Keling Killahs: Miss Vasantham

Now, we at KLKillahs wanna make it easy on you guys. Especially those hunting for a beauty queen girlfriend. Well, if this were an international pageant you'd have no chance in Lucifer's Hell, but it's Singapore after all.

Who knows? You could catch the ladies vulnerable in between their 3rd and 4th idlis at Komala Vilas.

So, first, we dissect them by their age. You can thank us later. Wait for the surprise at the end.

25
Natasha

24
Jamuna
DeviPriya

23
Radhika

Babies born in 1984 are not represented due to their Hepatitis B vaccinations expiring soon. Damn, those little blue Health Booklets.

21
S.Anita
Kasturi
G.Priya
R.Anita
Saraswathy

*End of R21 Section*

20
Barathi
Fajariah
Fazila
Sasi Kala
Jayanthi
Sathya
Yuvaneswari

19
Nishalini
Ghayathri

18
Prasanna

If you think even listing your age down is quite a simple procedure on application forms. And you didn't already know that most webpage updaters just dump in their data wholesale without attempting to make you look good, then you shouldn't be doing this:

Kalaivani: 20+
Revathi: 20+
Sonia: 19+

Ok, I get it. We "plus" something. But what? Just write the damn number already. Why are you making us do mental sums!

You wanna see a superhero? This is why you shouldn't be anal retentive when filling in forms, no matter how accurate the disclaimer asks you to be. You know that portion where you finally sign: "Everything I say above is as true as can be and if it aint you can flog me with the hooves of a dozen camels or disqualify me whichever is more appropriate". The winner?

Durga Devi: 18 yrs 8 mths

You think we're done? Nyet. Listed in their biodata after how old they are is the necessary yet unnecessary occupation column. I mean if I was a masseuse I wouldn't really be writing that down would I?

I'd go for something subtle like Holistic Therapy Specialist. The guy who pushes the lift buttons at the Hilton sure can pass off as a "Multi Level Systems Engineer".

Subtracting the all too common, "Student" as an occupation, we're left with the real career women. The ones who contribute to the GDP. Alas, some just didn't know how to describe it.

Barathi: Full–Time Student /PT Tutor /PT Customer Service

[We get it already, you just have too much time on your hands. If you could spell full time you should have been consistent with the part-time. All together loudly now, P-A-R-T-hyphen-T-I-M-E.]

Jamuna: Advertiser

[This could be my bad. But isn't an advertiser someone who places ads. Lemme get this straight, what you do in your full-salaried, health benefit accruing job is just to place advertisements? You have ST, BH, BT, TM, TNP, CNA, MediaCorp on your FastDial? Damn. You have the perfect inside track to win this thing already. We should run a background check on this one, she might be related to one of the sponsors.]

Prasana: CSA (Customer Service Agent)

[Ok. You have mastered abbreviations. Just a thought, if you knew no one would understand CSA in the first place, you should have just gone with the expanded version. Or is this the more "professional", "atas" way of listing your occupation?]

Revathi: Waiting to pursue further studies

[Since when was waiting an occupation? If that was the case, I need to amend my tax forms already. I actually WAS gainfully employed the past 4 years I've been bumming and waiting for money to fall from the sky]

Devi Priya: Undergraduate in SIM

[It's not enough these days to just fill up "Student". You had best fill in the prestigious institution you're gonna get matriculated in lest someone beat you with a "Postgraduate from Harvard" in their form]

And sometimes, it just pays to be truthful. I present, the winner of this challenge.

Sonia: NIL