ponna happening la machi".

So I picked one kavadi to follow out to Tank Road and ,contrary to popular belief, it was a tough choice to make mind you. In the end it was between the pink pompoms, the abstract metalpiece and the all time KLK favourite, the featherduster. I decided to go old school and followed the feather duster, from a safe distance of course. It had everything from a mangamma wardrobe malfunction( think something black coming out of something black), to a short stop at 7-11 to get some, ahem, drinks ( water point not open la machi) and of course the joyous sight of watching a 3 tiered Kavadi uniting the KLKongregation behind it with the femme fatales singing surangani (mangamma remix) and the male KLKs busting a groove with the kavadi carrier. Pure magic.

I repeated the process a few times but none were as magical as the first unfortunately, though i did manage to have a friend get a few shots of the occasion ( Dreadlocked KLK = priceless) which hopefully will be uploaded soon. Pardon the relatively abrupt end to this post, gotta run now, will try and give a blow by blow analysis if and when i get the pics up. Ciao.

ps: Chicago is a city and not a dance move, machi. And Klengstafarian, if we catch your dreadlocked behind on friendster, we're profiling you. You have been warned.

thaipusam, singapore, kavadi, urumee, bongo, keling, chicago
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KLKlub Experience

Ah the wondrous names that KLKlubs seem to have nowadays. The one we hit yesterday in conjunction with a good friends 21st was the aptly named Blackjack. Innovative entry basis here though, you get to play Blackjack with the doorhand( surprise surprise). If you get 21 (ie an Ace and any of a King, Queen or Jack for the uninitiated), you get one free drink, if you get anything else thats above a 15 you get that number as a percentage off the amount you pay for a jug of whatever. Sounds complicated? Well it shouldn't be moron, its a KLKlub for crying out loud.

So what does one do at a comparatively gargantuan club, which was about as alive as, nevermind. We play pool and admire the posters on the walls of course. Interestingly enough, ladies night is referred to aptly as Queens Night at good ol Blackjack. Take a look at the women who were on the dancefloor prior to the arrival of the party crew and it would all have made some sort of morbid sense. Queen Latifah, take a hike. The Minah bartender had a kickarse way of getting up though, be it from removing the empty jugs on the table or just getting up onto the bar.

How can one mention a KLKlub experience without even talking about the music. The same set of songs repeated over a course of 3 hours. Joy. Music, the language of the soul? Try telling the dj that. I lost count of the number of times a select few songs got replayed. Kudos to the dj though, he managed to pull one song that i never expected out of the hat. That KLKult Hymn, 'Kokkorokoro', don't mind the spelling or lackthereof, by the now hopefully defunct band 'Lock-up'. Pity there wasn't a fight at the end to round off what would have been a truly remarkable night out with the KLKommunity.

Gotta run now, pardon the perceived lack of KLKulling on this post, I honestly intended to get on with some heavy duty Killing, but the entire KLKult Hymn thing, got me a tad bit emotional and in touch with the roots. "Pheelings la machi". Ciao.



ps: Who the hell was i trying to kid? I'll get your keling ass sooner or later, machi.

keling, cult, blackjack, club, lock up
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KLKillahs Begin

And so it came to pass.


The culmination of a dream, to rid the world of all the anjacks plaguing our not so fair populace. Now that i've satisfied the intellectuals who actually trawl the web looking for blogs in between the long loading times for Jenna's XXX, its time to get to the nitty gritty.

Now raise your hands all you normal illaiyaraja loving ghee guzzlers, how many times have you looked away embarrassed because of that one KNNKLK who decides to drink a whee bit too much and starts doing his own little hippity hop (read: chicago jango) on the pavement whilst spewing Momma's famous mutton korma at pretty much everything that moves. Or at that KLK who decides to have the infamous KLKult Klassic 'O podu' as his ringtone. And we can't forget my personal favourite, the embodiment of the modern KNNKLK. Earring, nosestud, sharp tipped comb, gold hair ( You dickwart, GOLD and BLACK do not mix) and of course the "Look ma, i've got a spork stuck up my arse" side to side walk.

Well you KLKs, bad news. We ( N, S and A, not to be confused with the NSA) are out for blood. We will trawl the likes of friendster sourcing for potential KLK targets to be ripped into. "Machi ponna jack la" to put it in more comprehensible terms for you. Klengstantine and his motley crew are here, you have been warned.


ps: if the above abbrievations make no sense whatsoever, kill yourself or sign on with the army.
The former is painless.

indian, keling, killah
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