Keling Killahs

Finale

2007-04-04T17:26:00.000+08:00

KLKillahs will be continued at our new URL: http://klkillahs.blogspot.com

The new chapter effective April 1st will denote a new focus, a new drive and new ideals in store for the management and readers of KLKillahs.

Do remember to edit all your button links to the new URL. If you don't know how to do so, ask a friend. We hope you have at least one who is computer savvy. Don't forget your blog rolls and your bookmarks.

The archives will still be here for your perusal.

Adios!

KLKlosure

2007-04-03T15:03:00.000+08:00

This joint is closed henceforth effective March 31st. The board has met and taken a management decision that it will not be viable on a number of perspectives to continue.

And so ends our unofficial official announcement.

Pradana Vizha

2007-03-28T20:06:00.000+08:00

So, is it the season of Pradana Vizha again? Where we sit down and apparently honour the talents and horrors of local TV station, Vasantham Central? Whereabouts do we honour the artistes who have since left our fair shores to crack it big in mainland India or Malaysia for that matter. These being the only other 2 countries where an Yindian has enough scope to further his/her pull over swaying crowds.

We take a look at the pre-math of the event to see what exactly all those names, companies, facts and figures tell us. Who we like we've highlighted in red, and of course the mandatory italicized comments within brackets.

Best Variety Series: Planet Galatta, Miss Vasantham, Vasantham Star, Neengal Kettavai

[I think you know where our tastes lie. Question is what the hell does Neengal Kettavai have to do with it all? Possibly satisfying the oldies demographic amongst us]

Best Drama Series: Padigal, Goal, Manam, Thirai, Nagal

[Don't even remember any of these shows.]

Best Info-ed/Culture Series: Vizhigal, Ullasa Oorvalam, Kannavai Thedi, Cooking for Love, Pournami

[Still waiting for who the hell made the cut in Kannavi Thedi, or is that just an open ended question for us to wonder]

Best Children Series: Subra n Friends, 24/7, Engal Ulagam, Kathai Neram, Savaal

[A no-brainer. Subra to take the cake.]

Best Actor: Vadi PVSS, Mohan, Kathiraven, Puravalan, Somasundram

[Give this man the award, and throw him a beer]

Best Actress: Renu Theresa, Kavitha, Vanitakumari, Premalatha, Annetha Ayyavoo

[They all sound alike, move alike and wail out loud in the crying scenes alike. We leave this to the general public.]

Best Supporting Actor: Veeraraghavan, Gunaseelan, Silvarajoo, Paneerselvam, Mohan

[We say, Veeraraghavan ought to get it cos he is really in much suffrage in Aal Illa Theevu]

Best Supporting Actress: Prasakthi, Manimala, Kalaiarasi, Prasanna

[Again, jus hand it to the best "cry"er]

Best Child Artiste: Nishok, Subramaniyam, Poobalan, Habib, Girish

[Nishok! The gangster boy who actually made us wanna tune into Subramani without fail]

Best Host: Elamaran, Shamen, Anwar, Ismath, Kavitha

[Tough choice. So we went with two. Comedians make the best hosts.]

And then, as usual, the fill up our coffers with your SMSes game is afoot. The nominees for "Who would you like to spend the most money on to listen to their acceptance speech" are:

Most Popular Male Singer: Pravin, Shabir, Saravanan, Mohan R, Suriamurthi

[We say go with old is gold. Man deserves to win something after years on the stage]

Most Popular Female Singer: Malini, Ananthi, Kavitha, Gunalakshmi

[Urm.. shouldn't this be Most Popular Dancing Female Singer?]

Most Popular Dance Group: Sangesthraz, Sureshvanaz, Movesh

[The Z syndrome hits again. As like a recent dance competitions, we are now led to believe that even those who don't win are winners in their own right. Right?]

Wise decision to make "Most Popular Programme" a television ratings contest rather than an SMS one or it would totally defeat the purpose. At least the one who wins it truly has brought benefit to the sponsors who place commercial after commercial, sometimes back to back in order to gain our consumer cash.

Interestingly, even by Pradana Vizha standards, the talk of cronyism, nepotism and political game play has been around since it's debut year. There was one particular year if you remember where only 2 production companies were vying for all the awards and amazingly, they came out with an equal number of awards at the end of the night.

Well, the market has opened up liberally now. And many other companies have joined the fray to provide some perfect competition. Let's see how they rack up according to collated nominations:

Blue River Pictures - 2
Eagle Vision - 7
Spectraa Productions - 2
Megastar Advertising - 1
Humming Bird - 1
Rough Cuts - 1
Verite Productions - 3
Art of Entertainment - 1
Golden Vision - 1

How could such a grand event pass by without the sponsors who make it happen. The usual suspects are in the fray again. Get ready for a bombardment of seen again ads, before, after, in the middle and in all the teasers.

But really, can businesses owned by Yindians or targetting the Yindian demographic only be stifled to those few whom we keep seeing over and over again for aeons. Conquering the commercial scenes and eventually our brain waves with their ditties and jingles? How come no other firm steps forward? Is the Yindian demographic too small for their advertising budget to be wasted over? Or are the account managers at MediaKorp simply enticing the "usual" clientele? Anyone's brain we can pick on this?

Eat It When It's Hot

2007-03-26T19:26:00.000+08:00

We've come across tons of Yindian spoofs across time. Doesn't it just bring about a chuckle when one tries to rap in an authentic Yindian accent coupled with throwing vadais, sambars, bajjis and payasam in the mix of the lyrics. Here's another group spoofing Snoop Doggy Dogg. Representing good ole Melbourne.

By the way, are you munching on something? Remember to eat it when it's hot.

snoop doggy dogg, drop it like it's hot, spoof, indian
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SI Meets Vidiyal

2007-03-22T20:52:00.000+08:00

For this mega-meddlesome post, we have to thank our friends at SI.com, who knowingly or unknowingly managed to provide much fodder. They earlier interviewed STMC [sorry excuse for a Tamil rap group, of course not forgetting their CHART TOPPING hit, "Tekka Nanba"]. Now, they attempt to remain current by calling on the (in) famous winners of Dhool 2006/7, NUS Vidiyal.

A bit of history since I have the time. SI.com, obviously a name borrowing of the famous #singapore_indians channel on Galaynet in mIRC which is still active, was meant to follow the footsteps of anakmelayu.com [a million dollar revenue drawing site] by the same creators but has since hit the doldrums and functions like a Friendster-esque pick up joint. I mean why pay cover charge and polish up your pick up lines at the clubs when you can just type one standard cheesy message and Ctrl+C, Ctrl+V it to a hundred different people. [Possible post on the levels of un-intellectual bombardment a female can receive in the near future]

There you have it. The story of a site gone wrong. Unless of course this was some devious Machiavellian plot and this was HOW the site was supposed to work out, as planned.

The crux of my point here is, surprise surprise, nothing to do with Dhool, it's components or aftermath. Rather, let's for a moment focus on the way Yindians answer to interviews.

Somewhere deep down in our genetics, we are all born story tellers. Rajini in Baasha says "Tamizhan vaayeh moodinaal, sethu poiruvaan" [An indian would die if he had to shut his mouth]. Thus, more often than not, interviews with Yindian people rarely are short of penning down the Mahabharata all over again.

Kollywood and Bollywood personalities have learnt over time that it is downright foolish to answer what one really thinks or to answer too much. The Yindian tabloids can be much more cruel than the paparazzi of US/UK whom we are well accustomed to. It has become a necessity if you are in the media world to let your publicist guide your movements and what comes out of your mouth.

Need proof? Indian Movie News used to publish long, beat around the "aala maram" interviews. Now, times have changed and staccato answers are what rule the day. Also, how many times have you caught yourself watching/reading an interview and going "NNB, don't bluff me la. What you really mean to say was...". Get my drift?

We review these Yindians' interview techniques and what WE thought they really meant. Reproduced here with NO paragraphing [to prove their story telling skills] and alignment editing; the words weren't touched. From the same team that brought you their first podcast. O Level students, take note, major summary techniques coming up.

Q. What's the difference between the previous dance groups from NUS and the one which rocked the stage for Dhool 2007?

A. NUS had dance groups like Minnal, Puyal and Sulzhal in the past years. Their dance style was modern folk and we wanted to be different from them. We experimented with dance steps from Paso Doble, Salsa, Jazz and Ballet. Our aim was to be unique which ultimately led us to victory.

What we understood: You won cos you were unique.

Q. Who came up with the choreography for Vidiyal? Who was the brain behind those beautiful dance performances?

A. Everyone's ideas came up together for the choreography. Some of us had dance backgrounds which came in handy. Choosing the right song took us a week sometimes and we would then research about the song and discuss which dance style would be the most suitable for it. We took every step seriously and eight of us played together to achieve what we did.

What we understood: 8 people "play" is better than 1 brain. Always approach a dance choreography like you would a Social Studies project. Research and Discussion. R & D.

Q. Costumes play an important part in standing out from other dance groups. In our opinion you did a great job. Did you get any help from any fashion designers?

A. Well, once we came up with songs and steps, our next task was to design the costumes. We chose colours which would be unique and also used printed materials which helped us to stand out from the other teams. We found that some groups didn't co-ordinate their costumes with their performance. We made sure we didn't do the mistake of making no sense; dressing in costumes that didn't have any connection to the song selected.

What we understood: Story has begun [Re: Well..... costumes]. Not answering to the question. Comprehension skills fail. Also, they managed to make "sense" as opposed to other groups' "no sense".

Q. In our Indian society, a lot of parents find that it's a waste of time for their children to take up dance. But you, NUS students, the supposed “nerds” of Singapore , how did you manage to convince your parents to allow you to join Dhool? What would you like to say to parents who have children who want to take up dancing?

A. When we named our group Vidiyal, we had a reason for adding the letters “NUS” to it. We wanted to show the society that we are not your regular bookworm or "Padikara Jathi" (Studying Caste). We enjoy to dance and we believe that every Indian out there love to dance too. When we entered this competition, we had the chance to prove that we could handle both studies and perform well in other activities without losing focus. Parents have to support and educate their children on what is important. It's a two way process for the youngsters too. If you want to dance, show that your attention doesn't waver from your studies. Prove to them that you can prioritise appropriately. In fact our parents turned up during rehearsals and gave us pointers and comments on how to improve our dance.

What we understood: We are made aware of another caste in the multitude of castes that actually exist. The main reason for joining Dhool was NOT for the prize money or for fame etc. , rather to SHOW that one can dance and study. How noble.

Q. As full time students, how did you manage both your studies and dance practices? We heard that you guys had exams the following day after the finals, how did you cope?

A. All of us submitted our timetables to our leader to come up with a comfortable schedule. Our practice times were kept at a constant 6 – 9 pm. Before the finals our passion took over and we sometimes stayed overnight to practice. We played games to keep ourselves awake and alert during the break times. Although we were pushing ourselves for victory on the other hand we always kept reminding ourselves that we had to study at the same time.

What we understood: Every team needs a leader. The leader needs to be good at timetabling.

Q. Did you feel intimidated competing against well known names like Triadic and Acidhouz?

A. We knew we were competing against those who already have a strong following and reputation as good dance groups, and this made us push ourselves harder. We made sure we did different moves and constantly tried to challenge ourselves to do something different. We set our own standard and tried to break it each time. In this sense, we considered ourselves our biggest opponents.

What we understood: Firstly, obviously research error. Triadiac was not a well known name before Dhool. What we inferred from this answer though, is that, the other opponents are just not "opponent" enough as themselves. Thus, the cliched "Conquer yourself to conquer your enemies" Kungfu line emerges.

Q. Plenty of people out there claim that NUS Vidiyal won due to favourtism. What do you have to say about this whole controversy?

A. There will always be rumours that any winning team had some help to gain that position. Seriously we are tired of explaining this to everyone. There is no chance to have any influence on our winning due the reason that sms voting were audited by the officials and accounted for and was tabulated few mines away before the prizes were given out. The criteria to win Dhool 2007: 60% judges and 40% SMS votes. We did our part by sending mass emails to our family and friends to support us. What people out there fail to realise is that, they could've helped the teams they were supporting if they had sent in their votes as well. And if they feel that the winning was based solely on sms votes, then the winning positions would not be at all like what we have right now. We also believe that the judges should have acted professionally and saved their integrity by not giving comments after the show. They were given a time and a place to comment and we feel that it's unfair to say something after the show that contradicts with what they said during the show. These comments give a bad name to the production companies and broadcasting channels. The public should be aware that the teams are only there to dance and win the competition, and that we do not wish to create and controversies at all. Ultimately at the end of the day, the winners are still the winners.

What we understood: When one is defensive, one talks a lot to defend. If your head is not exploding at reading such a large amount of unparagraphed text you would have realized that judge Selva isn't exactly Mr. Professional and Mr. Popular in their opinion. Also, Megastar and Vasantham have since suffered a "lose face" scenario, due to Selva, in the humble opinion of Vidiyal.

Q. Did any dance groups have any misunderstanding backstage? Was there any drama?

A. We found that the other dance groups behaved very professionally. They were supportive and encouraging everyone backstage. We found a lot of spirit among our fellow competitors. There wasn't any enmity amongst us at all. We supported each other and sometimes even shared our make up.

What we understood: Sharing M.A.C. is equivalent to support.

Q. Some people we know have lucky pens, socks and even undergarments. Did Vidiyal have anything like that? What was your good luck charm? How did you boost your morale before each performance?

A. Well, despite being from different religious backgrounds, we all held hands and said a prayer. One thing that could be considered our good luck charm could be at the end of the day, we all huddled together, joined hands and cheered ourselves by saying “Vidiyal”. Whoever was there joined us, it was not restricted to only the team members. This not only could be considered our good luck charm, but it also helped to boost our morale. When we were performing, we knew that we were not only doing it for ourselves but also for our family, friends and supporters.

What we understood: Nothing really, we were busy reminiscing about our Sec 1 orientation camp, school cheers and mass dances.

Q. What changes do you all want to find in the upcoming Dhool completion? Do you have any suggestions that you wish would be introduced in the upcoming competitions?

A. Well there were already many changes in this Dhool in comparison to the previous ones. Hopefully we'd be able to have a better concrete identity for Dhool. Don't be known simply as an Indian dance competition, but a competition where teams are able to gain exposure. Not only in Vasantham, but maybe on Suriya or the main channel such as channel 5 for that matter. We however, feel that maybe they could've improved with the choice of judges who were there. We felt that they had judges with mostly classical backgrounds, which can be considered a down point for the groups who had a mostly hip hop or modern dance background. Next, we hope that the judges would be more constructive with their criticisms and instead of just saying that they wanted to see something new, they could've also told us what styles they were expecting from us. Certain groups were very good at a particular style of dance, which is their plus point. Expecting them to dance something out of their comfort zone would be unfair to them. Another thing that they can do to improve the competition could be to maybe have an agreement with another channel, and make it a truly Singaporean event and have a cross channel show. And a suggestion to our Indian teams would be that, do not stay only in Dhool. Venture out and try to gain a stand in other dance competitions. Make Singaporeans be aware that there is a Indian dance team who can do what you do best.

What we understood:

a. Choice of judges suck
b. Judges don't talk sense
c. Cross channel what??!? I think this brainstorming session needs to end soon.
d. Teams should venture to other competitions too to show the "Indian" infusion. So, Vidiyal is joining The Dance Floor next season?

Pardon the slicing and dicing. Our inner children were inspired by the return of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.

Fret not. Did you really think we were going to let you read a serious, expository discussion by us and not lead you on to controversy? After reading the published text, some SI.com readers got on the comment bandwagon [what here at KLKillahs we all know too well].

The Dumb Ones

Uma Devi: I think its unfair judgement..i noe NUS vidayal dance perform was nice. but shld given others a chance as NUS as been getting 1st prize for pass yrs. i guess so. every team shld given a chance every year.. [Comment mirrored by Sugar Gurl too]

Right, I think we should just let Liverpool win the EPL since they haven't done so for many years.

Maya M: ...But then again, how can the Indian society allow another team to outshine NUS when they wanna paint a false picture that only the Local University students are ideal.... How can one blame them, when the Indian society is nothing but full of false ideals and status!

A nationally televised competition is actually a conspiracy theory to cement NUS as the elitists of society. A bit too far fetched even by our imaginative standards.

The Angsty Ones

Selvam S: Yanisha , who the hell let you out of Woodbridge? Maybe the warden should lock you back in and throw the keys away. Bottom line is NUS's victory, if thats what you want to call it, is ill deserved. Nothing has changed in the last decade . I have observed many a times when the "popular" school walks way with the trophy instead of the true winners. I guess we should really point our machetes at the judges who belong to the group of Indian scumbags with warped perceptions, ensuring the " popular" school never loses to the "otherwise". As long as these roaches and the machinations are allowed to endure, we will never see the true spirit of competition come to form. Judges, you truly are a disgrace. NUS, stop patting yourself on the back. You didn't win anything. Yanisha, go back to your cell.

We're extremely sorry your extreme displeasure with the Singapore Education system and the education divide has made you want to place a link from it to any competition you come across and the winners are not to your liking.

The Management

Rekha [of the interview team]: This comment page is beginning to bore me. Acidhouz and Diversity fans, I would like to say one thing to all of you. I am VERY VERY happy that NUS Vidiyal won the competition. They were available for an interview that very weekend. However, Acidhouz confirmed and canceled times, BLOODY TIMES! We have given up trying to contact them. Diversity, they were supposedly too shy to contact us, but not shy to prance around on stage in clothes with holes cut out.*shakes her head* NUS Vidiyal may not be the best dance group out there, but I assure you, those guys are the best ones that I contacted for an interview. BTW, I am sure they are having fun with all that prize and money whilst you guys whine about how other groups should've won. In my opinion, the best men, in this case, best men and women, DID win.

Whereabouts do we go to find good journalism when even the interviewers can't be objective? Likening not agreeing to an interview to the clothes people wear? Are you even aware of the lack of logic in your statement?

Back to where to get good objective, in your face, reports on all the happenings in the local Yindian scene: The KLKillahs of course.

Still, in a final look back, perhaps Dhool didn't deliver all that we wanted them to. Before, during and definitely AFTER the competition. But there always is one whipping horse that reminds us that there are lower levels to hit. We hope they win big in Pradana Vizha just to prove that bad programming can make it big. Hurrah for the underdogs!

Which was worst?

singapore indians, nus vidiyal, miss vasantham, dhool
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To Curry or Not To Curry

2007-03-20T10:08:00.000+08:00

Welcoming Ghost Particle to the fray, representing Sungai Petani, Kedah. Give or take 600 miles from our great nation. There we go again, we Yindians, trying to take over the world. But first, like every good politician, youse better have a goddamn classy politico speech. How else to promise colour TVs and win the masses? GP tries his hand to be Samy Vellu II.

Been trying to post for a few days. Its hard to blog when all the ideas come and pass when you're riding the bike into the sunset. So here we go. My first post in KLKillahs!

The epitome of 'being an Indian' is deeply rooted in our culture. We are very proud of who we are because of our roots. This for the good or bad, puts us in the spotlight in a distant corner, in our own world. The idea of KLK, that we being stereotyped are typical of what we are. But how do we break out from this? Why can't we look beyond the sunset, beyond the borders of our secure Indian world and touch the sky?

It's rare to see an Indian dream being compared to an American dream because we are at most insane idiots when it comes to capturing the dream of the future. We are constantly left behind because we let ourselves drift with the waves of the 'Keling' mentality people. These people are not out brothers or sisters, they don't deserve the camaraderie that a band of brothers should really have.

What we really want is a community where the new born Indian has a chance to fight on the same level and excel higher than anyone else based on being simply part of the fast forward future. We want independent thinkers and community builders who can look beyond the skin and emotions to capture the moment. We must think as a winning community rather than falling victim to our pasts or to the cry of the masses.

Constantly ask why can't we be different. What will happen to us if we want to be different? Can we live without our stereotypical reference pulling us behind.

With this, and joining the band, lets together kick out the oppressors of the KLK world and build a brighter future for our community!

Ok, I'm stumped. I wanted to cast my vote but I figure all his "building" and "referencing" was straight out of a civil engineer interview. Hope you landed the job bro.

KLKamping

2007-03-16T14:25:00.000+08:00

Sometimes we all come up with "What if" stories blending reality and imagination. Sometimes, these stories are quite fun when churned up by a devious mind. Div with one of her tales:

When 2 Tamilans Went Camping

Two makkehs went on a camping trip in East Coast Park after their O's to celebrate.

After smoking a pack and drinking a six pack, checking out the babes and checking out their handphones they felt rather woozy and decided that they needed to lie down for the night; and they went to sleep.

Some hours later, makkeh 1 awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. "Makkeh, look at the sky da! What can you see?"

Makkeh 2 peers at the sky and says "I see millions and millions of stars."

"Ya, but wat is the shtars telling you da?" Makkeh 1 questioned.

Makkeh 2 pondered for a minute. Since he was a chatty drunk and always felt magically more intelligent when he had 3 cans, he added "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Makkeh 1 was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Aiyo makkeh, someone has stolen our tent da!"

They went back to sleep, too tired to do anything about the alleged theft and woke up the next morning.

They found the unopened and unpitched tent right next to them.

Link

A Levels Real Deal

2007-03-14T21:35:00.000+08:00

Twas a few days back that we urged KLKlanites to suss out those miscreant A Level Aces for us to have a chat and perhaps pick their brain [read: prove that we are indeed smarter]. Alas, none were found. And we were a tad too lazy to actually go through Frenster, [first and last name available ma] and let them know we were knocking on their door and their chance to 15 bytes of fame.

Perhaps, this is what really happened:

goodness gracious me, a levels
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KLKalyanam Kons

2007-03-14T14:19:00.000+08:00

Fresh off the blogosphere, we encounter a like minded matrimonial individual.

Haven't you ever encountered people with pompous job titles, who harp on it in an attempt to make everyone else feel like a damn loser.

This is also important for all those Yindians who will go on Shaadi.com to choose their potential life partners. Don't get too impressed by an impressive sounding job title people.

Well my dear friends, fret no more. I have come to extend a helping hand to all my fellow Yindians who will shop for a man/woman online.

I have unravelled what these 'beautified' and 'glorified' titles really mean.

*Garden Boy (Thotakkaaran)
:Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist

*Maid (Veetu Velaikaari)
:Family Environs Upkeep Manager

*Receptionist
:Front Office Manager/Office Access Control

*Typist
:Printed Document Handler

*Messenger
: Business Communications Conveyer

*Window Cleaner
: Transparent Wall Technician

*Temporary Teacher
: Associate Tutor

*Tea Boy
: Hospitality management officer

*Garbage Collector (Kuppaiya Kootaravan)
: Public Sanitation Technician

*Watchman
: Surveillance specialist

*Thief
: Wealth Distribution Executive

*Driver
: Automobile Propulsion Specialist

*Cleaner
: Domestic Operations Specialist

*Peon
: Administration Manager

*Cook (Samaiyalkaaran)
: Haute Cuisine Chef

*Unemployed (Velai vetti-yilladha dhanda choru)
: Time management specialist

Gossiping(Veen vambu-kaari/kaaran)
: Social Research Executive

Full post HERE.

marriage, matrimonial, occupation
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KLKribs - Melbourne

2007-03-13T19:53:00.000+08:00

This was lying to fallow in the "Drafts" for so long, I near forgot it existed. Since, me, the girlfriend and half Singapore's population are on the verge of cracking a random person's skull due to a very very bad day, The Girl rants and raves on our behalf. Though not on the same topics in question.

Photo: Monash Indian Ball 2004 by anu.arya

Having grown up in the sunny island of Singapore, in the assembly of pinafore clad girls of CHIJ Katong Convent, to the mangamma madness of Upper Serangoon Secondary school, and having lived in Yishun for 3 years, I thought I've seen all there is to see about Indians.

I guess I made the mistake of thinking that characteristically at least, Indians are pretty much the same.

Since I hung out with a predominantly Aussie clique for the first two years I was in Melbourne, I didn't really get the opportunity to analyse the Indian crowd in Melbourne. However after coming to Monash University, I was thrown into the 'Kya yaar' throng of Indians. And so my global Indian education began. Albeit only in Monash University, it is quite a lesson.

In my university, there are the 'Indians' and then there are the 'Curries'

Disclaimer: Curries are what the Indians do not want to become. There are not bad people per se, but they can be quite embarrassing. It can be said that this is a case of 'same-race' racism, where some Indians frown upon the mannerisms of other Indians. As for me, I joined the group of Indians who made more sense to me. I do take a lot pleasure in watching the 'Curries' and commenting on them, as I am sure they do at us. Basically, this post is meant to entertain with no detrimental intent whatsoever.

The Curries.

You can pick them out from anywhere. Curries vary from India Indians, to Aussie Born Indians (ABIs).

Sub-Continental Indian Curries

You can pick them out from anywhere. Their dressing style is very distinct. They do the whole 'I am trying to look like I just got out of bed and walked to uni but actually I was up for the last 4 hrs doing my hair' thing.

First, their shirt. It will only be tucked in the front. That is one look that baffled me. I mean, you wanna tuck in your shirt you tuck it in, if you don't, then DON'T. What is this half and half crap? Eventually, wisdom descended upon me, and I found out that they are going for the 'I-made-out-behind-the-bathroom-dishevelled-shirt' look. See, the unfortunate thing is their entire 'I'm happening yaar' guise falls flat because all 478 of them walk around like that.

Ah..then come the pants. Always hung low, BUT BUT, not for the reasons all other guys I know wear their pants low. Because these guys want to show off their latest super expensive sexy ass boxers/jocks. It is very crucial that everytime they lift their arms, everyone within a 5 metre radius should be able to see the brand name of thier undergarments.

It is a cardinal rule that everything they throw on their torso has to be designer duds. And they let you know it.

ME: Hey, how was your weekend.

Curry: It was alright ya, I went to the city with *insert names of no less than 10 friends*

ME: Yea?? Where did you guys go.

Curry: Everywhere! It is so hard to find a decent pair of gloves.

ME: Gloves? C'mon there are SO many gloves at Target, Priceline, even at Roxy and Billabong.

Curry: *Sniffs* hmmm...I went looking all around Chapel St...I went from Gucci, to Ralph Lauren to *Insert designer brand names*

ME: Right.

Their daddy's money is at their disposal, and that does benefit people below the poverty line like me. For example, it is common to pre-drink before heading off to the club or pub. In cases like these, they are very very generous with their drinks. And at the pub or club, if you give them a stick of chewing gum, they'll end up buying you drinks. So basically, they have no spending limit. Which usually means a lot of them get BLIND drunk. Which would be fine by me if they did not spend the whole time convincing me that they are not drunk and then throw up on me.

Now these curries have adopted this whole 'I want to get rid of my indian accent' thing. Trust me, it is nauseating. I mean, to go from 'Hey where were you yaar' to 'Where've you been mate' is quite a lot to stomach. Which brings me to a massive pet peeve of mine. What is wrong with your natural accent? Yea, like Russell Peters said, the Indian accent isn't the coolest. But it defines Indians. Just the way Singaporeans and Malaysians don't have the best sounding accents. Poseurs. But I digress. I've told a few of these curries off, but once they see that white skin and blonde hair, they slap that Aussie accent on.

If you walk into any cafe in my uni, and spot a table with trays strewn haphazardly, empty cups littered around the table and chairs not pushed back in, you know for a fact that the Curry bomb has hit that place. The world and everyone in it are their servants.

Aussie Born Indian Curries

What is the use of curling your fake mahogany brown hair perfectly, applying blue mascara on the top eyelid, black mascara on the bottom eyelid, 3 colours of eyeshadow, wearing chandelier earings, 3000 bangles/bands on each arm, long chains, a shiny top and skinny jeans, boots (for fuck sake), and a perfume you can smell 50 miles away, to UNI!!?!?

It probably takes 3 hours to do all that. And who actually bothers doing all of that? CURRY GIRLS. Aussie Born Indian chicks all look the bloody same too. If you are gonna spend so much time dolling up, it wouldn't hurt to be original now would it? They treat every walking surface like a fashion runway.

And they travel in packs like wolves, sniffing out the latest metro sexual Aussie Indian dude who thinks he is too cool to be Indian because he is 'Aussie' by nationality. SCREW YOU. How come I see you at every Indian clubbing event, singing along to every damn song? Still Indian by musical inclinations?

What pisses me off the most is the way the girls look at me when they walk past me. They give me the 'Oh you poor girl, I am SO much hotter than you. All the curry boys will look at me 10 times before they even glance at you' look. To that I give them the 'I am smarter than you. Period. I'll be paying your salary' look.

The craziest thing about these Curries is how they DON'T want to be Indian. The Sub-Continental Curries seem hellbent on losing their accent and the Aussie Indians actually take PRIDE in not knowing their native mother tongue. It is one thing not to know it, but to be proud that you don't know it is just bloody obnoxious.

ABI: Hey, I'm *vaguely Indian sounding name*

ME: Oh hey, Gaya, Nice to meet you.

ABI: Oh Gaya, that's nice...is that from Captain Planet?

ME: Haha, no I get that a lot, but it is Indian. Erm, short for Gayathri.

ABI: OH yeaaaa, I was thinking that you might be Indian.

ME: You are too right?

ABI: *Shrugs* *VERY Obnoxious* Yea I guess so..haha!!

ME: Where are your parents from

ABI: Oh India, from Delhi

ME: So can you speak Hindi?

ABI: OH NO! *giggles*

And yet, they rub all over each and every curry boy they see. Nothing sickens me more than whitewashed Indians.

Curry boys also think they are 'Da Bomb', which is actually quite humorous. They seem to be deluded that they are the Princes of the Bay of Bengal and so every female would be stunned by their bedazzling eyes and lick their feet. Walk by them and all of a sudden they are talking louder, laughing louder and some would laugh so hard they would fall out of the group and ACCIDENTALLY bump into you. *rolls eyes*

So as you can see, this post has turned from a mere examination of the Curries to a full on bitchfest. Well, as annoying as they are, they make my uni life interesting. Curries will always be curries.

Editor's Note: Highly interesting. I'm famished. Click HERE for "How to make a Curry".

monash, melbourne, curry, indian, abi
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KLKalyanam

2007-03-12T10:19:00.000+08:00

In order to maintain the one of the largest populations in the world, marriage is a must in India. Single parenthood is unheard of and abortion can only take place with your in-laws permission and if the baby is a girl. Again, to have in-laws, you must be married.

But, in land where dating is still taboo, mixed group outings are rarely seen, and arranged marriages are the order of the day, meeting the right man or woman is very difficult. Unless you are a Bad Indian Girl, then of course, you can do whatever the hell you want.

A few smart fellows who have realized this have made millions setting up internet portals where single men and women can view without prejudice, select without embarrassment, correspond in confidentiality and finally make the decision to take the plunge – and ask the parents for permission to meet.

Careful research into these portals has revealed a few typical scenarios. Or types of people, rather. If anyone out there has taken out an ad with one of those portals, and recognize yourselves here, we just want to say thanks for the opportunity to laugh at ourselves.

The Mama’s boy/ girl

You probably have no idea you even have a profile up on the matrimonial portal, cos your parents put it there for you. They describe you as God’s gift to humanity, and that the person who are looking for should be God’s gift to them.

My only daughter is a very sober natured girl. Her father has expired 4 yrs back. He was Sikh Punjabi by religion. I am Bengali. She has been brought up in bengali culture.
She is a post graduate in Business Managemnet and working with a Finance organization of Repute in Delhi in a senior position.
We have our own house.
We are looking for a sober, simple natured and understanding boy for her.

With an “expired” father, and her own real estate, she sounds like quite a catch.

And to be fair, here is a couple selling their son:-

my son is a marine engineer working in foreign flag ship as 2nd eng. he will be in ship for 3/4 months and home as he wish. bride to be graduate and emp/ un empl.to understand my sons profession.

Comes home as he wishes? Sounds like the folks are looking for a companion for themselves more than for their son.

The past 40s

These people act like they don’t need this and don’t even know why they are here. But sometimes, one is hard pressed to keep the desperation out of your tone.

Getting down to the basic package. I am good looking, slim, intelligent with great sense of humour, independent and a fairly down to earth person. Fed up with being on my own as it would be good to have a likeminded companion with some energy for living! Tired of meeting men who don't live up to their profiles! are there any good looking, independent, young at heart and in looks forty something asian men out there looking for friendship which hopefully leads to a serious.

Ok, basic message – I have done this a lot, I have always been dumped, there something inherently wrong with me. If you are breathing, I’ll work with you.

The over promising NRI

He also does not believe in sentence structure or full stops. By the way, he makes less than 25,00 a year.

My name is XXXX I want to get married, I am 5ft6inch tall with an average built my mom is from India and dad is from an Urdu speaking family of Dacca, we live in Canada and are Canadian citizen… I am looking for a Urdu speaking wife most preferably from Karachi, Pakistan/u.p,bihar, hydrabad,Calcutta India or Pakistani/Indian settled in Canada is also welcome about my background ,moms from a Muslim family of Calcutta & dad's from an Urdu speaking family of former east Pakistan. . Thanks though please note that I personally do not give any important to all this family background, caste, status at all but for yours convenient I gave my family background details but for me my wife's, family background DOES NOT MATTER at all as I am not this type of a person for me I am a Muslim and a Canadian sure I have my like,s and dislike,s but the most important part is that I have to like the person I want to get married to and that's just enough for me I am quiet a western and open minded person in nature. After all ISLAM is my deen and Canada is my country and I love them both

Looking for: very fair or at least fair, average built , Pakistani /Indian or origin's of Pakistani/Indian settled in Canada should be Muslim and Urdu speaking
thanks

The maid employer.

she must be beautiful ,smart, fair ,educated and compassion,caring,understanding and loving.she should understand my profession and accordingly support me morally.i want her support and love.she should respect my parents and care them like her parents.i want my wife to be self sustained if she is ambitious.she can continue her higher studies or her profession.

Basically I want a maid who can pay her own way.

The Pedigree Conscious

A very simple garhwali brahman girl. Working in TCS. she is MCA from bhopal. Father is Asst. Work manager in Security Paper Mill govt of india. One elder brother (married ) lecturer in GNB Uttranchal universcity.

My Job: Working in TCS as Asst Syystem Engineer joined in May 2005. Can be transfered to Delhi, or other metro city . Looking for: Simple with High living values. Confident, responsible. And respect my family belong to garhwali brahmim

About Career: Plan to work after marriage.

My Family: Father Working as Asst works Manager in Security Paper Mill (M.P).
class I officer. Mother House wife(Nauitiyal)
One Elder Brother (married). Lecturer in Dept ofPharmacy HNB garhwal .universty uttrancal

Barking up the wrong tree

He is tall, athlectic, not interested in girls, owns a gym in his basement and likes to be fit? He is gay. Don’t waste your time here.

My son is 5.11 athletic built and an introvert homely kind of guy who likes exercising playing outdoor games and a complete family person besides in transportation business he runs his own health club which he is operating from the basement of our house we are a Punjabi family from lahore background.

My Job: he is operating from the basement of our house from where he is running his health club also. we are he authorised supplier of barley malt from barmalt ind pvt ltd two factorie in sikkim and a factory in orissa

Looking for: a homely girl who should have values

And there you have it, the guide to finding the right match on an Indian matrimonial portal. We can only help you identify the losers. The rest is up to you. Wait up for our bomb blast follow up post on KLKalyanam II.

indian, india, marriage, matrimonial, matchmaking
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Chiran Jeevi's Horse

2007-03-09T15:37:00.000+08:00

You think you've seen all the "Truck blocks the road, hero slides underneath it and escapes" scenes already? Check this one out from Telugu Mega Star Chiranjeevi.

telugu, mega star, chiranjeevi, horse
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A Levels Results 2007

2007-03-08T22:41:00.000+08:00

Now we definitely need to recognize the masterminds who manage to ace subjects I am still flunking in uni. Taken from TNP, 3rd March 2007, a list of the distinguished distinction go getters. Only the Yindian ones of course. [P.S. Welcome to uni, where you get to fail as easily as you order your chicken murtabak with extra kwah]

Number of distinctions indicated in brackets beside the name. 3 JCs failed to provide a namelist. Boo to them.

AJC

Revant Kapoor (8)
Bhavina Batukbhai (6)

MJC

Jeevan Raaj Thangayah

NYJC

Ray Ninan Panicker (6)

NJC

Japees Singh Kohli

SAJC

Anjali Krishnan

SRJC

Aarti Ramesh Khemlani

TPJC

Nandini Trivedi

VJC

Rajendran Mohan

Just for the record a maximum of 8 distinctions would mean: 4 A Level Subjects, 3 S-Papers and A1 for GP.

Now, for some KLKommunity involvement. If you, the members of our KLKlan are friends or know of any of these names listed, do let them know that the KLKillahs would like to get in touch with them for an interview. Get them to e-mail us at: kelingkillah@gmail.com and we will make it worth their while for acing their As.

jc, a level, singapore, results
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KLK·ontroversial Kompetition Konklusion

2007-03-07T23:45:00.000+08:00

So, I hope that all naysayers and praise-rs can await another Vasantham junk bond show to air their views. Not like it matters to most of us anyway, Jodi Number One is a way better production and we're not going to switch back to Channel 5 that soon except when there's zilch to watch on the rest of our 200 channels including Wrestlemania on Pay Per View.

We left it to you to a vote. This vote thing riles many a person up eh? Be it "X marks the spot" on our General Election voting slips or "Sms 1 for ****" virtual voting or even a show of hands in our classroom as to who should be the next monitor. No one really is happy about voting we suppose, even if their side actually wins it. This is after all the bane of a democracy.

Well, you voted and this is who YOU thought SHOULD have won it:

In reality however [as opposed to virtual reality where we reside], the vote count totalled up to a massive 31 914 SMSes. Multiplied by 60 cents a pop, nets Megastar/Vasantham [we're not aware of the percentages] a total sum of $19 148.40

There IS no free lunch in the media. Couple this with the tens of thousands that are coughed up for the commercials slotted in before, during and after the show and you can see, there IS nothing KLKontroversial about this competition. It was a successful one, to line pockets that is.

Alas, this monetary benefit accrued didn't really show in the actual layout and presentation of the programme. Did we see all the finalists go at it with different genres of music? Nah, all we got to see was what everyone was good at. Yes, they were given the same music and asked to choreograph their moves to it. But so? Let's imagine you gave Senthil and Goundamani the same banana and asked them to do something with it. Senthil is gonna end up eating it. While Goundamani is probably gonna end up peeling off its skin, laying it on the floor coupla metres ahead and then running to slip and fall violently on it.

At the end of the day, the test should have been genres and not speed of choreography. Comments on this point are welcome. For a more well received and all rounded approach to a dance competition, perhaps we should view and await the end of Dance Floor on Channel 5 to see if at least THEY know what they are doing whilst collecting our SMS votes. Now, even that is a rip off of So You Think You Can Dance? on Fox, so I think we're better off Bit Torrenting those episodes instead.

Although the competition per se wasn't so great as to award it an Emmy for Best Televised Drama cum Dance Kompetition, it did serve to bring out many a talent I feel. By talent, it is not only dance steps and moves we should acknowledge. Let me elaborate group by group:

1.Tridiac - Managed to bring mainstream hiphop to Yindians. Hip hop has been around for quite a while from the times when Run DMC gave us "My Adidas". In our country though, we have only been aware of perhaps Malay hiphop artistes, notably Triple Noize and the likes. This time, Tridiac, coincidentally also in the wake of Yogi B's new album, have brought to the fore that Yindians are capable of busting the moves of the old skool 'uns themselves. Big up to those B Boys.

2. Stepz - Stepz is a likable group. They brought us bhangra steps with a twist. They entertained us. And they should have gotten more recognition than they received. It's our sincere hope that Stepz grows from this to become a full fledged dancing powerhouse, as the quality of their finals performance would show.

3. Kali Dancers - Did you take a look at the props they brought forth in the finals? Kali Dancers in fact have the most Yindian feel about them and we love that. Choreography attributed to their "Guru", is top notch too. Somehow we feel this is not the last we're gonna hear of them.

4. Diversity - This all girl group simply wows for the lone reason that they are all female. Females adore other females who exhibit talent. Quite unlike the male species who are quite tantamount to shrug off other males who are getting jiggy with it. Males however also are drawn to the females who are indulging in some goyang goyang on the platform. Thus, Diversity is a group that cannot be disliked for the sheer composition of the group. Diversity also showed their diverse [pun intended] range of dance genres and they deserve a round of applause for it.

5. Acid Houz - The ones who made us love them. Newbies to the Yindian dance scene might have watched them here for the first time but AcidHouz never fails to up the ante when it comes down to a dog fight. A list of their achievements:

2003 NUS Dance Competition [6th]
2003 X Plosion Nite [4th]
2003 AMK Dance Competition [3rd]
2003 Kampong Ubi Dance Competition [Champions]
2004 Kreta Ayer Lock Up Dance Competition [4th]
2004 Chong Pang CC Revolution Nite [Champions]
2004 X - Plosion Nite [2nd]
2004 NaadaRasta AMK CC [2nd]
2005 Thrill Nite [2nd]
2005 DWA Nite [Consolation]
2005 X - Plosion Nite [Champions]
2005 Dhool [2nd]
2005 NaadaRasta AMK CC [2nd]
2005 Nanyang CC Asuraz Thillai [Champions]
2006 FunkamaniA [4th]
2006 NUS Dance Competition [Champions]
2006 Thrill Nite [Champions]
2006 DWA Nite [Champions]

Need we say more? Houza Houz.

6. Borderz 159 - The traditional arch rivals of AcidHouz and other perpetual dance competition entrants, Borderz didn't dissapoint us in any round of this event at all. Started off from old ITE AMK students, they held their own with their distinct style of costumes and moves all the way. Need a list of their achievements? Scroll on:

Vasantham Vetri Vizha [Champions]
Thrill Nite 05 [Champions]
DWA Nite 05 [2nd]
X-plosion Nite 05 [2nd]
Revolution Nite 05 [Champions]
Megastar Dhool 05 [3rd]
Vasantha Oli [Champions]
NaadaRasta [3rd]
Zee Zoom Baa [3rd]
NUS Dance Competition [Consolation]
Bukit Panjang CC [Champions]
Thrill Nite 06 [2nd]
Dwa Nite 06 [3rd]
Dhool Nite 06 [2nd]

7. Anarchy 99 - Anarchy aka Movesh we all know too well if you've been tuning in to any Vasantham variety program in recent times. They backup singers in the same vein as Rameshwara's Group and Sangeshtraz frequently and have undergone a name change to compete here. [Couldn't find a list of achievements for them, so if anyone possesses it, give us a heads up or e-mail us]. We want to see more of these people too. But definitely not in the context of a souped up reality based [which didn't happen] competition like this one.

Now, we've rounded up the groups and the individual contributions they brought to the table. Walking away with a bitter taste in your mouth or chewing some sticky "halwa", all we can do is cross our fingers and hope better programming comes along soon.

Dance. Dance group. Fusion. Dappan Kuuthu. Graamiyam. Hiphop. Ballet. Salsa. Tango. The list goes on. What is the scope for an Yindian dance group here anyway? Are they just destined to get 5 minutes of fame [average length of a Tamil song] dancing back up from time to time and walking away with a pittance? We know a group that for sheer PR skills alone has trumped everyone else.

Meet Sangeshtraz, the only Yindian [founded by ex-ITE Doverites] dance troupe we found with a website to boot. The face of the group is Morali who even features in Sinda's Step Tuition ads. A group that doesn't resort to Friendster and like minded social networking sites but was bothered to purchase and do up their own webpage? Impressive. Browse through and you will find their history, reflections of their founder, a photo and video gallery and even a feedback form on what you thought of their performances!

You think that's all? These are some of the other pies they've sunk their fingers in:

Costume designing & tailoring
Rental of costumes and accessories
Dance choreography for school programmes,SYF and other shows
Tuition classes
Enrichment programmes
Modelling services
Yoga classes

Sangeshtraz has our vote for being the shining star of Yindian dance groups in our tiny nation for the sheer pride they have in their work and the professionalism with which they face the virtual and real community.

Late Addition:

Depending on response, another post might go up on this matter because I like the way the readership counters are jumping. If there is anyone from any dance group who would like to speak to us with their views on "what really happened" or "what went wrong" or "what *** group is truly like", feel free to e-mail us and we'll get back to you ASAP. All views expressed are strictly anonymous and you may even submit a video, written text or get down and dirty in a face to face interview. So, calling any member of Acidhouz, Borderz, Anarchy, Diversity, Kali Dancers, Tridiac and Stepz; get in touch with us, we wanna hear from you. Confidentiality willl be strictly adhered to.

We know we promised a Part 6: Interview with a Vidiyalite post, but what the hell, we thinks they have been vocal enough on our comments already.

Ekkada Chudu!

provogue said... Hey guys, you are entitled to your opinions but pls refrain from accusing the Vidiyal team for winning. We did not use any underhand tactics, we did not hold anyone hostage. If you think it's unfair that we won, pls direct your accusations and questions to the producers. We did not force anyone to give us the prize. You are free to insult our dance performances but don't personally insult the team and its members.

visha said...I have a doubt. Everyone claims Acidhouz to be the true winner in the competition and that NUS Vidiyal did not deserve the trophy. In which case can someone please explain to me why it is acceptable for them to reuse a dance piece which they have performed previously at Thrill Nite without anyone questioning the integrity of their competitive spirit. Especially when the groups from the second semifinals only had two weeks to choreograph an entirely new dance as well as design and tailor costumes. How fair is this to the other groups competing?

For your reference:

Acidhouz at Thrill Night

Acidhouz at Dhool Finals

I'm done here. The rest of youse can do your literary works in the comments. We'll chuckle along.

dhool, vasantham central, singapore, tamil, dance
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Its just a matter of time

2007-03-07T16:01:00.000+08:00

I'm still pondering on what to do with that Dhool thing. Is it really something I could be bothered to write and wrap up? I think not. In my humble opinion, I couldn't really give a rat's ass on who dances what. Like I don't have 20 other JC/Poly/CC dance competitions to go and watch this calendar year. Still, to appease the hungry souls and your penchant for mindless banter, I might come up with something soon. In the mean time, Nal has unearthed a gem from a very fine Yindian humour columnist. Enjoy.

English in year 2020

It is the year 2020 and call centers are opening all over the West, as the new economic power India outsources work to the countries where many jobs originated. Millions of Americans, still struggling to adapt to a global economy, are willing to accept jobs that pay them in a new currency sweeping much of the world: URupees.

Some of them, eager to land one of the customer service jobs from India, are attending special training sessions in New York City, led by language specialist Dave Ramsey, who goes by a simpler name for his Indian clients: Devendra Ramaswaminathan.

On this warm afternoon, the professor is teaching three ambitious students how to communicate with Indian customers.

Professor: 'Okay, Gary, Randy and Jane, first we need to give you Indian names. Gary, from now on, you'll be known to your customers as Gaurav. Randy, you'll be Ranjit. And Jane, you'll be Jagadamba. Now imagine you just received a call from Delhi. What do you say?'

Gary: 'Name as tea ?'

Professor: 'I think you mean 'namaste.' Very good. But what do you say after that?'

Gary: 'How can I help you?'

Professor: 'You're on the right track. Anyone else?'

Jane: 'How can I be helping you?'

Professor: 'Good try! You're using the correct tense, but it's not quite right. Anyone else?'

Randy: 'How I can be helping you ?'

Professor: 'Wonderful! Word order is very important. Okay, let's try some small talk. Give me a comment that would help you make a connection with your Indian customers.'

Randy: 'It's really hot, isn't it?'

Professor: 'The heat is always a good topic, but you haven't phrased it correctly. Try again.'

Randy: 'It's deadly hot, isn't it?'

Professor: 'That's better. But your tag question can be greatly improved.'

Randy: 'It's deadly hot, no?'

Professor: 'Wonderful! You can put 'no?' at the end of almost any statement. You are understanding me, no?'

Jane: 'Yes, we are understanding you, no?'

Professor (smiles): 'We may need to review this later. But let's move on to other things. Have you ever heard Indians use the word 'yaar'?'

Randy: 'Yes, my Indian friends use it all the time. Just last night, one of them said to me, 'Randy, give me yaar password. I am needing it to fix yaar computer.'

Professor (laughs): 'That's a different 'yaar,' yaar. The 'yaar' that I'm talking about means friend or buddy. You can use it if you've developed a camaraderie with a customer. For example, you can say, 'Come on, yaar. I am offering you the best deal.' Do you understand, Jagadamba?'

Jane: 'Yaar, I do.'

Professor (smiles): 'Okay, let's talk about accents. If your client says 'I yam wery vorried about vat I bought for my vife,' how would you respond?'

Randy: 'Please don't be vorrying, yaar. She vill be wery happy and vill give you a vild time tonight.'

Professor: 'Vunderful! I mean, wonderful. You have a bright future, Ranjit. And so do you, Jagadamba. But Gaurav, you haven't said anything in a while. Do you have any questions about what we've just learned?'

Gary: 'Yes, Professor, I do have one question: Wouldn't it be simpler to learn to speak Hindi?'

Source: Melvin Durai

humour, usa, india, hindi, english, call center
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KLK Killadi

2007-03-04T23:11:00.000+08:00

You might have seen this already. But who cares? We're not going to let something of this KLKuality escape this blogroll.

To The Guy In The Video: You have won a spezial cuppa of pirst class moru coming thaipusam from thaneer pandhal 14. Courtesy of KLKorporati.

Look at my face
And you can guess my race

You wont even see a trace
of anything yellow

an indian guy
in singapore

everytime i step out the the door
i only see yellow

and so i go to school
everyone thinks they're cool
but they were all yellow

your skin..
oh yeah your skin tone.
is not
is not beautiful

you know
you know i need a brown girl
in this yellow world..

i try to date
a girl just like them
didnt work out in the end
cos she was too yellow

i even wish
i was colorblind
then maybe it wouldve been fine
cos she was all yellow

her skin.
oh yeah her skin tone
was not
was not beautiful
you know
you know i need a brown girl
in this yellow world

its true
look how i pine for you
look how i pine for you
look how i pine

look how i pine for you
look how i pine for you
look how i pine.

look at the stars
look how they shine for you
and everything you do..

ahh.. wad lyrics.. I need a brown girl in this yellow world.

KLK·ontroversial Kompetition II

2007-02-28T02:35:00.000+08:00

Part 6: Interview with a Vidiyalite is going to be akan datang-ed due to the stratospheric egos noticed among our new found celebrities. Catching an interview with the Queen would require less kow-towing. [In reality, ah_neh was just without access to the ingterneck the past few days, that ku ku jiao, doesn't know when to go M.I.A]

Part 5: The People Speak

Our sampling of the many KLKomments surrounding Dhool in the blogosphere. Taking them objectively is entirely optional..

They Didnt like:

Farzana - "....The worst part of the whole thing is.THEY GOT SECOND.why do the best always get SECOND.i don't know why.But NUS Vidiyal won it all.they got obviously because of the voting.atleast thats what i think.they had and edge over acidhouz because of their popularity.damn the voting.ACIDHOUZ WAS THE OBVIOUS BEST AT THE FINALE..."

Nasreena - "..Last sun dhool competition rock'd except for the results.... i so want'd a 1-2 finish for Acid Houz and Diversity... sadly.. the judges and the vot'n screwed up... I personally thk its so dumb to hav voting in talent show... i mean. wat happens if a team is freak'n lousy n they get to win thanx to jus the sms votes?! its so freakin unfair!!! - arghhh!! nvm.... done is done...."

Salz - "...Diversity & Acid Hauz did amazingly but NUS won. They so do not deserve it!Even the article today quoted the judges sayin tt the public vote helped them win the title but the former 2 were much better.That might catch NUS full on their face. Aikx!..."

Malini - "..Okie.. this is a post on the Dhool 2007 competition which took place yesterday.. and I am super duper pissed off with the result..A team from NUS known as NUS Vidiyal won the damn competition.. wth!.. how can they ever win it?.. Just because they are from NUS doesnt mean a FUCK!.. naturally all these Indians have a perception... that Indian kids from NUS are more 'decent' than the other Indian kids who make it to Polys or ITEs.. and for goodness sake.. that doesnt mean a SHIT!.. and btw.. I do HATE Indians from NUS..."

Sutha - "...The truth: I have nothing against them. No.1 university in Singapore. Nice school. Not everyone have the chance to study there.The fact: pls give chances to the rest of the schools in sg. NUS is not the only one. In singing competition, dance competition, whatever s***t competition they participate , they are always choose as no.1. I just wonder whether the media has sign up some sort of agreement with them in terms of winning..."

They Like:

Poonamm - "...yes we voted obsessively, many times at that. but if you are in to win a competition and you are supporting a team that you hope to have win the competition wasnt tt part of the process of supporting?..."

"...anyway the dancers are well aware tt on the finals they were not the best group there. but hey their supporters ensured they got the victory. n biased comment insert-- they worked their bloody asses off... n dared to be different.. they knew the dance they were doing was a risk.. it was unchartered territory for them n it was a risk they were willing to take for the finals. so for tt i m happy they won...."

Miss Exothika - "...I was mesmerized by NUS Vidiyal’s performance in the 1st round. However, I think Diversity took over the lead in the 2nd round. NUS deserved that Victory. I think there was something going on between AcidHouz and Veshnu (the judge). I didn’t fancy their performance in any way yet the dude was praising them for nothing. My personal favourites for last night were NUS Vidiyal & Diversity..."

They Dont Give A Damn:

Dev - "... and as usual NUS won!!! Though they were good that's not the reason they always win...it seems that the brand name NUS sells... their dance were very different from the others... their dance were all contemporary fusion and the TriDX was mainly hip hop and they were really good... and acid house was really the house favourite... however my eyes were glued to diversity... they should have called themseves diverSexy..."

Tiagesh - "...Look, i'm not an incredibly big fan of NUS. Be it Puyal , Vidyal, or any other vaal that may be. I do think there is a slight bias towards NUS. I remember this program which was some glorified school competition which had a really shitty dance, but they still got in. Of course, they somehow bucked up, danced really well for the semi finals and made it to a credible fourth placing. Or was it, 3rd? Like i said, not a big fanNow Vidiyal arent too bad. They did really well for the quarters and semis and i think probably deserve to be up there with the best.I couldn't watch the final, but based on their previous performances , i'm not surprised. I also understand you're required sychophantic sms freaks to win as well, but hey whose bothering..."

Karthik - "...Talks of Kalaichelvan started fillin' the room. I guess rumours will always be rumours, till there's substantial proof, that Mr Dhil Dhil (whom I find terribly irritating) was pullin the strings for NUS to win, in this case, Vidiyal.However, based on the comments of many who watched the show, I gather that Houz Houz and Diversity seemed much likelier winners. I guess it is only fair, to point fingers at the judges then, rather than to point towards Vidiyal. Dun get me wrong here, I am no Vidiyal supporter, and no sms from my phone was a vote for them, or any other group for the matter. Whatever the outcome, as the title suggests, life must go on. To Diversity and Houz Houz, I guess you guys did your best. To Vidiyal, congrats...

There you have it. Coming right up, Part 6: Interview with a Vidiyalite.

Tag-Less

2007-02-27T04:02:00.000+08:00

On a totally un-Dhool-ified sidenote, the tagboard is hereby removed. I could launch a 3 page expository essay [like what I teach my Sec 3/4 kids] on the pros and cons of allowing free, un-censored speech and the privileges of anonymous touch-and-go addicts; but I shan't.

We hope that readers with valid, pertinent comments will continue to do so in the "Comments" section cos that's what it's there for. Comment moderation is on "off" but it can always be switched "on" if need be.

In all frankness, wanna know why the the tag board really got removed?

Because I can.

KLK·ontroversial Kompetition

2007-02-27T03:10:00.000+08:00

The War is over.. but the fires are yet to be put out.. KLKillahs definitely had our 2.14 [with 7 percent GST] cents worth on the entire brouhaha that has descended upon not only ours but Yindian blogs around the nation. Still, famed for our neutral "fuck up everybody" attitude cum repressed anger issues, we needed to show that all youse aint the only ones who know how to bitch. In fact, we kinda do it a helluva lot better.

NUS Vidiyal won. Some cheered. Tons boo-ed. Did they deserve it? According to word on the street [at least those we live in] NO. We find out why they think that way and what really gives. Consider this an episode of Mythbusters. [Yes, we know you haven't heard of it since SunTV gives you all the education you need in this lifetime]

Part 1: SMS Wars

The propaganda machine that NUS rolled out was almost Stalin-esque in its efficacy. Agitation by the SS-like "Vidyalites" running arnd campus, canvassing, passing out flyers, kisses, promises.. every damn trick in the book.. even directly/indirectly touching on their loyalty being NUS students.. Auw.

Non-indians? Dunno wads Dhool? Not going to watch? Who cares?! You are from NUS.. support bumiputra!! Netizens weren't left unperturbed by the crusade. Flaming was going on afterburners on tag boards all around town. Spam e-mail, MSN nicks/messages, Friendster bulletins, "cut and paste" flyers. Every possible string was pulled in order to bring in the most votes. Even this very blog, sullied its creed for neutrality and failed to moderate the "Pro NUS" tags that appeared in the dead of the night.

Let me clear the air, KLKillahs takes no sides. We're quite happy fucking up everyone in sight equally.

Now, the reality check. Perhaps we were only acquainted with the NUS war effort because of our close ties to the undergraduate community. How about the other groups? Did they also go on an all out Mortal Kombat for that measly 60 cent vote?

Myth Busted:

Every group DID sms/call/msn everyone in their immediate vicinity to garner votes for their cause. Everyone DID ask their immediate recipients to forward the message on. An eyewitness account related to one of the KLKillahs tells of how Kali Dancers were in fact distributing sweets in exchange for votes in Tekka to the general public. Another well-connected eyewitness tells of how he received the "Vote Me" mass sms message from ALL the 5 groups.

And if this entire SMS cheater bug tale was to be totally convincing, Vidiyal ought to have won the damn vote off shouldn't it? Here we produce a graph detailing the voting percentages as of the Friday before the Finals. Trust us, the actual figures don't differ much from this representation.

1st - Kali Dancers
2nd - Borders
3rd - NUS Vidiyal
4th - Anarchy 99
5th - AcidHouz

Commentary

What is this SMS voting all about really? To select the best dancers? Or to see who has the most friends / relatives / 2nd - 3rd degree Friendster connections? Yes, the counter argument will be that "It's a competition, we do what it takes to win.". True that, leave humans to their own devices and they're bound to want to take top spot using anything within their abilities. Still, the spirit of finding the best dancers is just gone now isn't it?

Meritocracy is a system of government or other organization based on demonstrated ability (merit) and talent rather than by wealth, family connections (nepotism), class privilege, cronyism, popularity (as in democracy) or other historical determinants of social position and political power.

Underline "merit" and "popularity". Something our nation is built upon and prides itself on is the ideal of meritocracy. A competition obviously seeks to reward the ones who deserve the most merit amongst their competitors and not be rough-raped into being a democratic "Vote for me cos you like me" system.

Here the counter argument will definitely seek to implicate American/Singapore Idol's voting system. 26,000 votes for this competition. 3 million votes for Singapore Idol. And close to 100 million votes during the final stages of American Idol. Some of us here DO understand the law of averages. And furthermore, when you have 3 million people voting for 2 finalists, after the first 500 we're damn cock sure none of them even has the remotest personal relation to the finalists. In your speak this would be "The member is in your extended network. Please provide E-mail address or Full Name".

Part 2: Rumour Mill

Other then the Fuhrer chanting vote canvassing, word has been spreading, rumor has been mongering, that the NUS Alumni is alive and kicking within MediaKorp. A mini revolution was taking place during the time-wasting the very un-funny V1 and V2 were trying too hard to do. Fingers have been pointed at every possible media persona [mostly at the producer's levels] for being in cahoots with NUS Vidiyal, possibly exploiting their connection to their alma mater when calling in favours. Details, like all rumours on the street have been hard to come by and substantiate. Did art and talent truly prevail? Or are the naysayers to be believed that no matter where you go and what you do, it's your "friends" who matter the most?

Myth Busted:

I personally don't know how far this accusatory claim of lack of integrity is true. But I know what I'd do if I was a judge on this fated episode and someone came up to me and said "Well, we know that ***** won by your marks, still ***** is gonna take the prize because WE decided so".

This would be an apt moment to tell the offending turd to take that result slip, turn it sideways, and stick that sum'bitch straight up his candy ass. I might also be inclined to, go down Know Your Role Boulevard, hang that right at Jabroni Drive, and proceed to check his candy ass in at the Smackdown Hotel. [mandatory People's Elbow is released here]

Part 3: Convo with Random NUS Student

Me: do u think NUS deserved to win?

V: honestly no, as much as i am happy for them, i honestly thought that they were not the best today.

Me: can u please tell me why so?

V: their concept was good for the first dance...costumes were the most outstanding out of all the grps in my opinion...cos they were classy and attractive...unfortunately the execution of their first dance cld be betta...cos somewhere in the middle it started getting messy due to their coordination...expressions cld be made more impactful...then for the 2nd round i thot their dance was of least relevance to the music and the least creative as compared to acidhouse, steps, diversity and all.so overall they were good but nt gd enuff to clinch the title. my inside info tells me tt the votes made all the diff. who were u expecting to win?

Me: god knows la.. me not interested in whu won.. but i think NUS bucked the trend.. and didnt do the 'typical' thing.. so i guess that appealed to me..

V: ok then gd tt they won then

Me: but got so much KLKontroversy.. i like :)

V: yea alot...pple actualli started booing so loudly when nus was announced as the winners.

Myth Busted:

Not all their supporters are mindless sycophants apparently. We apologize for failing to ask if "V" actually DID vote via SMS.

Part 4: Recap of the Finals

These being the only videos we could get a hold of at press time, enjoy these 3 groups who have entertained with their goyang goyang through the weeks.

Tridiac

Acidhouz

Anarchy 99

NUS Vidiyal

This section will be updated as and when we receive the videos of the other 5 remaining groups.

More to come! Watch this space as we invite one of the Vidiyal teamsters to 'fess up on what they really think of all the criticisms flung their way and what they think won them the competition. All this in, Part 5: Interview with a Vidiyalite. After that we'll attempt to seal this with a collection of comments from around the blogosphere in Part 6: The People Speak.

Howeezit ?

dhool, vasantham central, dance, acidhouz, nus vidiyal, anarchy 99, tridiac, kali dancers
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Behind the Dhool

2007-02-26T02:20:00.000+08:00

So, Dhool's over isn't it. While all you mainstream blokes might be just nestled in on the couch at 630 pm each Sunday attempting to marvel at acrobatics or wish you could controlled spin the way others did, there was an underground scene to it all. In fact, I think this was more interesting than the actual show. Now, if only the producers knew what we did, they could have worked it into their "we say it's reality but in fact there's nothing reality showy about it" show.

So, I'll give you the lowdown on something you might not have realized and the others will weigh in on their actual Dhool round up when they do.

Now hear my tale:

There once was a group called Acidhouz. And they put up a semi-final dance performance, very fusion-esque, looking like this:

Soon after though, a member of the ingterneck world recalled something that was repressed in his memory and pieced together a video diss that looked like this:

Enraged at the notion that someone was branding them a KLKopykat, the Acidhouz blokes took it upon themselves to resolve it with the aid of current prevalent technology and came up with this response:

Receiving kudos for the way they handled this apparent finger-pointing situation, the matter was laid to bed. Or was it?

Soon after another naysayer who is also living in self righteous originality realms posts this:

And we now leave this story with it's open ending. Because Yindian stories are not fun anymore if they actually do end.

dhool, acidhouz, movesh, anarky 99
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Rajnikanth: Management Guru

2007-02-26T00:25:00.000+08:00

Forget Peter Drucker and his Management 101. If you is Yindian and are gainfully employed in a managerial position, you might want to draw on Superstar's wisdom when it comes to the workplace.

Rajni’s punch:

“ Khanna naan yosikama sollrathile, sollittu yosikrithile’

Management Lesson:

Planning is absolutely important and having planned there is no need for any re-confirmation in the attainment of the objective.

Rajni’s Dialogue ( 16 vayathinile ) :

“ Ithu eppadi iruku”

Management Mantra:

Getting the opinion of the downline is very important for any top management. This makes an organisation very democratic”

Rajni’s punch ( in Dharmathin Thalaivan) :

“ Nan thatti kaetpaen, aana, kotti kudupaen”

Management mantra:

The top management can demand and at the same time reward probably thru Incentives and ESOPs.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Arunachalam ) :

“Sollraan, seiraan”

Management Mantra:

These two words just are good enough to understand the importance of Delegation and Implementation….both are very important to any professionally managed company.

Rajni’s Punch ( In Baasha ) :

“ Naan oru thadavai sonna, nooru vaati sonna mathuri “

Management Mantra:

In less than 10 words, he narrates the importance of proper communication skills and listening skills. There should always be clarity and authority in what the management says and the there should be no room for any misinterpretation. Also if the listening skill is well established, we can avoid waste of time and efforts in communicating the same subject thru phone, mails, memos etc..

Rajni’s punch ( in Baba ) :

“ Naan lateaa vandalum, latestaa varuven”

Management Mantra:

Even if there is delay in rolling out a product or service, we need to ensure that we deploy the latest methods and technology. This is important to all industries.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Baba ) :

“ Asantha adikirathu unga style. Asarama adikirathu Baba style”

Management Mantra:

It is very important to be pro active than reactive. This is particularly important for Telecom and Credit card companies. You need to be launching pleasant surprises to the consumers before the competitor knows about them.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Padaiyappa) :

“En vazhi thanee vazhi”

Management mantra:

You need to be different to succeed. Don’t choose a "me- too" line of business.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Engeyo kaeta kural ) :

“ Kai alavu kasu iruntha athu namma kappathum, athuve kazuthu iruntha atha namma kappathunum”

Management Lesson:

Here he clearly talks about treasury operations and wealth management services. The management should focus on their core business. Investment advice should be left to the wealth management companies or experts. In fact Mutual Fund managers should use this punch to multiply their clientele.

Rajni’s Punch ( in Baba ) :

Baba counting starts now 1,2,3,…

Management mantra:

Here he just narrates the importance of timelines….

Samje?

NMPs

2007-02-24T00:20:00.000+08:00

Parliament is in session. And if you think you have the right to clink glasses and piss and diss politics, do at least know what the issues at hand are. For a list of all questions and topics to be discussed in seatings, click HERE.

On our part, other than the usual Yindian dudes we see in the papers giving their 20 paisa worth on whatever is rocking their boat, we focus today on 2 Nominated Members of Parliament of Yindian ancestry and see what they bring to the table.

Mr Gautam Banerjee, Executive Chairman of Pricewaterhouse Coopers [CV]

On 1 July 2005, Gautam Banerjee was appointed as the Chairman of the Asia 7 Leadership Team and continues to be the Executive Chairman of PricewaterhouseCoopers Singapore.

Prior to this, Gautam was a member of the firm's executive committee since January 1996 and had experience leading various business units in the firm, including most recently, the firm's largest business unit, the Assurance practice. He has had partner responsibility for some of the firm's largest clients including Temasek and Singapore Telecom.

During his 22 years with the firm, he has contributed significantly to the development of PwC Singapore from a predominantly audit and tax practice to a multi-disciplinary professional services firm with capabilities in Risk Management, Corporate Finance and other business advisory services in Banking and Capital Markets, Telecommunications and Technology.

Gautam graduated from the University of Warwick and is a member of the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England and Wales and the Institute of Certified Public Accountants in Singapore.

Dr Kalyani K Mehta, a social worker and NUS Associate Professor [CV]

Dr Mehta enjoys teaching at the Department of Social Work and Psychology, National University of Singapore. She is also Managing Editor of the Asia Pacific Journal of Social Work, a journal produced by the department. Currently, she is Chair of the Department Research Ethics Committee and member of the University Senate.

She has conducted research on women, families and elderly. Her Master's thesis was on Attempted Suicide by Indian women in Singapore (1984) Her doctoral dissertation was on "The Dynamics of Adjustment of the very old in Singapore" (1994). Her research interests include Elder Care Policies and Services, Carers' Stress, Retirement, Widowhood, Gerontological Counselling Models, and Long Term Care. The cross-cultural aspects and experiences of the respondents are often highlighted in her research.

Dr Mehta has published three books, and a fourth co-edited book is in press. The last is entitled "Long Term Care in the 21st Century: Perspectives from around the Pacific Rim. " She has published more than 20 articles in international peer reviewed journals such as Ageing and Society, Journal of Aging Studies, International Journal of Aging and Human Development and Journal of Cross-Cultural Gerontology. She has also contributed chapters in highly reputed books on Gerontology and Care for the elderly.

Kalyani Mehta is a member of the Gerontological Society of America, British Society of Gerontology and Gerontological Society, Singapore. She served as President of the Gerontological Society, Singapore and represents Singapore in the International Association of Gerontology. She is also a Council member of the Asia Pacific Association of Social Work Education (APASWE).

She has been invited to present papers at numerous conferences such as the U.N. Economic and Social Commission for Asia and the Pacific (ESCAP) Regional Workshop on Preparations for the International Year of Older Persons (1998) held in Beijing; the Joint Conference of APASWE,International Federation of Social Workers (IFSW, Asia Pacific) and Australian Association of Social Workers held in Brisbane in 1999.

Kalyani Mehta has served as consultant to several international and regional organisations such as U.N. ESCAP (Bangkok) and Asia Development Research Forum, a programme sponsored by the International Development Research Centre (Canada). In Singapore, she is consultant to Samaritans of Singapore and Marine Parade Family Service Centre. In the arena of policy development she has made significant contributions as a member of the Advisory Council of Family and Aged. She is an active member of the Feedback Group on Elderly Development, Ministry of Community Development and Sports. On occasions she has been advisor to the National Council of Social Services.

Got it? Now watch out for them and let's see what pertinent views they provide on national concerns as pseudo-Yindian community representatives.

A Tekka Sunday

2007-02-22T10:41:00.000+08:00

Give him a vehicle and a video camera and this member of the KLKillahs doesn't go around Changi Village catching unsuspecting trannies in action. Instead, he decides to trawl the backlanes of Tekka attempting to meet-and-greet some of his long lost village well playmates. Episode 1 of "Tekka Sundays":

Was another Sunday at the Dad's shop. KLKo-opted my brother into doing a few rounds in the car before parking. You've heard tons of driver related horror stories. We tried to do a expose. Tried is the key word here. [Why you never ask me? I'd have told you about the time my pops horned at someone only to return to see the windshield smashed in right?]

The first sweep turned out to be largely uneventful. [You think? KNN make us sit through 3 mins of NOTHING? Where're the blokes chasing each other with aruvals dei?]

The second sweep we went into some back lane to find a parking spot. Still not much except for a colorful outburst from the "elder one" and my horrible nasal-blocked nose-commentary. [You should have just used your kuyil pattu technique in place of the horn]

Next week, we find a more aggressive driver. [And hopefully, MystiKal does his cussing and swearing with the windows DOWN instead of in air-con comfort and sound insulation.]

Scandal Dua KLKonfirmed

2007-02-21T10:03:00.000+08:00

Do you recall Scandal Dua? Jumpstart your memory if you will then, HERE.

We insisted that this once TV pageant winner who had dissapeared into obscurity after heading off to peninsular India was in fact legally married and yet taking part in an international pageant this time around in the "Miss" category. We had a few naysayers then, who like all us opinionated Yindians do, came up with defensive gems like:

Anonymous said...
She is not married yet. I know her very closely.She is still single....

Geeta Ram said...
hi guys think all of you got it all wrong she's not married she was officially engaged to the former media corp singer Gopinath on the 1st of July 2006.She's not legally married if shes was she can never join the contest cos the organizers can always check with ROM and find the truth.I feel she's not that stupid to take such a big risk.I'm sorry to disappoint all of you.I'm her well wisher.

Well, the Miss Singapore India pageant concluded with much fanfare sometime back [30th Dec 2006]. Although our inside sources came through the minute the scandal broke, I decided to give it a bit of time lag just to prove the point that not everything is easily swept under the carpet especially when it's so in your face.

Fact 1. One time TV Pageant winner did indeed WIN Miss Singapore India 2006/7.

Fact 2. She was later discovered to have lied about her marital status in her application form.

Fact 3. The runner up, Jaishree was then bumped up to take the crown in her place.

Fact 4. All material workings were suppressed so as to protect the potential embarassment of the situation.

Fact 5. It was quite a shocker for those who attended and applauded the winner on that night only to check the website and see a different name attached to the crown.

Do you know now? That we never stop digging. No matter how old, KLKillahs bring it to you warmly served in a hot plate sizzling with black pepper and onions. [as opposed to fresh from the oven].

Late-ah vanthaalum Latest-ah varuvom.

scandal, miss singapore india, singapore, beauty pageant
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Dhool Finals

2007-02-21T06:06:00.000+08:00

So, there we have it. The build up to the finals of the reality show-esque [at least that's what they said] dance competition, Dhool.

The final 8 groups who will compete for the $10,000 cash prize and other supplementary prizes:

ACID HOUZ - hot favourites, have all their competitors on their toes

TRIDIAC - seem to only reign over the Hip Hop genre.

STEPZ - Loved their quarter final dance

DIVERSITY - Riding on the "Female" wave.

KALI DANCERS - Announced publicly that they take their cue from their "guru" who does the marjority of their choreography

NUS VIDIYAL - Said to be the most original of them all. Specialize in throwing the women around and acrobatics. Have history [past NUS groups] to live up to.

ANARCHY 99 - aka Movesh. Much experience on the variety show telly scene. Angel outfits were surprisingly pleasing.

BORDERZ 1:59 - rank up there together with Acidhouz. Left to be seen how the titans battle it out.

While you await the live telecast, be it at the studios or on your couch, let's have a go at what we thought of the programme. This time around, unlike a shoddy beauty pageant aired not too long ago, our coverage was very limited. See, Sundays are not stay at home days for the KLKillahs. We have social lives too. We need to play our footy too. And 6.30 on a Sunday is much more suited to aging housewives, aged senior citizens and little runts who didn't get permission to go down and play.

Analysis

1. Reality Show Angle

Why is the reality show bug suddenly hitting all Yindian produced programmes. The website indicates a column of the "Latest Rumours". They make the judges and ousted groups face off. The groups of course go one up in true Yindian fashion. Just take a look at their Friendster profiles and the underground rumours and bitching going around.

2. The Layout

So, all in all, there were 3 dances each group did to get this far. One for the auditions, one for the quarters, one for the semis. Instead of testing the ability of all the dance-phytes across various dance styles and genres, in each episode, they were first allowed to put up something of their choice. Well, when you leave human beings in a competition and give them free play, they are definitely going to perform something to their strengths. Something of familiarity. Something they've done so many times, it's second nature. How then do you do a comparison? I only caught the episode where all groups were asked to do a village style dance. It was quite obvious to one of the judges there that most of them didn't know what the hell to do. How about ballroom dancing? That would have been a colonial hoot.

3. The Criteria

I think it's pretty fashionable these days to just let your judging criteria evolve over the course of the competition. I mean, is there no structure? Where all groups have equal knowledge on what categories and criteria they can rack up the points in? This is in contrast to getting chided for irrelevant props, garishly neon costumes, non-ability to transcend through different music and dance types. Weren't they all told? That these were sumsort what would take them through the competition? Or did everyone just go in blind?

For a more personal take on this competition, keling kween defends her NUS Vidiyal HERE.

Thaipusam 2007 Unveiled

2007-02-18T17:55:00.000+08:00

In stark contrast with the previous year, I found myself standing like a tourist on the outside of Dhoby Ghaut station attempting to catch the fanfare of Thaipusam this year. That I retired early into the night to sip a few beers at Prinsep while still keeping an eye on the festivities, you don't need to know. The general feel of this year was that it was quite quiet and it seemed as though a less than normal number of kavadis actually went out. In actual fact, all tickets were sold out. Apparently, everyone was aiming for the first light set off and the last batch set off.

The first group for apparently logical reasons: Beating crowds, morning basking sun, ability to rush off to other commitments or viewing other kavadis later. The later group for much more obvious reasons: Take at night and the whole world watches you.

The KLKillahs didn't go out on an all exclusive picture and video taking trip this time around preferring instead to collate every individuals' take on the event.

First up, we have our "I attend every single Hindu festival because I live in Tekka" boy, Praba. His yearly kavadi ritual is well documented in pictures and his piercing vid over HERE. The Girl too pitched in with her videos on an Urumi Mellam group. Also managing to catch on tape, a drunk man calling out for divine intervention [possibly for his hangover] near the end of the second clip. View them now.

MystiKal went all out on a digicam riot even needing to stop halfway thru the day to go get the damn batteries charged. His 100+ collection was too large to upload over here and so you will have to get to it through his Flickr photostream. Even our KLKlan based in Sungai Petani, Kedah, Ghost Particle got into the action with this photo post, HERE.

Not to be outdone, my V3i came in useful catching the reason why we love this festival. The illegal bongo beaters of course.

All other videos on Thaipusam 2007 Singapore not taken by us: HERE

But then again, this event has been at the heat of arguments since the 1960s. There seems to be no one year where there was unanimous agreement that the event was run superbly and everyone who took part in it went home feeling like a million bucks. Drawing from a hot discussion on a Singapore Indian related Yahoo Group. We see, two Singaporeans giving their 15.75 paise worth on the event this year.

1) Road closure route

Especially the one from Tank Road back to Perumal Temple: There are many people, followers & supporters who may want to go back to Perumal Temple again or half-way back to support or follow another Kavadi. But in order to do so, we hv to really make a big round which is not practical & it is really tiring, especially those family with kids & older people. Why can't they do something to allow both to & fro in the same route. As I mention above, it's a once a year event & we may want to support more than one kavadi. Thus, it will be good if the Mgmt look into the route to make it a more flexible & a pleasure one for everyone & of course by not causing any disturbance or jam in the procession.

2) Alcohol & Cigarette

All of us are aware that this is a religious festival which involves great devotion. Therefore, a major restriction that we shd really bring about is to prohibit anyone with beer or cigarette in their hand or anyone who is drunk to follow any Kavadis. Either they hv to dispose it immediately or stop them from following... I know its quite difficult to bring about such a law..., but to see such disrespectful scenes from our own people is really very annoying & humiliating.... it gives a bad impression on our religion, especially among the other religion. Even my Chinese colleagues knew that our fasting & the procession involves a lot of devotion, eg. strict vegetarian, NO alcohol, NO sex, NO unnecessary pleasures, etc... So what will the crowd (whether it is S'pore or Malaysia...) which consist of other races & religion will feel about our religion when they see such scenes from our Hindus - its very embarrassing & unsightly!!! Though it may involve a great effort to bring about such a restriction or law, but it will be greatly applauded by many.

3) Play devotional songs/music

It will be good to play devotional songs/music continuously without any break (from Perumal Temple to Tank Rd Temple - all the way). Some Kavadis seems to be walking very quietly through out the procession. By having music all the way, devotees are kept in HIGH spirit and it also creates the religious mood in everyone.

And the second dude:

I m totally disappointed with the volunteers @ the temples. They dun seem to be sure of their duties n think they have ultimate rights over everything n everybody. One incident occurred btw the volunteers n public where ppl were asked to leave the area to the right of sanctum(facing) as it was out of bounds to public. One thing the area was open to the public as no barriers were placed n no indications of of restrictions for public. But the volunteers actually brought their family members to that area to easily stand ard n view the kavadis. When questioned one of the volunteer even mentioned they were voluntary. It is shocking to see a little child, babies n very old people were volunteers! Furthermore, i myself have served in many temples n organizations as a member or volunteer which demands our on the ball initiative n action in carrying out duties. First time, i see volunteers dressed like brides n grooms and standing around doing nth when the temple is in need of sincere help. Volunteering is not a privilege but a responsibility. These roles have to be carefully allotted for proper running of the sacred event.

Interestingly enough, our very own Keling Kween was a volunteer this year stationed at Tank Road temple. Amidst dealing with plastic bags and cat calling ahem.. "devotees", she lets fly at those who think volunteers are just faggots with an official pass. Read about it HERE.

I leave you with just some final questions of my own:

1. On the final stretch, to open up more than one lane to the kavadi procession, will it cost us a few million dollars? It's quite stupid to see a 3 lane roadway being contained to just one and then expecting a smooth flow from the already tired of human traffic jam devotees.

2. Why do some tertiary student volunteers look like they have a stick up their arse? Is it protocol to lean over railings to "sight adikiraan" whatever chick takes their fancy? What's with the Maharaja suit looking high fashion jippas? Fashion parade?

3. Is the ban on musical instruments, i.e. not musical group related on or off? What IS the issue with it really? Can't handle the loud noise? Possible weapons? That's what adds to the entire flavour of it all man. And when was the last time two groups actually clashed in the middle of the procession? NEVER?

Photo credits: Beggs, E-Chan, Mystikalsel

thaipusam 2007, singapore, hindu
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Thirukkural : A Guide to Effective Living

2007-02-13T20:58:00.000+08:00

It's about time we slotted in some education for all youse haywire makkehs. How much humour can you take anyway? Yes, I'm sure you steal our jokes and forward them on as your own. Like how Praba got plagiarized recently, read about it HERE.

Well, cut it out. It's really not funny. Credit the proper individuals or get the fuck outa here. Consider this the KLKillah friendly warning. We do scripting and nuking as often as we eat char siew mee pok dry extra chilli add mee add sausage add luncheon meat.

That aside, anyone who has gone through the education system here will know the value of memorizing fifty or so Thirukkurals to supplement your Tamil essays. These are the two liners that get you the pretty red tick and added credit.

Instead of blindly just knowing random lines, it's really much more effective knowing how to apply such stuff to daily life. Which is of course something all our teachers miss out on impressing upon us. A local author though has written Thirukkural : A Guide to Effective Living and it's also stocked up at the National Library.

The book was launched in January at MDIS with Tharman Shanmugaratnam, Minister for Education & 2nd Minister for Finance as the GOH. The book is also proudly supported by Tamils' Representative Council [TRC].

So, do have a read. If not to broaden your knowledge, at least for brain fodder the next time you need to pick up a Tamil teacher for Valentine's.

Udukkai izhandhavan kai polae aangae
idukkan kalaivadham natpu

As swiftly as the hand moves to seize a slipping garment,
Friendship acts to assuage a friend's distress

Couplet 788

Pictorial Phucks

2007-02-13T15:46:00.000+08:00

Ever wanted to just say something to someone but never found the time [cos your kakis are waiting at the coffeeshop], never found the money [each sms is like 5 cents] and never got over the lethargy?

Fret not. Grab one of these pics. Attach a few choice words of depravity and let loose electronically. Another "pleasant" service brought to you by the KLKillahs.

Canine model posing on the outside of Saravana Bhavan. Graphic work kindly provided by Div. .

KLK Exclusive: 7112 Shalini

2007-02-12T11:56:00.000+08:00

The O level results were out last Friday and throughout the island resounded the KLKries of O level graduates who either screamed in joy or groaned in horror [or who just wore too tight underwear in attempting to out-civvie the next dyed hair bloke], depending on the number of points they scored.

Keling Killahs fought through the thronging teens and caught up with one Yindian graduate, Shalini Sukumaran, who scored 7 A1s and 1 A2. The interview transcript is as follows:

KLK: So why the hell couldn't you just get straight As? What was the first thing your parents said when you told them your blemished score?

SS: What was the A2 for? Ha ha, in fact that's the question everybody asked me when I told them my results. It was for English Lit, so now you know.

KLK: They must have been pretty disappointed with your literary skills. You should have taken lessons from us. Walk us through the day you shamefully returned home with an A2.

SS: Well, in my school they made us all sit in the hall for about an hour, while they went through all the stats, like how we scored this year compared to last year, how many passes, how many fails etc etc. We were all so nervous, we hardly even listened to all that stuff.

KLK: Bloody inattentive A.D.D. kids. And then?

Then, they flashed the first powerpoint slide with all the 6 pointers, and I felt kinda disappointed my name wasn't in it. But on the second slide, my name was there, about half way down.

KLK: Kiasu we see. It's pretty obvious to us the list was in alphabetical order. But never mind that, what was your response?

SS: Oh, I just sat there and cried for about 10 minutes. It was a very emo moment lah, all your friends congratulating you, and all. Quite surreal.

KLK: Are you sure they were congratulating you and not going "Curses, **#$!#$**". So here is the "Kaun Banega Crorepati" question - who did you have to pay off to get these grades? You know, tell us about the hard work you put in sourcing targets for your "maamul".

SS: Lots and lots and lots of hard work. I started preparing for my Os right after my Sec 3 final exams. Yah, ha ha (laughs at shocked look on our faces), but I had to. There was a lot to cover. [After the editor's sec 3 exams, he was in fact hauled up to detention class because he still owed them 4 hours of standing at senang diri and staring into an oak panelled wall]

KLK: And obviously it paid [pun intended] off. So do you have any advice for all the KLKlanites who are sitting for Os this year?

SS: Advice ah? Do your work, even if its stupid repetitive rubbish. Full steam especially between Prelims and Os. [I have tons to say about the word "full steam" but yeah, NC16 it is]

KLK: So you didn't have any fun at all? Didn't spend hours upon hours skiving with your special "someone" at the malls?

SS: Sure got lah. But I cut down on my MSN and surfing time. Its amazing how much extra time that gives you. [Yes, of course, by special someone we meant your IMac]

KLK: Ok, we're done with you. Need bus fare to get home? Thanks Shalini for the chat. Where you running off to?

SS: Probably try and do it [7 A1s and an A2] again for A's. Which means I have to start right... about... now!

KLK: Right, you get right to that while we proceed to the nearest 7-11 and show you how essential a King Roberts is to us celebrating your good marks. Cheers to that la brudda.

Ok. We're kidding. Big up to Shalini. Laying it down KLK style. And don't forget to punt on "7112" on this week's three draws.

KLK Anger Management

2007-02-05T00:55:00.000+08:00

Edited from one of those chain e-mails that take turns to appear in your inbox and then your junk mail and then your inbox and then one fine day infecting you with a virus of the same namesake. This is the localized Yindian version, and is a good guide to whenever you need to "release stress". And we don't mean the massage parlour way.

When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know. Rather, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is Ravi. Could I please speak with Latha?"

Suddenly, a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fucking number!" and he hung up on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.

When I tracked down Latha's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "you're an asshole!" and hung up.I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic "asshole calling" would have to stop.

So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Tan from Singtel. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID Program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the NTUC , getting ready to pull into a parking spot. You know how the waiting game goes. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his back window which included his phone number, so I wrote down the number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole [I had his number on speed dial] I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is", he said.

"Can you tell me where I can see it?" I asked.

"Yes, I live at 34 Hillview Drive, just off the Dairy Farm exit. It's a yellow house, and the car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Muthu," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Muthu?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Muthu, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Muthu, you're an asshole!". Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.

Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.

I called asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" [But I didn't hang up.]

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Muthu."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 34 Hillview Drive, a yellow house, with my black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Muthu. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up. Then I called asshole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Hillview Drive, and that I was on my way over there to kill my gay lover and after that I'm gonna kill myself.

Then I called Channel News Asia about the drunk parang wielding jilted gay Yindian who caught his partner cottaging in a Little India public toilet on a Sunday heading down to Hillview Drive. I quickly got into my car and headed over to Hillview. I also called The New Paper knowing my Samsung phone was all but there for the taking.

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, a news crew and half the area's residents. And now I have a free phone.

NOW I feel much better.

Permanent Pottu

2007-02-01T12:46:00.000+08:00

All women no more fear. There is a way now to ensure you won't be widowed at a young age. And the solution is just over 3 dollars. Witness, the Yindian miracle.

ThaipusaMania

2007-01-31T19:38:00.000+08:00

Ok, it is upon us. The 2nd of the top 3 happenings of the Yindian KLKalendar. The festival of Thaipusam. Following top spot Deepavalli and a bigger event than closely tied third of Panguni and Thimithi.

We hope you have your spokes sharpened, your bolts tightened, your washers washing and your milk cartons safely ensconced within that 14 footer lorry you had to loan for the event. If you are aiming for a 12 am - 3 am departure, smart move. If you are doing the 6pm - 9 pm departure, good luck to you la brudda.

The KLKillahs may or may not be at one or both of the temples doing what we always do. Attending to KLKavadis, the single ones will be making eyes at KLKannu Kuttis and paying homage to the warrior of warriors, Karthikeyan.

As we might be busy with our various duties and ad hoc preparations, this is an appeal to all our KLKlanites to enjoy the marvels of documenting this important happening of the year by sending in photos and videos of the event. Put your digicams and video cams and phones to good use. Show us the glory and the numbnuts who spoil it for everyone. Be it an official or a devotee. We await your materials for a post-Thaipusam post.

Also, be on the lookout for our fellow KLKommunity members who insist on treating a holy event like their Halloween. Photos / Vids of these select entities are much desired and you will be credited accordingly in participating in your virgin KLKulling. A cash reward for the best photograph or video recording is also contemplated and we will let you know if the response is good enough. If however, you are a vendor of the privacy act and you in actual fact are afraid of getting caught in the act of being Photographer of the Year, do realize that most cameras have up to 8X zoom these days. Stay a safe distance and snap away.

Now, we close. And here's a shout-out to Praba to have a splendid procession tomorrow. Dance like you have happy feet my friend. I'll leave you with our very own KLKillah last year, and this year.

Vetri Vel Murugan Style
Surasamharam

thaipusam, singapore
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KLKustomers - Tekka Sunday Special

2007-01-29T13:04:00.000+08:00

This dual purpose post is to introduce a new playa in the field, MystiKal, and to also thank all our dear and loyal readers who take precious company time in order to visit us on a daily basis. Purely relying on my stats program, our viewers from Mecsb, MDA, BMC, IBM, Google, Drilmaco, 01 Computer System, Gulf Agency, SMU, National Healthcare Group, Singapore American School, Deutsche Bank and Spring Singapore, you are thanked. Do spend more time trawling through our archives, the world's economy can always wait but humour is never something you can be patient about.

My dad's got a shop in Tekka. Right next to Saravan Bhavan no kidding. It's supposed to be his 'hobby'. Orchid Pharmacare. Sells everything from condoms to ayurvedic stuff that makes u "lepaskan spring" without a sweat. Well i've been spending most of my Sundays rotting there. "Learning business" according to dad. Keeping him happy so i continue to get my allowance according to me.

Sundays are filled with 3 kindsa KLKustomers.

The Expatriate Families

Recently got reunited in SG and consider a full tiffin meal at Saravan Bhavan a 'Sunday Special' They have the entire extended family over as well. Two primary school aged children, u know.. the planned kids, and the lil dude.. the "accident" from when they were here last year without the oldies.

Roaming around the lane after stuffing themselves next door, the wife will walk in first, sometimes pretty hot stuff (hot Northie MILF dehh) making a beeline straight for the cosmetics section. Then the burping Dad and the rest. The kids start grabbing everything in sight and i've got to mentally catalogue what to put back in its place before MY dad gets to the shop.

The wife is taking every thing.. looking at it, turning it over and putting it back at the wrong place.. We have this cosmetic line called Shahnaz Hussain, they put gold in everything and i think its pretty popular in India. She starts gushing to the husband 'Oh, they have Shahnaz here!' And they basically comment on the shop having everything they want and after like 15 mins, the Dad walks up to me and goes "Do you have anything for gas?" this is like the cue i think, the oldies start going out first, smacking the heads of the kiddos running around asking them to get out.

It's like part of their afternoon, go to shop, buy a $1 dollar strip of meds that takes care of the heartburn from the "pukul mati" rice meal, enjoy the air-conditioning, treat the place like a museum and basically giving someone like me work to rearrange the mess they caused. KLKuality time these people spend. Not a cent more.

The Reluctant PRs

These guys I think nreally wish they were back in India. Looking for Indian Ayurvedic stuff and all those herbs 'Made In India'. They got their noses so far up their own asses they cant parallel park.

I dislike dealing with some of these people and you will see why. There are some pretty decent PRs over here, but when they go to shops, they are absolute nightmares.

"This costs 60 rupees?!? And you are selling it for $6 dollars?!?" [By exchange rate, 60 rupees = Approx. $2.40]

This is the most common comment, I usually let it slide. But when dad's around, God help the bugger. "Eh hello, then u go to India and buy ok? put it down, NO, i dont want to sell to you." It doesn't end there, the dude still goes on! And my dad is a pretty intimidating fella, no kidding. "What kind of shop is this!? Have u heard that customer is king?" then dad gives the KLKustomary punchline "This is my fucking shop, my fucking products and I'm fucking KING.. you get the fuck out before i call the police and charge you with criminal trespass!". [Editor's note: Technically, you can't charge anyone for trespass in a retail establishment unless you have stated clearly that you are only serving an exclusive clientèle]

Next up is the Info Digger. He functions like a KLKoogler. He walks into the shop like he knows wad he's doing, goes up to the staff, talks for half an hour about this particular medicine that we sell. After learning all there is to know about it and when we assume he's gonna buy it, he pulls out his plastic bag. He's got the very same product in it and he tells us straight in the face, "Mustafa is selling it for 50 cents less". Why do people insist in arguing with me over dumb things like why i cant give them prescription medicine whereas in India its available over the counter.

"You know, I'm actually a doctor in India, the GOVVVERNNMENT HHASSSpittal will give me the medicine and u cannot?!"

We have a pet phrase for these folks. The people who pay 1 Star prices and expect 5 Star treatment.

The Indian workers

The poor people most Singaporeans have grouses against [though most of the time through no fault of theirs].

Now i have a soft spot for them, cos they really are pretty hardworking ok. And I've heard thousands of sob stories, but that does not exclude them from this KLKustomer 'Sunday Special'. They come late evening.. (duh i know) wait till they've finished all vegetable shoppping, money put aside for black cat and red bull in the back alley, the remainder is left for the medicine. The most common case is fungal infection of the groin. [Usually caused by long hours in the same clothes drenched with sweat under the tropical sun]

Practically all of them have it! Just observe, they aint really putting their hands in their pockets to take anything or be cool, but to reach down and scratch their nuts. And they will come into the shop in groups of 5. Now these 5 are like a tribal council, one of them is the patient whose balls are on fire, but very likely they will give a story about one of their friends back in the work site suffering the ailment.

One is the critique, he will be convincing them to go see a doctor,that put soap will never be enough etc. The other is the financial control, he'll say its too expensive, most of the time because for some reason, even though the med is not for him, he pays for it. Maybe they got some sorta system worked out, like they take turns to pay for meds. and the 4th fella is the satisfied customer that recovered from HIS problem and brought the whole posse to the shop, the 5th is not part of the EXCO, just a Standard Member, so he agrees with everything everybody says, often muddling up everything.

Selling these dudes ANYTHING, you've got to convince all 5 of them. And that tube of cream u show them will be scrutinised upside down inside out for christ knows wad reasons. Living by the creed "Dont buy unless gonna die". No wonder the turnover is so high.

KLKustomers Tekka 'Sunday Special' has now concluded it's exclusive broadcast. In line with the gahmen's desire for higher standards of customer service, watch out for more Yindian shopper behavioural analysis in the coming months.

Thaipusam Garage Sale

2007-01-29T00:12:00.000+08:00

Well, we all know the 2nd hand market for kavadi frames is white hot this season. It should have ended right about now as everyone is preparing for some final assembly. The market for styrofoam, velvet, faux fur, mee siam trimmings, glitter and a motley crew of screws and washers also peaks at around this time every year.

We dusted off the dust from one of our vacuum sealed packets of long forgotten clothes and managed to unearth a rare find. This my friends, is a previously cared for, authentic Jazz Collezione silk shirt. Jazz is a fine boutique dedicated to dressing fine individuals usually of Yindian descent [next to the KFC in AMK Central]. In perfect condition, once you iron it right. No discolourations, no mould and will fit a size L loosely or a size XL snugly.

Don't delay. Yours for only this limited time only. Offer valid only till the eve of Thaipusam [Feb 1st] and will not be repeated till the next one. Don't miss your chance to own this relic of the late 1990s which many still parade around with reckless abandon.

Profess your Manithan Paathi Mirugam Paathi attributes. Just check out the fine detailing in the "lion head" buttons / cufflinks.

Best offer wins it. Self collect at a pre arranged venue. E-mail me if you want to be the fashion icon of this year's festival.

The Real Freedom

2007-01-26T17:08:00.000+08:00

It’s a sad day for any politically aware adult. The exclusive political climate of Singapore has never perturbed me as much as it has today. It’s time to re-examine freedom of speech(limited or otherwise) and evaluate its new boundaries. Somebody changed the status quo and forgot to tell me about it so lets take the civic-minded route and disseminate this to the general public.

Initially, the blogosphere excited me because I could air my views, leave redundant commentaries and generally whine in anonymity without having to obtain a permit from our friendly neighborhood police post. This seemed like the one medium relatively lacking in a system of checks and balances. My mind was swiftly changed when the Sedition Act was invoked in 2005 (on the Internet, no less). Imagine my horror when I read Keling Killahs today and realized that this system of checks and balances does not only stop at preventing heinous racial crimes.

“do u posess a degree in film and media studies? cos if u dont,or even f u do, u have no right to comment on the hard work and effort put in by those who know what they are doing.”

Readers please take note that from this moment onwards, it is only appropriate to pass constructive criticism or comments (yes even on the internet) if, I repeat IF you have a degree in the relevant field that you so choose to air your opinion about.

In fact you may only complain about the government if you have a political science degree. (Let me check and get back to you on whether honors is required to exercise the above mentioned right) Even then, we should not be so presumptuous as to assume that all aspects of the government falls under our jurisdiction of discernment or commentary.

What about if we want to complain about increasing GST or CPF schemes perhaps? It is imperative to possess an economics degree before we decide to make any pertinent (or not) statements regarding anything remotely economical in nature. Next time you so choose to complain about your neighborhood S11 mee goreng standard, please make sure you possess some sort of certification on culinary skills. (A bachelor's degree would give one most validation of course)

“and furthermore, u are as superficial as what u right about, and damn fucker you are as ugly as a beetroot and u go around commenting on other people. god was having a a bad day when he created u”

Forget about having entertaining, tongue-in-cheek, quasi-watchdog sites for the local media because apparently the minute you do, you are relegated to the lower classes of aesthetics. Apparently even God ( what about if ah_neh is atheist, the theory cancels out no?) suddenly thinks you’re ugly and somehow conveys this message to the person doing the checking and balancing. Paradigm shifts in internet freedom are really hard to catch up with. It seems like freedom of speech is not only a reflection of our political culture but providence’s mood swings as well. (By the way, I wonder if the enraged comment- watchdog possesses a degree in aesthetics appreciation.)

“so quit commenting on the local media industry and fucking get a life, or if u think u are capable of making great programes, then joing the damn industry and start making programmes,”

Copy that. Let me repeat one more time. You can ONLY comment on bad tasting mee goreng:

a) if you think you are capable of making better mee goreng

b) if you can supplement by becoming part of the mee goreng industry.

This of course is an analogy that applies to all aspects commented on or criticized about. “that u ur majesty feelis right for the viewing public. because u are nuthing but an asshole fill with hot air and waste” On an off-tangent note, why is it that human beings engage truism as insults? Doesn’t the human body contain waste at some point of time or another? (asshole..haha) It’s a sad day for biology enthusiasts as well but we’ll do biology in another post. So children remember, the internet is NOT a free agent or entity, not even partially as we all so naively believed. In fact divine disdain, relegation to ugliness and other such deserving punishments will befall the individual who so chooses to criticize or comment freely next time.

Now for the sake of the politically non-apathetic, exactly which part of the constitution propagating freedom of speech does this violation fall under?

On a more somber note, it seems like hell would freeze over before our people are ready for a real democracy. I remember the times where I may or may not have held the powers that be responsible for this phenomenon of stifling. Now I realize that it is the individuals (however marginal) that make up our civilized (heh) society that are essentially responsible to this.

With people actually coming right out to tell you NOT to make a comment because you have no RIGHT to, it is safe to withdraw civilized as a prefix to society. We have to quell our inner liberalists because even when our rights have been clearly demarcated, there will inevitably be morons who will come and tell you to NOT make comments. I wonder how long it will take for the Indian society AS A WHOLE to attain political maturity.

Editor's Note:

I am shocked. Where did this woman drop out from? Linguists' Lodge? I take this opportunity to welcome Nethia, the newest KLKlanite into the fray. Expect more thought provocation in her later editions. [I believe she promised biology next] Eccentrics beware, deviations from normal behaviour only make you abnormal and not logical orators. On a personal note, maybe the detractors would be so kind as to start up their own site extolling the virtues of local TV. Perhaps that would keep your eyes off the filth, we depraved souls write here.

freedom of speech, singapore, internet
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SI Podcast: Episode 1

2007-01-25T12:34:00.000+08:00

Our friends from SingaporeIndians.com have come up with the inaugural Tamil podcast in Singapore. This first episode is a KLKlassic parody of every Yindian's dream friendship, Deva-Surya in Thalapathi.

A good way to brush up on your anjadi language, which is basically Tamil, Malay and Madras slang interspersed into everyday speech. Because it's much cooler saying "mesti" than well we can't even find a Tamil equivalent in 2 syllables.

Do leave your comments, lollu or jollu at their webpage. And a big up to Sugmad, our avid reader who had a large part to play in this launch.

Download Link [right click, save target as]

singapore, tamil, podcast
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Feb 07 Featured Blog: Route 79

2007-01-24T13:00:00.000+08:00

Featured Blog of the week: Route 79 - Reflections on a bus journey home

This blog belongs to a Punjabi couple living in the UK, and how they try to retain semblances of their Indian heritage, mainly through food and contacts with other displaced Indians all over the globe.

The best things about this blog:

1. Food galore

Pan right and you will see a looooong column with a list of recipes from the humble aloo gobi to the tantalising Rogan Ghosh. They have recipes that span the entire Indian continent. And every recipe comes with clear and concise pictorial instructions, so even if you have never been in a kitchen, you can follow along quite easily without burning the kitchen down. If you, like me, love to eat, but don't have the cooking thing together, then you can just drool over the pictures.

2. Global Recognition

They were voted in the Weblog Awards 2006 in the best UK blog category. And the only Asian/ British blog to be voted in.

3. Nitty Gritty

All the little tidbits of gossip, irritation and joys about living in a foreign country (foreign to us, anyway). From posts as mundane as queueing for the ATM to murder and mystery. There is also a record of all the kitsch Indian culture that Britain has acquired along with her colonial migrants, like this bus.

4. The Astounding Blogroll

Route 79 is apparently linked to every Indian blogger in the UK, so when you finally get past the 1000+ posts in this blog, you won’t run out of reading material, and you can just start all over again with your favourites.

The Featured Blog of the Month series will be an ongoing one helmed by the "recently won a digicam in my company D n D" Nal and the link will be placed on the sidebar under the column, Nal: The N Word, your blogroll for all things worth our stamp of KLKuality.

Dhool 4th Quarter Finals

2007-01-23T19:03:00.000+08:00

Emcees

So, that's Vishnu and Vimala for you. One a perpetually "shaded" compere and one doing a radio crossover. What's that mean? That there aren't enough talents in the TV circles that they have to uproot a radio personality? Or just that they think her voice and following is there for the taking? Whatever the case the V1/V2 combo is just that. Just B1 and B2 tumbling down the stairs.

In this episode, V2 sports a hairstyle that I'm sure would have had rave reviews had she being a test subject for America's Next Top Hair-Butcher. Imagine a teddy bear, named "Cuddles", given to your 3 year old niece, with Mattel's brand new in time for Chrissy hairstyling kit. There you have it. An Iban haircut [they literally take a half of a coconut shell and shave around the circumference] meets 2006.

However, apart from the superficial, they do make a good hosting pair. As long as V2 is the one getting whipped. We couldn't bring ourselves to fathom the day when V2 would be the one "jacking" her co-host. That's like the poly nerd losing his virginity before the rest of the batch got around to it, totally unthinkable.

Comedy Skit

This time, we meet an earnest director who has the best flick in the world and his sycophant interviewer. After the hero and villain climbed the ladder taking "risks never taken before", all we were wishing for was a KLKlassic TLC [Table Ladder Chair] match. Perhaps a few pints of blood loss and perhaps a championship belt to aim for.

On an off note, you know all those singular singers who come up to perform? Accompanied by a coupla dancers? This is common and understandable because I for one would not be paying much attention to a solo singer just swinging hips and miming pre recorded tracks if not for them. But this time around, to the melodious song "Oru Naal", there was one male singer, and there was just one other female. Basically she was attempting to break the world record on how many different steps she could muster within a 2 by 2 metre square without uttering a single word. What's this about? God-like adoration for the songster?

Without further ado, lets get to the groups who carried the show:

Generation I

Gen I gave us the retro Super Police song coupled with all the memories it brings along from the days when we still thought that Kollywood stars were sitting on Mt. Olympus. Everybody now, "Anbulla nanban super police.."

There was a very good movement interchanging between the 4 boys and girls. Almost telepathic with what the judges asked for last week as opposed to all 8 members doing the exact same step in sync. Kept our eyes glued to the various pairs and definitely gave every single member the TV recognition they had come up to receive.

Triadic

When you heard Yogi B, you must have thought, these guys better do justice to the song. And they did just that. Da Hip Hop era hath dawned. Nuff said. Good things come in small packages. Especially packages that have the right amount of spunk, chutz pah and stage presence to carry it off.

Tridiac made you like them from the start with P.Diddy-esque costumes and their opening robo-man sequence. After a solid display of hippity hop, they went on to adorn masks that just added to their ingenuity and mysteriousness.

Sensors 11

Sensors also did put up a solid show. The beat of their song was infectious. Even though, 8 people doing the same step on the same platform would have bored the learned viewer in a while, there was something about Sensors that got us paying attention.

Borders 1:59

Borderz are another of the much favoured entrants in the tourney. And they didn't dissapoint. In fact, Borderz managed to pull off their performance with such foresight with regards to the judges' previous comments that you might have suspected a leak to the scale of the Watergate Scandal.

The theme was military. So, they got themselves army fatigues. [though it really looked like KGB era Russian Colonel's uniforms] Their dance steps incorporated military movements too which was an added plus. Anyone who has gone through BMT and not MC-ed their way out of the Battle Innoculation Course would definitely have spotted the similarity of a few of their steps, especially the backward crawling under barbed wire stint we had to pull off back in Tekong.

Synchronix

Synchronix told us their name was so because they're never out of sync, never miss a beat or a step. But yet, their performance didnt really tally with that.

The opening scene saw the Devil on his throne, a coupla minions and an "Om Shanthi Om" chant. Utter irony. Yet, once the song commenced proper, this same theme wasn't really carried out to full effect or they would have definitely been on par with the other groups who had graced the stage before them.

Footnote: The left front girl either didn't know what she was doing or harbouring a helluva lotta pain and constipation. We suggest 2 aspirins and 8 hours of rest.

Judgement

Tridiac and Borderz 1:59 were the victors this time around. Like a carbon copy replay of last week's results, the popular ones are through on their own merit again. So, the fickle but very opinionated Yindian public aint THAT wrong with their seasonal likes / dislikes are they?

Perhaps the judge's comments would do much use to the future stages of this competition. They remarked that tonight there were relevant props and good choreography. What they didn't like was the constant PVC based, fluorescent burn-a-hole-in-your-retina colours of the costumes.

Selva thinks that baggy pants is definitely out. So, would you mind letting the major French and Italian designers know that they shouldn't design any for the upcoming Summer '07 Collections?

dhool, vasantham central, singapore, dance
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Dhool 3rd Quarter Finals

2007-01-22T13:38:00.000+08:00

Now, we start our episode recap of course with the initial introduction of the esteemed judges. Credit to Dhool, all 3 do have the credibility and qualifications necessary to make an informed judgment on the aspiring talents.

The Cultural One

Lavanya Balachandran - The one and only 'Naattiya Vishaarath', her talents range onto fusion dances and has a reputation no one can refute. She lends the cultural element to this competition focussing on coordination, steps and fluidity.

The Street Wise One

Sri Devy Viju - You know her through Om Kar, her dance group. A teacher-dancer-performer, she provides the street edge to the competition as she has seen it all in the realm of dance groups, those populating the CC shows, external open-to-all competitions and officiated ones. A boon to the "moulded" style of dance groups these days as she is quite aware where they're coming from and what their roots are.

The Why-Him? One

Ganesan Selvanathan - They [producers/emcee] call him "A Man with Multiple Faces. A Writer, a Director, a Host, a Presenter, an Actor and moreover, an excellent Dancer. Has been acting for 18 years". We think he just shouldn't be here. It seems like Selva is all ready to slide in to the role of being the Yindian Gurmit Singh, multi-roled, multi-platinum, multi-ple personality disorder.

You know who he is when he flashes his signature "L" sign at the cameras when he's introduced. Why L? The sign that signifies the mocking "Loser"? L aint even part of his initials? What is it all about? We suspect a conspiracy theory and with our great luck, it can only get worse. Selva is here to play the metrosexual, "Oh, that's just not rightttttttt" role, cooing over song selections, costume garishness and oozing of attitude. If you ask us, we quote him, "I didn't like it!".

So, we can begin competition highlights proper. It's the 3rd Quarters and 6 groups have already left after their complimentary 15 minutes of google box fame. The other 4 have the privilege of a long rest till we view the semis which are live telecasts, starting on 4th February.

Doverites Unleashed

Doverites [any relation to ITE Dover?] gave us their take on Ailasa Ailasa from "Naam Iruvar Namakku Iruvar". It wasn't a performance that got you on the edge of your seats. More so, they clearly looked like the show openers before the main bombs fell. The sultry Meena of course, back in the days when she used to be a Kollywood sex bomb probably can't be beat in pushing this song to the masses. This was slightly after the days she actually acted alongside people her age and slightly before the days she decided to act with heroes who were as old as her great grandpop.

Brings back to memories the days of New Crown theatre in Ang Mo Kio central [now a pool parlour cum arcade joint], where 2 tickets are bought, the backdoor that conveniently is at the ground floor is slightly pushed open and all 25 of us get to enjoy a movie at the expense of the theatre operators. This continued for quite some years till nosy Yindian, there's-no-such-thing as a free lunch "families" decided to call the cops on us. Needless to say, great times.

Venomouz

Venomouz, or however the name is meant to be spelled, lacked venom. Actually waiting for some veritable performance to arise, what we got to see was the toothless slithering of a few grass snakes across half the expanse of the stage.

Made up of clearly 14-16 year olds [by face, we didn't manage ot get our hands on their application forms] in push ups, sphagettis and "look at me! I'm on tv!" looks, we rue the day they graced our screens. How long did it take them to come up with these magnificently shoddy, "complex" and "acrobatic" sequences? For a moment there, some of us were whisked back to secondary school All Arts Competitions of cheesy steps and zero continuity.

Not to mention, legend has it that this group is ACTUALLY 4 girls and a boy as opposed to popular belief that there were 5 women.

Acidhouz

To say that Acidhouz didn't have a good chance to be through all the way to the grand finals would be to commit holy sacrilege for some. They came in to the tourney as one of the established powerhouses in the amateur dance group scene and rarely have they failed to wow.

Costumes, music, fluid movements. The judges were swayed. We were too. Housa House. Not to mention the screaming entourage of groupies that populated the auditorium. Men included. Now why men would be so vocal for other men, is a question best asked to those who literally leapt out of their seats with whistles and shout outs every time the name of the group was even allegedly mentioned.

Zapperz

Zapperz attempted to work the MGR angle on us and succeeded but for only the introduction of the song sequence. After that, the intrigue of what they could do related to the MGR era was quickly diffused to display tried and tested steps and routines. Still, anyone MGR related has a pretty good business opportunity being the mainstay at Naetru Indru Naalai, the only "retro-er than retro" pub hidden in Tekka.

SPX

SPX are also traditional powerhouses in the same vein as Acidhouz. You'd only need to attend external dance comps to check out their following and their level of talent. Pink costumes were definitely a welcome change from the usual eye blinding greens and yellows. Maybe, this pleasing on the eye colour combi did subconsciously make us want to like this group from the very start. A classy, slow beat to fast beat performance.

Comedy Skits

An added plus point was the introduction of comedy skits to while away time and to provide another facet of Yindian entertainment. I mean, who else but groupies can sit through 1.5 hours of pure dance and just that. Dhool delivered 2 youthful comedians to us. The writing of their script impressed more than the actual delivery. But does it matter? As long as you feel buzzed with a little laugh at the end of it all, it was a good one.

At times it was more interesting checking out crowd reactions or spotting your long lost teh tarik mate with "Oh, what was that?, his 5th girlfriend since you've known him since last Panguni?" then watching the actual skit. Still, a veritable performance by Guna [of Vasantham drama fame] and Vicky [of Planet Galatta fame]. An unlikely bed-couple it would seem at the start, still they manage to salvage it all with a few chosen expressions and repartees that got people clutching their tummies to stop laughing out loud.

Results

After all that was sung and danced, it was the judges who had to throw the towel in for 3 of the groups. If this episode was offered up for bets at Ladbrokes, I damn well could have increased my balance ten fold. SPX and Acidhouz are through. Any surprises? No. The results are not shocking not in that favoured popular groups should go through, rather, none of the other 3 even came close to knocking them off their perch. So the falcons fly to the semis.

The judges' take on dramatics was very interesting. There was a short tete a tete between the 3 middlemen on the various props used and the drama-esque element the groups lend to their dance routines. Unsuprisingly, Lavanya and Selva were on the "What's the point of props when it doesn't aid the dance? When it doesn't follow the theme of the song?". This is where Sri Devy serves to level the playing field because if any observer of external dance compeitions would have realized, props [some there just for decorative and aesthetic purposes] in recent years have been permanent fixtures on the stage space. In fact, in certain comps, props by itself has a seperate category of points allocated in judging the winner.

Still, their point is pertinent. But of course, what we DON'T want is for groups to dance to "mazhai vazhuthu mazhai vazhutu kudai kondu vaa" in raincoats, wellingtons and oversized brollies. At the end of the day, we Yindians are garish, extroverted in design and flamboyant. Let us be, it'll serve for better entertainment.

dhool, vasantham central, singapore, dance
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Dhool Auditions Etc.

2007-01-21T13:16:00.000+08:00

Now before episode proper, maybe we should delve into the workings of this said tournament of "Happy Feet"-ers. Resource being Dhool's official website. But before that we'd like to extend a hearty "Approm mike" to our readers from India who chance upon the KLKillahs with the most extraordinary search terms. "Sex abuse about actress Ranjitha" and "Secretly caught sexy & naked pictures of actress Namitha" being our favourite referrals.

Credit to Megastar's production team, the website is more frequently updated than any other Yindian media related site. It's easy to know how far the competition has progressed, the victors of the various stages and even which episodes have already been pre-recorded just awaiting their telly launch.

It all kicked off with the auditions held at Woodlands Library on 11th Nov. Pity though that the number of seats available didn't suffice to accomodate the massive crowd wanting a piece of the action. Some, to provide genuine support, others in fact awaiting a mass sighting of Yindian females they otherwise wouldn't have laid eyes on till Thaipusam in February. The KLKillahs of course had first grabs and we went on to see what the feeding frenzy was all about. Apart from the $10,000 top prize, vouchers and temporary fame amongst the indomitable and never extinct dance groupies.

These were some of the footage we manged to salvage off the net for your perusal.

NUS VIDIYAL

ZAPPERZ

ACIDHOUZ

With everything said and done, points computed, suspense lifted, 30 groups emerged as the pathfinders to that 10K cheque. Divided by a maximum of 8, it should garner $1250 for all those dance hours, costume selection and transport too and fro. They were:

AGNI RELOADED GENERATION-I M.O.A. BORDERS 159 J SQUAD SENSORS 11 RK JUNIORS SYNCHRONIX ENTERTAINERS GENRIX TP NUS VIDIYAL KALI DANCERS STEPZ NICKEASH PRODUCTIONS AARTHIZ SAINTS 101 INSANE IMMORTALS UNLIMITED.COM CYPRUS X KARNA DANCERS DIVERSITY SPX DANCERS INC. ACID HOUZ X-TRINESHA ZAPPERS ANARCHY 99 DOVERITES UNLEASHED NIVIKTRAZ TRANZITIONZ VENOUMOUZ TRIDIAC

Superstition got the better of us and we have still been banking on different permutations of 159 / 11 / 101 / 99 to earn us at least a consolation prize in all 3 4D draws weekly. This obsession with the letters "X" and "Z" are still unfathomable. There is no scientific explanation as of yet as to why Yindians would rather substitute an "S" with a "Z". Anarchy 99 brilliantly misled the masses but not imdb addicts like us who quite recall that Vin Diesel infiltrates Anarchy 99 in the flick "XXX".

The 1st and 2nd Quarters saw the bumping up of M.O.A., Genrix-TP, Nickeash and Kali Dancers to the semis. This means that Agni Reloaded, J-Squad, R.K. Juniors, Saintz 101, Unlimited.com and Karna Dancers were on the early bus home. The only 2 vids we found online:

As said earlier, didn't catch them, so no reviews for now. Await the beginning of our coverage in the next post, on the 3rd Quarters.

dhool vasantham central singapore dance
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Blurt

2007-01-21T11:09:00.000+08:00

Good day all. It is now the 21st of January. Approximately 6 weeks since our en-masse dissapearance. Yes, you would have caught glimpses of us out at town, at the clubs or even at your pasar (malam) depending on your geographical location. The answer is purely simple if you were still pondering as to this sudden but drastic act of fade to black. I just couldn't be bothered.

Our frenzied coverage of the Miss Vasantham saga; the word "saga" is used as opposed to "show" as that's exactly what it looked like; earned us many a click. Some age old vengeance of an aging production team on how best to inflict emotional and visual trauma on its loyal, "too broke to order Vijay TV" patrons.

And during this riotous period, there were many shout outs for us to go "fuck ourselves" [still haven't done that yet], "get a life" [apparently the MDA doesn't allow corpses to blog either, they're in the same category as communists] and to "go get a job if you have too much time" [finally an achievable goal]. So, we got off our nice cushy OSIM armchairs, although with that pelvic massage function, multiple orgasms are once again no more a myth, and got a paying job. That we got paid "peanuts" is not the issue here. We don't expect getting a job to be anything more than chope-ing prime seats at the Long Bar at the Raffles, sipping on our Singapore Slings and drumming Surangani when we are in the mood to. Getting paid for that is quite rewarding, peanuts or not.Thanks for the suggestion.

On a tangent, have you got Vijay TV yet? When you do, be prepared to be refreshed by solid programming, non-boring mega serials and a slew of other varied and interesting programs like Hutch's Kalakka Povathu Champions 2. This is a prime example of how comedy should be attempted in Tamil. Notwithstanding the tried and tested mimicry of MGR / Sivaji Ganesan / Rajini / Vijaykanth, the comedians featured come up with KLKomedic concepts to blow your mind week in week out.

I tend to get distracted when heaving praise on something. Forgive me. I tend to be a more focussed raving lunatic under the influence of a crate of Changs [though Singha seems a tad more economical].

So, I'm back. I don't know about the rest. From what I know one is an aspiring Naatiya Mayuri 2007, another has shifted houses soo many times he got his PR status revoked, one's in the midst of a hair lice discussion and yet another flew off to combat the forest fires in Antarctica. Tundras are forests too. In a way.

Perhaps the greatest factor that made me swing back into actually opening my browser had to be the utter lack of pertinent information in the Singaporean blogosphere. I found it a tad perturbing that while many had millions of opinions to voice regarding Sun TV mega serials and the just ended Jodi Number 1 season, no one really gave much thought about enlightening non viewers on the happenings on local channels.

Granted most of us watch Adimai and remark "So ... you mean to tell me ... that girl chased up some heroin ... cos ... that's the only way she could get to see her dead father? ". You'd also tune in religiously to the Saturday night movie on the off chance no one decides to ask you out since the last time they did so, they ended up with three quarters of your dinner flooding their Doc Martens after just your 3rd tequila shot. And there's the new reality, come show me what you got, mega prized competition called Dhool.

There's been soo much talk about this and even we had a slight itch to post up inside-sourced info from time to time since the inception of said TV event. But, if you were a zero-time viewer, just by trawling the internet you would have close to no idea what the 1 1/2 hour programme was actually about. You might walk away thinking it was some kinda fashion show or worse still just a platform for the audience to see how long they can milk the various cameramans' attention. Some of the fine examples I managed to dredge up :

Guess the Dhool 2006/7 is coming on well, i think finally we hve some good judges who are suitable for da show... which is a dance show... N their judgement has been sensible ..Critical to some... but den again champions arent those who respond to sheer praises but those who respond n react to their harshest critics... Its something i personally hve learnt during da course of time ... One thing dat really irritates the shit outta me .. is when some punk shouts at the top of his/her voice n gives everyone a heartattack... I noe its all in da name of supporting ur fav group wadsoever.. For stupid small reason ..u hear an irritating loud shrill ..Even when one of the group members raise his/her leg ... someone shouts... n if theres someone in da group whos hot as a group of pple would refer to.. u can imagine ... So pls shut the fuck up n support ur fav groups in a more civilised manner ... One thing i would like to say is dat whether those performing hve been good or bad.. u got to respect them for the effort they hve put in n hving the guts to perfom in front of so many pple .. Cheers..

It was a rather packed day for me. Went to the temple early in the morning with the whole family, then went over to Aunt Saroja's house and then off to Dhool 2006 last 2 Qtrs. It was fantabulous!!! Stepz was superbly WOW and so was NUS. They were rather unique. It is NUS! Waddaya expect right?

Diversity was good too! They were so sexy. They are the true epitome of girl power! woo hoo! For the 2nd half of the quarters we were actually supporting Xtrinesha, Kamini's brother Shawn. They did pretty well and the song was damn nice. It was not fair for groups who have dance on television before as they already have fame, and also, it would not be fair to the other. The judges might tend to be biased towards the teams who have already appeared on tv. cos if they dont get chosen, it might be an embarrassing thing for them right?? Oh well, when has life ever been fair. But i really dont think anarchy 99 deserved it. Not because im being biased towards xtrinesha. I felt like moving along with them when i watched their dance whereas for anarchy 99, it was kinda boring for me.

Also went for Dhool... kind of hid my face when the camera took my direction!!! haha... we were all pink... supporting SPX... THE BEST IS ALWAYS THE BEST; AND SPX IS THE BEST... they ARE the best and Definetly WILL be the WINNER... They are second to none... well then comes the rest...

Watched Dhool 2! YEAH! MOA got in the semi-finals round! Sadly, Agni-Reloaded was not in... The guys in the dance group, are cute and quite good-looking! sigh! TP generix got in! Congrats to Sara... Saw you dancing!

Bored yet? The first Dhool draft that was supposed to get published is still sleeping in the drafts, it was penned on 27th November 2006. Since then 5 quarterfinals have come and gone. I believe we'll be watching the last one later tonight to set the stage for the semis.

Without further ado, I'll give you my take on the past 3 quarters that I actually watched. It may be ancient history but compared to anything quoted further up this post, I think my picture is clearer. HD capable.

KLKillahs have also embarked on a "No Gloom - Buy Blooms" intiative. Click on below graphic to send you on your way to your first date since you turned 26. We can't help you get laid on Valentine's but what we CAN do is help you tell her you've been wanting to since the day you switched to "Anonymous" and bookmarked her Friendster profile. But seriously, FREE delivery, DIRT CHEAP pricing and KLKuality chop-seal-guaranteed.

V-DAY FLOWER DEALS!

Hypocrisy of Age

2007-01-09T15:24:00.000+08:00

Someone obviously found the Fountain of Youth up in the Himalayas. Observe, some computer generated simulations of time and age on your superstars.

Tendulkar

Hrithik

Sharukh

Thalaivar

Disclaimer: I is Rajini fan.

sachin tendulkar, sharukh khan, rajinikanth, hrithik roshan
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Scandal Tres

2006-12-13T22:29:00.000+08:00

Written to a group in Yahoo populated by Singapore Indians who are all in one-mind about the progress and maintenance of the Tamil language:

Oli 96.8 used to play tamil devotional songs in the past. However, this program was stopped abruptly without any reasons. However, they are still having islamic songs & talks twice a week and Christian songs & sermon on Sunday mornings.

I wrote in to Oli Dxxxx twice and did not get a satisfactory reply. I sent the email to the CEO of mediacorp Lucas Chow however he was out of office. Finally the Vice President Ms Sandra Chan replied that it was done according to the govt guidelines.

I wish to garner support in asking Oli to play tamil devotional songs like in the past. Inside news revealed that it was due to the pressure of the xxxxxxx xxxxx who pressurized the station to reduce the broadcasting of tamil devotional songs and the station reduced their broadcast and eventually removed the entire slot.

I strongly feel that the radio should play tamil devotional songs since they doing so for the ethinic groups. I am seriously not buying Sandra's reason. The media who should be advocating the need and passion for language are failing in their duties. Vasantham Central is the classic example, I don't wish Oli 96.8 to follow suit.

I am at a loss now. Would you be able to help me? We are already losing our foothold slowly here. If we do not voice out now, Tamilians will lose our voices forever.

I have attached the string of emails to Oli. Hope to get your support.

warmest regards
Dheepa

Intially we meant this to tag on to the MDA post, but then we realized it was actually a scandalous find. Now, the questions we are cracking our brains about:

1. Who the hell is "Oli Dxxxx"? - Come on, go brainstorm. How many Oli personalities or management are there with names that start with D.

2. xxxxxxx xxxxx ??? - This is something harder and probably more suitable for the MENSA-qualified personnel amongst us. Good clue for a charade game though. 2 words, 7 and 5 letters. God knows, let us know if you have figured it out.

3. Inside news ? - Ah, everyone has their Yettapan waiting in the shadows.

oli, singapore, radio, hindu
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MDA Xchange

2006-12-09T18:51:00.000+08:00

Now, we pride ourselves on uncovering the hidden, the shoved under the litter box, the unseen to the public eye. KLKillahs have dug deep in an attempt to push attention away from the apparent neglect of this site, to bring you this never before published exclusive on certain exchanges between the MDA and members of the Yindian public.

We're back for good. Apologies for the slacking off. Some of us actually have work to do instead of sitting here and refreshing this page 50 times a day. Don't let this discourage you from bookmarking us [Ctrl + D], making us your start page , using our wallpaper [all 3] and whoring our emoticon on every chat window till you get blocked and deleted. Without further ado, witness:

You might get a little KLKonfused as we did because obviously one or two vital pieces of electronic mail were lost in cyberspace. Still, as long you get the drift. We didn't spend 2 crates of Chang Beer on this for nothing.

Jaya Mohan wrote on 25/10/2006 07:23:33 PM:

Dear Tessa Monteiro,

I am disappointed with your reply. I notice that my other issues have not been addressed in your email. Since you have said that "MDA has also consulted the Indian Programme Advisory Committee (IPAC) members on the matter and the majority feedback is that they accept the segments within Miss Vasantham as long as they are tastefully done and with the contestants' consent." I would like to know if these people are members of public or are they from media-corp/news media as well and if you don't mind you might want to reveal their names so that the Indians can get know them too. Kindly also make a survey of whether non-Tamil speaking judges are acceptable because I notice an invasion of non -Tamil speaking actors in Vasantham central right now too. I hope this does not become a trend even to other media stations unless necessary. I do not notice the same happening in the other channels / stations
and when Indian actors are given roles they will be like barbers or security guards, nothing wrong with these jobs but are Indians portrayed as only these types job doers, come on there are other roles that can be given to them too. If some of the matters are beyond your control you may want to bring up the matter with IPAC committee.

Regards
Jaya Mohan S/O Rajagopal

Tessa Mae MONTEIRO wrote on 26/10/2006 2:45:22 AM:

Dear Ms Jaya Mohan,

Members in the Indian Programmes Advisory Committee (IPAC) are members of the public who meet regularly to discuss, mainly, programming matters on TV and radio, providing advice to the MDA and the industry. You may wish to visit MDA's webpage at http://www.mda.gov.sg/wms.www/mediani.aspx?sid=596 for more information regarding the Committee.
We note your concerns with regards to the presence of non-Tamil speaking people on Vasantham Central's programmes. We also wish to highlight that our local channels often include other races especially in local programmes to reflect our multi-racial society and various talents. Nevertheless, we will monitor the situation together with the IPAC members and Vasantham Central to ensure Tamil remains the main language of the channel.
Thank you again for your valuable feedback.

Yours sincerely,
Tessa Monteiro . Manager . Communications . Media Development Authority
DID:+65 68379757 . Fax:+65 63364142 . Website: http://www.mda.gov.sg

Jaya Mohan wrote on 27/10/2006 6:53:00 PM:

Dear Tessa Monteiro

Firstly I am Mr Jaya Mohan you may address me as Mohan. Thank you for addressing my views.
I have no qualms over the inclusion of other races in any Tamil programme, except that English instead of Tamil becomes prevalent in that programme eg.Miss Vasantham where all the contestants opt to speak in mixtures of Tamil and English and when the preview was aired the girls spoke mostly in English. I suggest that all english speaking judges be removed immediately from Miss Vasantham for the Final and be not included in any Tamil programmes that are aired in vasantham central. Of course they can continue to include non-Tamil speaking actors if it is absolutely necessary for the plot of the story How many Tamil speaking actor do we see in the Chinese or Malay dramas?
Honestly, I am not too sure as to how long "Tamil remains the main language of the channel."

Regards
Jaya Mohan S/O Rajagopal

Mallika A wrote on 30 Oct, 2006 08:43 AM:

Dear Madam Tessa,

What was said by Mr Mohan was not only his view but the general view of most of the Tamils in Singapore. I am a Tamil teacher and I with most of the other Tamils feel this should be given importance and taken seriously. Please do the necessary actions.
With regards,
a.mallika

Tessa Monteiro wrote on Thursday, 9/11/2006 3:08:39 AM:

Dear Ms Mallika and Mr Jaya Mohan,

We have reviewed the programme, Miss Vasantham finals and agree that it could have catered better to Tamil viewers. We have reminded Vasantham Central of their primary role of providing programmes in Tamil for the community, and have issued them a stern warning with regard to the extensive use of English, especially in the Miss Vasantham finals.

The broadcaster is now more mindful of the sensitivities of its Indian viewers and regrets the excessive use of English in the programme.

We thank you both for highlighting this issue to us.

Yours sincerely,
Tessa Monteiro

After this reply, mass e-mailing all friends who were in the loop, Jaya Mohan wrote on 9/11/2006 10:56 pm:

Dear All
The reply from MDA is below please. Thanks to all that we got what we wanted ..... due recognition for the TAMIL LANGUAGE. We must take it to the next step by ensuring that this does not happen again not even repeated elsewhere in any of our own programmes too where possible.

If anyone of had read the NEW PAPER dated 31/10/2006(Tuesday) and the replies given by the producers etc. I think you would have cried over the demise of TAMIL. Thank GOD and good people who still happen to be around that common sense prevailed.

My next step is to knock on the doors of STB regarding Deepavali Decors at Serangoon Road, it ain't over till the fat lady stops singing and I can assure you that I will not stop for anyone or anything come what may for the sake of our BELOVED LANGUAGE.

Thanks again people
Regards
Jaya Mohan

cc - Miss Sarala Devi KALASILVAN [employee at Singapore Tourism Board] - Attached reply from MDA is for your information too. I hope you can also see the way MDA does. Please keep this in mind when your department supports any other languages other than Singapore's 4 official languages. It is still early to make amends and discuss and discard the other languages when it comes festive decors because I did not see other languages being used at Geylang Serai or Kampong Bugis during the Hari Raya Festivities or even Chinatown at Mid-Autumn unless I was short-sighted during their festive period, which is definitely not the case. I have not seen the Christmas decor I hope they can have Tamil words too if your department don't mind.

Is this enough to whet your appetite? More on the way as we unearth them. The secret world of e-mails and penned prose. Go wild with your comments. MDA spokes person's e-mail address is listed above if you care enough to start your own round of fresh opinionated repartee.

singapore, tamil, mda, miss vasantham, vasantham central, stb
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Blurt

2006-11-30T17:58:00.000+08:00

If you're wondering where our KLKillah mascots [Yogi and Oldie flippin the bird] have mysteriously vanished to, the only logical explanation for that is that someone's fingers got a little too itchy.

ah_neh in another of his miscreant episodes managed to mangle the template for this site so bad, the mess in the aftermath resembled Margaret Thatcher on a bad hair day. Still, using minimum intelligence we're back albeit with a less classier look.

Expect tagboard, polls, links and downloads to remain off the screens for a few more days while we hunt around for a suitable replacement or a suitable HTMLexiconist to aid us in the revival.

On another note, KLKillahs is introducing a new initiative whereby Nal will intrigue us with her latest finds after trawling through the Yindian blogosphere. It will be called "The N-Word", inspired by the now defunct and hopefully extinct Kramer from Seinfeld. We welcome you to flag up any relevant site or blog worthy of being on our "Best of the Week" column. E-mail your suggestions to kelingkillah@gmail.com . We'll reply if we like you enough.

KLK: WTH happened to the page man!
ME: I kinda fucked it up. Optical mouse issues.
KLK: You deleted stuff and couldn't get it back?
ME: Worse, I decided to save and republish while at it.
KLK: Mada Sambrani.
ME: Point taken. Can we move on now?

Chrissy Cheer

2006-11-27T13:34:00.000+08:00

We're starting Christmas a month early here. Just like how we visit the pawnshop a month before Diwali in order to satisfy the "ang pow" cravings of the little brats who visit our homes.

Some quips in ~~American~~ Aussie context, still a good laugh lies ahead.

12 Cricket Ball Tamperers
11 Syllable Names
10 Minute Yoga
9 Telemarketers
8 Bollywood Films
7 ELEVEN Workers
6 IT Graduates
5 Indian Games
4 Hare Krishnas
3 Butter Chickens
2 Nosy In-Laws

and

A TOTALLY INSUFFICIENT DOWRY

christmas, boymongoose
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KLKlangover

2006-11-26T22:20:00.000+08:00

We think we've got too serious in recent posts so we're gonna try and take the piss out of it all. Actually, we have no idea what serious means. Our paid by the hour ghost writers fill us in on the minor details most of the time. Them and the 12 monkeys we have hitting keys at random.

An apt reminder of how your drunk ass weekend ought to have felt like. It's always a fun "who drank what" guessing game on lazy Sundays. Stolen from a chain e-mail [sparingly edited] and inspired by the evolution of Stout [now with ginseng added for that extra oomph!]. What next? Thulasi leaves in Tiger?

No pain. No real feeling of illness. You slept in your own bed and when you woke up there were no stolen No Entry signs in there with you. You are still able to function relatively well on the energy stored up from all those vodka and Red Bulls. However, you can drink 10 bottles of water and still feel as parched as the Sahara. Even vegetarians are craving a Shakuntala's buffet, scalding Mysore Mutton and all.

No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have the attention span and mental capacity of "Ghajini". The coffee you hug to try and remain focused is only exacerbating your rumbling gut, which is craving a Mac Dees Big Breakfast. Although you have a nice demeanor about the office, you are costing your employer valuable money because all you really can handle is some light filing, followed by aimlessly surfing the net and writing junk chain e-mails.

Slight headache. Stomach feels crap. You are definitely a space cadet and not so productive. Anytime a girl or lad walks by you gag because the Hamam soap and Parachute oil smell reminds you of the random tequila shots you did with your KLKudikaaran friends after the bouncer kicked you out at 3:45 am. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with "dua telur satu kosong" pratas and a litre of mango lassi watching Vanakkam Tamizhagam. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 6 Panadols and a litre of liquid yet you haven't peed once.

You have lost the will to live. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might spew. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but you smell of socks, and you can't hide the fact that you (depending on your gender) either missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, or, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the dodgems.

Your teeth have their own individual sweaters. Your eyes look like one big vein and your hairstyle makes you look like a reject from a Primary 2 class circa 1976. You would give up a weeks pay for one of the following - "Rest In Bunk / Attend C" time, a bloody steak burger and somewhere to be alone, or a Time Machine so you could go back and NOT have gone out the night before. You scare small children in the street just by walking past them.

You have a second heartbeat in your head, which is actually annoying the employee who sits next to you. Vodka vapour is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. You'd cry but that would take the last drop of moisture left in your body.

Death seems pretty good right now. Your boss doesn't even get mad at you and your co-workers think that your dog just died because you look so pathetic. You should have called in sick because, let's face it, all you can manage to do is breathe...very gently.

You arrive home and climb into bed. Sleep comes instantly, as you were fighting it all the way home in the taxi. You get about 2 hours sleep until the noises inside your head wake you up. You notice that your bed has been cleared for take off and is flying relentlessly around the room. No matter what you do you now, you're going to chuck. You stumble out of bed and now find that your room is in a yacht under full sail. After walking along the skirting boards on alternating walls knocking off all the pictures, you find the toilet. If you are lucky you will remember to lift the lid before you spontaneously explode and wake the whole house up with your impersonation of walrus mating calls.

You sit there on the floor in your undies, cuddling the only friend in the world you have left (the toilet bowl), randomly continuing to make the walrus noises, spitting, and farting. Help usually comes at this stage, even if it is short lived. Tears stream down your face and your abdomen hurts. Help now turns into abuse and he/she usually goes back to bed leaving you there in the dark. With your stomach totally empty, your spontaneous eruptions have died back to 15-minute intervals, but your body won't relent. You are convinced that you are starting to turn yourself inside out and swear that you saw your tonsils shoot out of your mouth on the last occasion.

It is now dawn and you pass your disgusted partner getting up for the day as you try to climb into bed. She/he abuses you again for trying to get into bed with lumpy bits of dried vomit in your hair. You reluctantly accept their advice and have a shower in exchange for them driving you to the hospital. Work is simply not an option. The whole day is spent trying to avoid anything that might make you sick again, like moving. You vow never to touch a drop again and who knows for the next two or three hours at least you might even succeed.

*Thanni thoti thedi vantha kannu kutti naan plays throughout this debacle between you and your inner Anniyan*

Did I happen to mention that no matter which of these hangovers you manage to qualify for, you're always thankful you're alive. Especially after speeding home at 120 km/h in your Lancer on the deserted CTE after walking out of an after-hours club and getting slapped in the face by our mutual friend, Mack Daddy Surya Bhagvan. Trust me you, it's the shittiest pheeling in the world.

Credit: Praba for input.

alcohol, hangover
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Stand Up KLKomedians

2006-11-23T03:41:00.000+08:00

We've always wondered. Will a pure Indian / Tamil comedy club work in Singapore? For example, would you pay $40 minimum to walk into a joint, be served finger food and a drink and then spend the next hour or more hearing yourself, your lifestyle, your intelligence or your race being insulted?

Comedians work in different ways. Some do political comedy, works with dissing Bush in the States and works with dissing gahmen policies in Singapore. Some do "pick an audience member and go at him". That works most of the time especially when you can pick out someone who is clearly different racially or physically from the rest of them.

However, since the late 80s a certain formula also has proven to be jackpot. Where comedians make fun of their own race. Eddie Murphy, Chris Rock, Bernie Mac and other comedic greats all got away regularly with pointing out the nuances and quirky lifestyles of their Black people and entertaining the masses while they were at it. Newest entrant in this market would be Russell Peters, who with humour cracks the invisible wall between Caucasians and understanding Indian accents and their "weird" Yindian ways.

Looking at Yindian comedy in Singapore these days, it has meandered towards standard "I jack you, you jack me" routines on stage and classy yet not so "in your face" skits on commercial programmes. Where, Black comedians can spout out "nigga", "motherfucker" and "ho" with regularity and are met with applause rather than rotten tomatoes, will it work here? Can you fathom Elamaran or Vadivalagan hosting a stand up gig at a comedy club, imparting to you what they REALLY think of "kelings"? Or is this just another ripe opportunity for half finished Chivas bottles to be fling - flung?

Granting creative license and having the good common sense to appreciate self-deprecating humour aside, some comics still do cross the line. Thing is, will you recognize it when they do, or would you still think it was part of the act?

Seinfeld's Michael Richards [Kramer] found out the hard way but paid quite little in lieu of his errors [public apology]. Even in peaceful, squeaky clean Singapore, we'd have our money not on "Well, thank you for being sweet enough to apologize" but "Off with the mofo's head!".

The tirade:

The apology:

stand up comedy, michael richards, kramer, racism
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KLKommunikasi

2006-11-21T07:31:00.000+08:00

We're soo not morning people. You'll see why in an instant.

Firstly, results of the mini "who really gives a fuck about your sexual appetite" poll on who turns YOU on:

As expected, Asin kinda blasts ahead of the competition. Being one of those who can't even recognize some famed Kollywood director if placed beside him on the train, I can imagine why the sweet girl next door would be most popular. She's the only name other than Trisha and Jyothika I recognize. So it isn't about the meat at all isn't it?

Namitha! Namitha! Sorry, we just have this thing for B grade film stars. A rags to riches, support the underdog fetish of ours.

Next, although it is our desire that everyone is as broad minded as the egoistical bastards we are, we have succumbed to the pressures of being politically correct. Not in our content at least. Still we offer a helping hand to those of youse who'd like to introduce this fine site to friend and foe but hesitate mainly due to the "keling" in the URL. We feel your pain, no seriously we did, like in that 5 seconds between finishing our beer and popping the cap of the next Stella Artois.

Problem solved.

klkillah.blogspot.com and klkillahs.blogspot.com are now owned by the KLKillahs and have auto re-direct scripts installed to send all of you back here anyway. Have a click at them. Credit: Ugra Chandi for his know-how.

Now, that we're done with the acronyms, we'll be working on other yinteresting freebies for loyal KLKlanites. Watch out for that in the coming weeks.

Power to the Kidugaan

2006-11-20T19:22:00.000+08:00

After the rip roaring success of the second instalment of the Kalinga Trilogy, KLKillahs felt it is only apt to recognize a talent who has been in the scene for quite a bit and has never failed to put on a good show when needed.

In fact, his quirky comic infused style in order to put across valid and relevant social issues is one of a kind. The KLKillahs tries also to borrow his style in some ways by making humour the base of most of our posts.

Understanding the digital world today, he has in fact uploaded onto YouTube a few of his skits that are all tabled under the "Power to the Kidugaan" series. You might have remembered them, you might not have, it don't matter. Just watch each and every clip [in Tamil] and comprehend that there is no need to copy off a tried-and-tested American formula, there is no need to resort to high wire antics, there is no need to treat the audience like they are blathering idiots; talent is talent is talent.

Big up to
Vadi PVSS

vadi pvss, tamil, comedy, singapore, vasantham central
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Trackback - Culturepush

2006-11-19T19:17:00.000+08:00

Culturepush publishes unique, under the radar events happening in Singapore and the region, hand picked to extend your cultural options every week. Broadcast [where we spotted the name of our fine site] is the companion blog of Culturepush and it flags up reviews and coverage of arts events in recent times.

Thanks for the link blokes!

culturepush, broadcast, arts, singapore
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Bus Ride Blues

2006-11-18T16:27:00.000+08:00

Hot on the heels of lack of minority representation on ATM consoles, comes the spotlight on TV Mobile, a service we can't ignore whenever we step onto a bus even for a few stops. A disillusioned member of the KLKlan writes in to state her discontent:

As a concerned citizen of the society who takes public transport regularly for lack of the luxury of being chauffeured around, i propose that SBS Transit put up the following notice on all their buses installed with the devil's spawn: TV Mobile.

Hello. welcome to SBS Transit. Your "used to be friendly until we installed TV Mobile" local bus operators. We hope you have a pleasant journey with us. We also hope you enjoy the annoying broadcasts we have lined up for you on TV Mobile, available in 2 out of the 4 official languages of Singapore. English and yes, Chinese. For the rest of you poor souls who were so unfortunate that you had to be born as a non - Chinese speaking individual. tough luck. Being the minority does not entitle you to the privilege of enjoying TV Mobile shows in your mother tongue. So please, bear with us for catering to only the majority population. If you find that difficult, please either take up mandarin language courses, or alight and take either a cab or an SMRT bus. thank you for your kind understanding that it is in our nature to sideline and marginalize certain groups of this society.

P.S. Feel free to write in to ST forum if you wish. but rest assured that we will delay in responding to your queries and also try our level best to ensure that we still do not include minority language programs.

Is it just me or is SBS transit showing a blatant disregard for the minority groups in Singapore by ignoring the discomfort, pain, suffering and overall unhappiness of these people when forced to watch mindless Chinese and Korean variety shows on the extremely pixelated and unstable TV Mobile?

Is it any wonder than that we'd rather pay ridiculous amounts in road tax, bid for exorbitant COE rates, and pay handsomely for a moderate to average car than to undertake the hazardous and highly nerve-wrecking experience of taking public transport? And since when are there more Koreans than Indians or Malays in this little red dot?

Ever since the introduction of TV Mobile into SBS Transit buses, life for me as a commuter has been nothing short of miserable. i have been force fed Chinese variety shows, breakfast shows, MTVs and commercials. Dude, if i were that inclined towards these programmes, i'd watch channel 8 or channel U. Is it any wonder then that foreigners ignorantly sometimes go "Singapore? That;s a part of China right?".

You claim that English is the lingua franca of the country. and yet you insist on televising Chinese drama serials on TV Mobile. well if you really think that the Chinese aunties and uncles will die from the barrage of English flooding their poor sensitive "mandarin only" ears, then what about our Malay and Indian aunties and uncles? You think they like having to tolerate listening to English constantly attacking their hearing? I'm sure as hell they don't appreciate it. And then what do you insensitive imbeciles do, but add mandarin gibberish to their agony. It's like rubbing salt on an open wound no?

All i'm saying is if you're not going to cater to the minority groups by giving air time for Malay and Tamil programs. then please be considerate and save us the horror of sitting through Chinese and Korean shows.

If you're gonna torture us. then at least keep it to English which is more universal and less bewildering. And if you insist on further damaging our already short sighted population by unleashing flickering screens and pixelated images. at least make sure you have a large variety of programs to keep us sufficiently entertained.

i realize that repetition is the way to imprint messages onto the subconscious. But why in heaven's name would anyone want to have Eason Chan's latest concert dates and songs imprinted in their subconscious? Be warned. the next time i have a nightmare of Eason Chan in his tight gay singlet and tatty denims or of Diva on a Dime putting together another tacky outfit, I'm gonna find some grounds to sue SBS Transit for emotional trauma.

Korean variety programs that display giggly, high pitched, and annoying hosts who get retarded contestants to behave in increasingly embarrassing ways are just not my cup of tea, thank you very much. By the way? I don't speak Korean.

You may also be interested to view a Chinese man's response to the furore, HERE.

Disclaimer: Views expressed are of a very impassioned architecture undergraduate and are not wholly representative of the views of the KLKillahs. Read with objectiveness and not regard this as a promotion of racial disharmony. You may visit the author's own blog HERE.

tv mobile, singapore, sbs transit
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Cultures - Fact and Fiction Q&A (Part 2)

2006-11-17T05:33:00.000+08:00

Hello all, I'm very happy with all of you who asked all sorts of responsible questions. It can be hard when you have to write about something that can be a sensitive topic in so many ways.

There were tons of questions on the board & I apologize if I don't reply to every single one of them, so keep asking and eventually they'd be answered. But as I said, i'm only going to answer 5 questions at each sesh, so voila. Read.

xoxo, Aresha

Q1. Dear Aresha, why do so many ppl hv e misconception that N.Indians are better looking than S.Indians, when we all know tt it ain't true?(Aishwarya Rai is South Indian!) - Confused

Dear Confused,

The magic phrase is "fair and lovely". You'd realise that people usually see North Indians as fair. Did you know that the number 1 selling products in India are whitening products? It's sad I know, but some people in the world have pinned this post-colonialist stereotype that fair = pretty.

I personally hate it when people come up to me and ask what kind of indian I am. Because it really doesn't matter what colour you are.

So yes, be proud of your skin colour, everyone's pretty to someone somewhere. I've seen some really pretty North Indians and some really hideous North Indians - likewise for South Indians. And South Indians have nice noses.

And yes, Aishwarya Rai was born in South India. Good point to make to those that think that all pretty Bollywood stars are north indians and not all the south indian ones are fat like Ramba.

Q2. Why do Chinese and Malays make fun of indians as apu neh neh. Wtf does that mean? - LadyLove

Ladylove, Hahaha. I feel you on this one. It's the same logic with the term "Keling", it's a derogatory slur that's so overtly used that many people think that that's the proper way to refer to an Indian. In my opinion, it's probably lack of awareness on the severity of the term.

Apu Neh Neh probably came about because whoever came up with that thought that the tamil language sounded like repeated ramblings of 'apunehneh'. It's the same as how some people refer to the Chinese being 'Ching Chong'.

I personally feel that there's absolutely no use in using any of it to refer to anybody. And I make it known to many that I HATE being called Apu, but it's tough when people still think its ok and in good jest to libel a friend that way. It's not. So just tell them to not call you that and be firm about it.

Q3. I have read that North Indians were actually nomads from the Middle East who came via the ganges plain and drove South Indians to the South and started living in the North? Is that true? - Nathan

To cut the long story short, it's the Aryans & Dravidians story we learnt in secondary school, where the Aryans were the lighter skinned and the Dravidians were those of dark skin. This is due to the Central-Asian invaders hundreds of years ago such as Greeks, Huns, turks and indo-gangetics.

The Aryans and Dravidians were all barbaric nomads back in the day that spoke different languages. In fact, the Dravidians were also living in early India but were forced to be mainstream or stfu by the Aryans. The Aryans were actually said to be Persians. So when you mix a hot persian-aryan lady with a Manly Central Asian invader, you get Shah Rukh Khan. Derivitive Dravidian languages are spoken by Pakistani, Bangladeshi, Sri Lankans and Nepalese.

So there.

Q4. I still see the m.c hammer-bhangra fusion moves on vasantham variety shows. so 90's!! u sumtimes see it in clubs too. are those dance moves are an innate indian quality or a nurtured one? - Guerrrilla

It's nurtured. For sure. It's not everyone's dying wish to be on Vasantham central at least once doing a lip-sync'ed breakdance. It's just that they show a large percentage of these dancable-klks on the telly, so people all think that once we hear a bangin' choon it will set us all off like a bunch of synchronized dolphins at seaworld.

Most of us don't do the distasteful pelvic-thrusty dances. They do a slightly more tasteful version called the 'chicago'. I'd like someone to tell me where the hell the term 'Chicago' came from because I most definitely don't see Lock Up touring America, much less Chicago. And the people in Chicago don't dance like that. And they're definitely not doing that in Chicago the musical. So yes.

Q5. Why is their hair short at the front but long at the back? Reminds me of horse. Yucks. - TheSariPartyGirl

MULLETS! They're called mullets. And they're not just Indian, they're a GLOBAL phenomenon. Sometimes, you have to remind these blokes that mullets are passe. So's cheaply-bleached/dyed hair. It's really not cool. It's so 1970's David Bowie.

The history and theory behind the mullet is that back in the day, it was a fashion statement for "business in the front, party at the back". I don't know why the hell some guys (not just indian) sport mullets. It's so 70's rock. and 1970 was a good 36 years ago.

The beastie boys actually wrote a song about how disgusting the mullet hair cut is. The song is called 'Mullet Head'.

Some bogan outback roo-burger eating Aussies still sport the mullet. They probably don't have much friends. HAHA!

HAVE A QUESTION?
send your own gripes, stereotypes, stories and misconceptions to hello@areshaonline.com or post a question in the comments form below with your strange question about anything and I will save the day with some form of explanation.

If you're wondering where the online form went missing to, well, unfortunately, ye should never rely on a free-to-use site totally. In our case, tag-board.com just got hacked. But keep the questions coming, we're in a preachy and teachy mood.

Fat Fly Fit

2006-11-16T18:13:00.000+08:00

KLKillahs chanced upon another rousing legal battle from the sub continent where our roots are. This time the furore is over the sacking of 11 employees from Indian Airlines on the basis that they were too fat to project the desired image of the airline.

Read full story HERE.

In the mean time, mrbrown has taken inspiration from the news feed to come up with his own satirical skit on the issue. Download his podcast entitled "Fly the Skinny Skies". [right click and save target as]

If you are one of those who gets jumpy when Yindian accents are made fun of, take it with a pinch of salt.

The main point of course is that, is slim really the ideal? Or really the Indian ideal? It's not unknown that somewhere deep down ingrained in our DNA, Yindian men love the meat on their women. The models at a recent fashion festival in Milan got a huge shock when underweight, anorexic chicks were rejected in favour of fuller bodied bustier models.

Then again, we don't really understand this whole fanaticism for the skinny now. Especially after years of Ramba, Ramya Krishnan, Nagma and Sex Bomb Shakila.

Just out of pure curiosity, looking at the top 10 heroines of Kollywood in present times, who would YOU wanna get naked in Tahiti with? Source: BehindWoods

indian airlines, fat, kollywood, mrbrownshow
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KLK Visits Kalinga Trilogy

2006-11-16T17:26:00.000+08:00

Never send a clueless non-Keling to do a Keling Kia's job. That was the first impression I got when I read the reviews of the Kalinga Trilogy - Separation. The review on the Straits Times on Tuesday (14th Nov) for example was obviously written by a non-Indian, non-Tamil who did not understand the nuances of language, the importance of dance and the ubiquitous nature of song in the play that are central to the Keling soul. Instead she spent time being distracted by the science of theatre, rambling on and on about "narrative", "internal monologue", "expositional dialogue" and "surrealistic mediation". Let me show you what I'm talking about:

Last Thursday the second instalment of Miror Theatre's Kalinga trilogy takes a tumultuous period in Singapore's history - 1946 to 1965 - and turns it into a cheeky amalgam of different performing traditions with mixed results. There were touches of therukoothu, traditional Indian street theatre, in the way Rodney Oliveiro and the magnetically feral Sani Hussin acted the parts of stylised storytellers, setting the stage for the play to follow.

It was an interesting choice, given the largely naturalistic style of the rest of the production. The contrast was jarring, but in a thought-provoking way, as if one were entering a slice of past life through a surrealistic mediation. There were dashes of the song-and-dance razzmatazz you usually find in musicals in the scenes featuring workers on strike. These, however, mostly felt stilted rather than subversively tongue- in-cheek. There were also many video clips used throughout the staging. This technique was used with greater success in the first play in the trilogy, staged at The Substation's Guinness Theatre last year. Then, the clips were used to evoke a mood rather than further the narrative. In this play, however, the tactic of using these clips as interior monologue scenes for the stage actors felt a tad too contrived.

The greatest challenge in writing a play about the history of Singapore is how to present all the information. From trade union strikes to racial riots to Independence, you learn a lot from this play via all the expositional dialogue. Consequently, however, one also never really shrugs off the feeling that this was more of an educational, rather than theatrical, experience. Two things made the first part of this trilogy highly engaging. One was the palpable chemistry of the ensemble cast, which remains in evidence here. Joanne Ng and S. Karthik, for instance, provided a welcome dose of comic relief with their energetic portrayal of a bickering couple.

The other factor was the central love story featuring stage actress Letchumi (Vicknesvari Vadivalagan) and Indian immigrant Shanmugam (V. Subramaniam), who is killed off in the second instalment.The widowed Letchumi instead finds herself increasingly attracted to an earnest young teacher Suntharam (Sivakumar Palakrishnan). But the narrative ploy of keeping this a chaste attraction that ends on a will-they-or-won't-they note wore thin after a while. The result was a heartfelt but patchy play, with interesting new ideas about the art of storytelling but an uneven hand in presenting these ideas.

You totally missed the forest for the trees, honey. Enough of the above "let's see how many big words I can put in a few paragraphs" review? Read the KLKillah version.

For those of you who don't know the story, here is it in a nutshell - starts from 1946, immediately after the war. It continues the story of Letchumi and the trials and tribulations she experiences right up to the separation of Singapore and Malaysia in 1965. The Separation is the second installment of Trilogy but this production stands alone. Even without knowledge of the first part, audience can still enjoy the performance.

Anyone with a keen interest in Singapore's history and unique culture will not want to miss this journey into the country's past - from the citizenship drive in the 1950s by the Indian community to the emotionally charged 1964 racial riots, from ugly incidents like the Hock Lee Bus riots to the Maria Hertogh controversy.(Synopsis courtesy of Esplanade website )

Kalinga Trilogy, directed by Vadi PVSS, is a play that sings right into the heart of every Singaporean Indian. Besides the careful research into our history, Vadi also made sure to represent the popular culture of the time to its truest. For example, he chose to insert a sing-and-dance item- a typical "aruvadai" song from cinema in the 1950s, which brings back memories of the stars of the time like Sivaji, MGR and S Muthiah.

We are all familiar with the patriotic songs from that era and the Kalinga Trilogy has a few orginal songs, in local context, that added oomph to the patriotism of the play. The strike song, the resistance song, the "every dog has its day" song - they all resounded with what we know of our turbulent history.

The actors were well chosen for the parts, although I was surprised that not more Indian actors were hired. (Read: Why didn't they hire me?) Maybe it was to maintain the multiculturalism of Singapore in the play. And get more multicultural bums on seats, of course. Some of the faces that we are used to seeing on the small screen, like Vickneswary and Sivakumar actually translate well onto the stage.

Vickeswary's classical dance background came through with her overdramatic sadness and larger than life decision making (Think Saroja Devi). Sivakumar is a natural and gifted actor, who really should explore his stage career a lot further. And the non-keling actors were just as good. Joanne, Sani and Rodney, you all have honorary Keling membership now.

After the play, Mr Vadi decided to have a open dialogue with the audience, hoping to get some intelligent dialogue and feedback. This turned out to backfire in the most embarrassing way. It was like having one of your once-a-year Deepavali guests tell you why everything about your house is wrong and that you should have consulted them before you bought it.

Why, Mr Vadi? Why open yourself up to that kind of heartache? Especially when you saw that the audience contained people who liked the sound of the own voice so much, they wouldn't let anyone talk? Even when you took their mic away! Especially when what they had to say had nothing to do with the play or with real life. . I mean, does anyone really need to know the 6 Sanskrit words for Lion? You should have just had Mr Samuel Doraisingam share his experiences of the time, and thus add truth to the beauty that was the Kalinga Trilogy.

For those of you who decided to invest the $25 on Black Cat and fags instead of a ticket, please start saving now for Part Three. It will be worth it. It will at least give you an extra bounce in your step the next time you are reminded you are a Keling Kia.

Top Ten KLKialisms

1) The event started late.

2) The girls were dressed to the nines and the guys looked like they just crawled out of bed. Esplanade? So what?

3) You laugh at grief. Yes, it's your coping mechanism. Laugh so you won't have to look like a pansy for crying along.

4) You don't notice that the actors say "wery", instead of "very", or stare-y instead of starry.

5) You clap along to the songs, even though your seat mate stares daggers at you for rocking the whole row.

6) You read the subtitles, even when the characters are speaking Tamil.

7) You don't flinch at strobe lighting or bright spotlights on the audience, thanks to the lighting designers at Amaran.

8) Half the audience is related, friends with or knows someone who knows someone who is a cast/ crew member.

9) You rue the fact that there was no love song scene daydreamt by the hero or heroine in the play.

10) The programmes were free, because no self-respecting Yindian will pay $10 to buy one.

To view news clips on YouTube, click HERE. We'd like to call out for anyone who has photos of the night in question to send it to us because our KLKamera was stolen and sold off at Sungei Road before we could buy it back.

kalinga trilogy, esplanade
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ATMatters

2006-11-15T15:53:00.001+08:00

A member of the KLKlan perked the interest of the KLKillahs with his recent letter to the forums in the so-called mass and only media available in Singapore. His issue was of something not terribly obvious, yet very fundamental in whether the proper regard is given for all minorities in this nation.

The actual letter was published on 8th November in The New Paper Forum page. It was also reflected in The Straits Times Online Forum on 7th November.

I just realised that DBS ATM machines have instructions in English, Malay and Chinese but not Tamil. I would like to know why this is so since Tamil is one of the four official languages in Singapore.
In the past, the lack of proper Tamil authoring software was an acceptable excuse. However, now the situation is completely different as there have been great developments in the use of Tamil in information systems.
There are a sizeable number of Tamil-speaking Indians who are unable to read English or Malay, especially the older generation. The needs of these people should not be ignored by DBS and I hope it will consider my suggestion.
Implementing this will definitely convince me DBS bank is among the best in the region.
Ponraj Manickam

It is our understanding that the person who is supposed to be the spokes-person for the bank is Janet Mohan , Vice-President, Customer Feedback & Service Management of DBS Bank. This was ascertained after viewing other replies to letters on DBS related matters. However, not a single reply was offered to Mr. Raj in view of his query when even letters published later than his warranted a "PR" laced reply.

Now that we've brought this to your attention, go ahead, let your comments be felt. Both here, and at the ST Online Forum if you will. Or write in with your own view on the matter to the media.

Last we checked, Tamil is still one of the official languages of our fine motherland, no? And wouldn't it be a hoot wanting to see how they get down to translating "Other Cash Withdrawal", "PIN" and "IB"?

On a similar vein, check out another hot topic brewing about TV Mobile programming, click HERE.

singapore, straits times, new paper, forum, atm, dbs, tamil
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Scandal Dua

2006-11-10T14:27:00.000+08:00

The KLKillahs just couldn't let up a chance for another round of fresh gossip. We reported recently that a not unknown Miss Vasantham winner, has been found after a massive manhunt. Well, not that massive, it just required some proficient "Frenster"ing.

Back to the story. We were tipped off and some even swore on their dead hamster's grave that she has already transcended singlehood to reach the realm of the married. In fact, eyewitness accounts of the engagment and subsequently a ring - exchange ceremony was also submitted to the KLKillahs. Apparently, everyone who was invited and attended it assumed that was the ROM.

Question is, is she really and legally married?

If she is, then how goes the entry into MISS Singapore India?

We're quite KLKonfused. Anyone cares to set this story straight?

P.S. Big up to all the gossip mongers out there who insisted we run this tale. Booyakasha.

KLK Profile #4

2006-11-07T13:03:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since we delved into Frenster profiling. People come up with the weirdest stuff these days, from questionnaires to yes/no quizzes to plain grovelling at the ladies' feet. But nothing prepared Esh for this onslaught [Editor's remarks in italics]:

I logged into Friendster today to discover that i have a new friends request. So the unsuspecting me clicks on the request to see who it was. And the unsuspecting me was thoroughly appalled by what i saw. Shock. Awe. Horror.

At this point, unable to accept what I saw, I ran across my living room filled with so much of emotions. I fell to the floor, and start sobbing uncontrollably. No one could stop me. I couldn't believe what I saw. [De ja vu. Did the same when we heard Saddam was gonna be hanged]

I had to tell someone about it. I couldn't contain it anymore. So I called the first person I thought who could help me regain some of my senses - Praba, and there I was recounting the drama to him amidst a fresh flow of tears. It was awful. Praba was already half way through his front door to do some serious damage to the person who was the cause of my tears. [Who? Praba? The bloke who didn't know how he got back after 2 pints of Hoegaarden and a half pint of San Miguel?]

After some advice from Praba I got to my senses and my KLKillah instinct got the better of me. Time to do some KLKulling baby! [Finally we get to the story, knn, so much build up]

Here's presenting Jurong Sarakuz. So apparently this one person, is a representative of all Jurong Sarakuz. And this person tried to add me. wtf? The display picture screams Jurong West and her hometown is Endrendrum Jurong!! Alright la machi!

I began dissecting the profile. There were no photos of people, but the captions to some of the pics made me wonder.

"Our Roko" - Oh you all endorsing Marlboro is it? Are ya'll doing it like how the old time beer ads do it, with skanky babes? [I believe the word is rokok with a k]

"Kudikariz" - So that was why you created this account...you were drunk right? [Never attempt anything dangerous like the world wide web under the influence]

"Your still ugly to us boys.." - [Gender stereotypes are so fashionable these days.]

Occupation:
Being a saraku in jurong.. [Do you get CPF with that?]

Hobbies and Interests:
slacking..make our place(jurong) to a better place..
[Heal the world. Make it a better place. Plus the last guy who sang that is on child molestation charges now]

Favorite Books:
is ther any books for us???
(yeah. makes me wonder too)

About Me:
Okiii...thiz profile is made up for jurong sarakuz..the intension is to make all the jurong gerls to get united and bring up jurong as a best place!! let us show all that jurong gerls are the best..any other gerls frm different loaction who wanna get united with us..your always welcome!! gerlz rulezz!! simply this profile is onlie for GERLS!!!! even if your ugly or pretti,fat or thin,jus add me!! coz no matter what gerls..we are babes!!!

Who I Want to Meet:
Jurong sarakuz..and whoever gerls wanna get united wid us..it wuld be nice if no guys are in this profile thanks..

Sorry la babes..I stay in Jalan Jurong Kechil. I know there's a Jurong in the name and all but that's still like miles away from Jurong West. Oh by the way, good luck on your mission to "bring up jurong as a best place!" When that happens, do inform us at KLK so that we can be proud of youse we could even help you recruit some NTU chicas so you can start a political party and vote for them.

I caught sight of the first testimonial and a fresh flow of tears unleashed from my eyes.

"Bila bila Jurong Sarakuz la
Wen fight comes we are
one for all all for one la"

Power to the giduga la machi!

Unbelievable. See how much trauma one profile can cause me! Poor me.

By the ways, i rejected the request. Not cos i thought they were an embarrassment whatsoever. I mean c'mon man, we all know about brotherhoods, so kudos to the babe who wants to promote some loving sisterhood here. In a world where everything is falling apart, we need chicks like these to unite and spread some lurrve, no? Why then didn't i accept them?

What can I say, guess I didn't fit their profile.

friendster
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Miss Vasantham - Grand Finals

2006-11-03T18:16:00.000+08:00

We apologize for the utter neglect we have left this site in. When faced with typing with athritis fingers against a coupla pints of good Hoegaarden, there was no other choice. However, maybe you'd still like our thoughts on a long foregone conclusion. The culmination of the Miss V saga. Praba was the only KLKillah home on a Sunday night so he could crack open some Pringles and savour the ladies with his trusty Singha beer. The rest of us evidently think Sunday night soccer is a much bigger draw. He says it like it is:

Firstly, watch the video of the crowning of the KLKween, HERE.

Indra. That's the name you would have heard upon the announcement of the winner. As an old army inche once said to one of us: "No two ways about it. Pack of balls." Now, who would have expected that this very poll that we conducted, could have actually been the sign. I could have kicked myself for not having started an illegal betting system online.There was no better way the show could have KLKicked off. Stakes were high. Mistakes were unaffordable. And winning was all that mattered. We've seen them doing their thing week in, week out. We know where who perserveers. And this is where it mattered most- The finals. Apart from the few who looked like they secretly knew that they've got through to win it, some had the word nervous written all over their faces.

It was the evening to be different. I wonder if Rafi's been reading us but, to my sheer amazement, he decided to judge the finals without his ugly shades. Whether or not it did justice to his looks but I think even the cameraman whould have stopped all the "KNN, take off those shades la" pleas. But when one door closes, another opens. Najip chose to leave behind his trademark hat. I didn't know so much hay grew on his hair. And heck, even Shamen decided to give away the vote percentages. And since it was the evening to be different, it also looked like Fazila left behind her answers.

The question for the day: "What does a woman really want?" A pretty undeviating question I'd say. Being a woman, and being asked about what you want, it's there for the taking. This is the kinda question that seperates the 'know what you're doing' from the 'doing what you know'. The kinda question that paramounts the well prepared a notch higher than the slow blooming ones.

Devi Priya: When I most expected her to virtually flip open her thirukural, scan through the pages, and nicely slip in one quote into the sentence when no one is looking, she decided to cut short the plan by saying "A woman wants happiness and fullfilment. And it's about going through hard lessons in life" Very true indeed. I don't know how far out her answer reaches but I'd say she answered with the confidence. Knowing what is expected and coming straight to the point.

Jamuna: So from being that 'blur queen' that she always was, the 'mangamma' seems to have really bloomed this time round. Though shaky at times, she has managed to pull this off quoting "All a woman really wants is to achieve her dreams and do what she wants to do" Now, I wonder if the whole of Tampines erupted when she answered. But for the night, she definitely looked like she meant business.

Indra: "A women wants to achieve whatever she wants in life. It's about having a career and being a mother as well as having a family and a piece of mind." This is the classic answer I'd have wanted to hear. All in one. Not too lengthy and straight to the damn point. One considerable thing was that most contestants came straight to the point. This is in stark contrast with previous rounds where everyone seemed to say everything else but the answer.

Yuvaneswari: "A woman wants success in whatever she does. Bring out the beauty within her. And doing something that she loves" That middle sentence sounded so Rupini's.

Revathy: "A woman wants security. She wants someone protecting her" I could do that honey. Really.

Jayanthi: "A woman needs love and to chase after her dreams" Why you early-early don't say?

Barathi: I've always liked her 'ah lian' tendencies. I've always wanted to scream something like "Fire fire burn so high - ah!" whenever she came one stage. That 'garang-ness' in her never stops. Again, she pulls off an answer quite similar to an upper cut by saying "Respected wherever she goes". Even Sorna Akka couldn't have put it more short and sharp.

Fazilla: Yes yes. I heard your "Yellarukum Vanakam" but that doesn't mean you put a full stop right there and smile for us to pick up our handphones to punch in that cursed number of yours. If you were at the finals, you'd have noted that the roof nearly erupted when her name was announced. But whether or not such an ovation made her nervous, if she could pluck the courage to say "Yellarukum Vanakam" in tamil, we'd expect you to find anything and everything else to pluck to continue with the answer. Your two words in tamil, as well as some repeated apologies and talk about life, wasn't worth our sixty cents. [Another KLKoup. After our 2 dollar outrage]

With the Q & A leaving the competition wide open like a golf course, Rafi did manage to pick up a good point. Competition definitely seemed to have improved from before. And it could be any three that could be in the top three. Especially since Fazilla slipped and everyone else seemed more than game to replace that spot with much appreciation.

Apart from the 'shake your bon bon' manuveres and the airing of clean shaved armpits by coiling like a snake vertically in the talent round, there wasn't much to salvage the votes. Revathy had her fair share of confessions to make in the pre recorded voice clip that simply voiced out the message "They said I should speak tamil, but they didn't say how much of tamil I should speak." Talk about being an oportunist. And the usual A-B-C-D's of barathi didn't have a V for votes. Instead, a V for vodka that we most likely presume would have been the main course and pretty much everything else. It jus wasn't the day for some.

Personally, I'd say Devi Priya deserved a peek at the top three position as much as Revathy did. And while everyone is pondering over why Fazila was chosen over other competitors, the answer is simple. In any pageant, no one is judged on the final day. This is not the champions league final. Any panel of judges will have a handful of their favourites. And while it all builds up to the final day, they'd have a rough idea of who they want to see in the final 3. My take on this is that whether or not Fazilla performed on the final day, absolutely didn't matter because the decision, most likely, had been made by the judges before hand. As painful as her performance was on the final day, it is not untrue to say she has consistently garnered good judge and crowd response through the weeks.

Many people are predicting that Faz will definitely get more air time in the near future than the actual Kween. We'll just have to wait and see.

So, that's that. Ended just like it started. Bang bang boom. KLKillahs indeed had a great ride on this whole wave and we feel we've shown the "power of the internet". Just look at the jabs we've got when the emcee speaks and the changes that have materialized in the general outcome of the show.

We'd like to end with food for thought though. The New Paper had an article on Miss V, here, and we quote directly:

It was a Tamil beauty pageant on a channel devoted to Indian viewers. So why were the contestants and the judges speaking more English than Tamil?

We love it when there's in-fighting within the ranks of the media. This is the main harbinger is it not? Was it an INDIAN pageant? Or was it a TAMIL pageant? Knowledge of Tamil wasn't even a criteria for auditioning for the show. We wanna hear your comments on this. Oh yeah, feel free to flood Vasantham Central's e-mail inboxes with your comments too. We say, "shoot people with water gun where got kick? Blast with water cannon better". *Grin*

We wanted to end but we won't get to sleep if we don't stir more shit and then relish our actions with some ice cold beer.

Why let the judges choose just 3 anyway? All 8 worked their arse out to get to the finals didn't they? Why should the public ONLY be confined to 3? Why not have it as fair as can be and let all 8 go at it in the SMS polls? Cos, there're favourites and non-favourites? Cos, there are some the judges and tv station would rather not be crowned as queen? Cos, there are some whom if you leave them with an open playing field they'd just cream the rest with their mates' SMSes? Cos, Yindians [the channel] are such control freaks?

We also blur.

Petronas Educates

2006-10-30T06:39:00.000+08:00

Every year, within the region, Petronas from Malaysia is one firm that puts up very meaningful and touching commercials to ring in the festive season. Their adverts do not showcase the joyous festivities but instead tug on the heart strings via well placed moral values.

We present Petronas's ads for Deepavali and Hari Raya. More clips of past years can be viewed at youtube and running a search on "Petronas".

The Deepavali clip wasn't found at youtube, hence you can view it at the Petronas website.

Credit: Balraj from Down Under for getting this to our attention.

petronas, youtube, deepavali, hari raya
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Miss Singapore India

2006-10-27T05:00:00.000+08:00

This Miss V thing is such a hot topic, we're indeed wondering if when it ends, what's going to be the next big thing. Maybe that dance competition called Dhool, maybe some random KLKuarreling at the India - Pakistan or LTTE - Lankan Govt borders. Anyhow, this is the round up of the polls. 155 people bothered to state their preference. And here are the supposed more popular ones amongst you readers.

1st
Indra
2nd
Fazila
3rd
Revathi & Devi Priya

We stopped at 3 since the final voting is gonna be the top shortlisted 3 anyway. But so what if you're not the top 3? Since Day 1, the girls together with signing up for the pageant have also conveniently been made to sign up with MediaKorp's AMU [Artistes Management Unit]. Anyhow, getting to the finals has already given them much media glare and exposure. We oughta be seeing them on our TV screens pretty soon, is our gut feeling.

Now, to point the focus to another Yindian beauty pageant, albeit one with much more class and scope [Sunita Rai was the winner in 1998]. The semi finals of Miss / Mrs Singapore India are coming up very soon. The ladies who have qualified past the intial stages are all up on their website and voting has also begun. It's also $2 a vote. And this time round, you don't sms but you do internet bank transfers, pay by credit card or mail them a cheque. Quite leceh if you ask us. In this one matter, the Vasantham approach was better.

First, view their website or open it in another window and read on: Miss Singapore India

KLKillahs explains WHY this is a true pageant, as opposed to televised reality shows masked as beauty pageants and searches for ambassadors:

1. Website

It looks upmarket. It looks professional. It's organized and sets information apart well. This is probably because it was made by a professional corporate firm. A firm that understands money buys quality and produced good quality.

2. Past Winners

Past winners of selected years are shown to portray the feeling that it is not a one-off show and that recognition will be due to you even years after you have held the crown and let it go. Unlike our favourite TV station that has let the INAUGURAL winner fade into oblivion, but wait, KLKillahs has a surprise for you. At the end of the post you'll realize what it is.

3. Profiles

If you notice, the only information provided is photo, name and age. Short and sweet. With Miss V, we saw how too much information became so detrimental. It even bordered on a little invasion of privacy. Ask any Googler, Frenster-rer, or MSN Spacer; full name / age / occupation is good enough for anyone to track you down. On top of that even we saw the amazing 10 questions, essentially interviews conducted via e-mail, un-vetted and published for the global audience.

It wouldn't be a lie if we said we enjoyed 50 Cent's 21 Questions better. At least they provoked our thoughts more with gems like: "And in bed if I used my tongue, would you like that? If I wrote you a love letter would you write back?"

4. Structure

The competition is a short and sweet one. Semis at an external ballroom and the Finals at a hotel ballroom. Swanky. In attendance of course are invited VIPs and industry movers and shakers who are more than willing to scout out any particular female they feel might do justice to their commercials or runways, and the general public including supporters. For the $80 ticket price, you get a five star dining experience, goodie bag and a chance to win lucky draw prizes. Well worked indeed.

5. Media Coverage

At first popularizing the invitation to join the pageant via ZoCards, there are also articles in The New Paper, Motherhood magazine and The Singapore Marketer. What more do you need to point out the event to all of Singapore? The New Paper was enough. All this compared to a badly scanned low-res Tamil Murasu article on the Miss V girls. We rest our case. Such an irony, that MediaKorp sucks at publicity compared to private organizers.

6. Sponsors

Now, all these high flying arrangements couldn't have been made possible without sponsors in cash and kind. At last glance, Miss Singapore India boasts a collation of 21 sponsors! And if you think they are all just providing groceries and free buffets, go read the list for yourselves under the "Event Partners" tab.

7. Prizes

The winner of this pageant walks away with 15 prizes inclusive of the crown and sash. What more does a 20+ year old girl need man? Also the winner represents Singapore in the Miss India Worldwide pageant. This on top of the guaranteed media exposure and glam. Even disregarding Miss V, Shabir too walked away with around $14,000 worth of prizes, but for what purpose? You crown an Idol and you don't cut his album for him?

Even if you didn't happen to be the top very lucky winner, you could still walk away with a sash. Miss Cover Girl, Miss Congeniality, Miss Body Beautiful are just 3 of the 18 subsidiary titles the girls stand to be recognized with.

8. Virtual Voting

Although, we felt this is much more strenous than typing out an SMS, indeed this pageant has embraced the E-Age fervently. You click on the chick you want, fill up your details and then just "submit".

As, the winners in the virtual voting category get an automatic bye into the Finals, and the 2nd & 3rd girls get an extra point in their semi final scores, you can imagine, everyone of the competitors should have activated family and friends do vote for them. You want to know the best part? Whoever is in the top 3 slots is constantly updated on the website so voters know who is lagging and who is forging ahead. Now, this is what we call, webpage - viewer relationship.

9. The Girls

Ah, we wouldn't be able to end this post right if we didn't flash up a coupla photos from the site we felt was mighty useful.

Now where have we seen this bunch before?

We can hear your hissing and your dissing already. But stop. Think for a moment. It's not wrong at all to participate in back to back pageants. After a farce of a pageant these women had joined, Miss Singapore India is a logical "atas" choice. Heck, you don't even have to win this one to get spotted. And these girls have already got into the Semis. 1 step away from the Finals. Sunita Rai is also not a one-pageant winner. She has been in tons, she wins some she doesn't win some. And so what? She's still a glorious catwalk model.

We felt some of them were attractive enough [by just this one photo] to make it big.

But you know our style. Will we ever not entertain you? Here, take a look at this one and tell us how many more Yindian women are going to not realize the essentials of good makeup and lighting. Wot a photo to parade yourself with.

Finally, we've solved the treasure hunt once and for all. Where did the missing Miss Vasantham 2004, Shobana go? Well she turned up here, that's where.

Lo and behold, apparently she shares our sentiments on certain media issues [excerpts from Frenster]:

2004:
Thanks to thoz who voted for me and supported me. I will do my best for the Tamil Language and for the Tamil Community. I m glad that as a Tamil gal i was able to bring the pride to my community.

2005:
Hi guys i tried my best and have realized that media industry does not respect or bother about talent. They just do programmes with whoever . Although i can speak good tamil nobody used me for their show for this reason. I'm really disappointed and wish to tell you'll that in singapore good talents are being wasted away and we need to do something about it. Seriously!!

2006:
Hi pple now I'm doing Padigal drama after my return from india.I'm a much focused person now I know what i want and what i need to do so look out for more of me this year as i chose my roles with great discretion.

Ah, we love being right don't we?

miss vasantham, miss singapore india, vasantham central, mediacorp, singapore
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Semma Kattai Sights

2006-10-26T06:33:00.000+08:00

Do you remember that show on Vasantham where they sent this team of already well known artistes to India to get auditions to possibly get their big break on the Kollywood Silver Screens?

Whatever happened to them? Any success? No matter who we asked, they just couldn't seem to remember how the series ended. Do fill us in on the details if you do know by leaving a comment.

KLKillahs thought, why just Kollywood? Let's send one of our own homegrown blokes to Hollywood instead. We thought it's a much better marketing tool anyhow, compared to being a celebrity guest accompanying group tours.

Quoting the Miss V website: "He has been one of the the highly-requested deejay by sponsors of Oli. He has accompanied listeners to multiple overseas trips to Delhi (twice), Sri Lanka (twice) and to Australia".

Isn't it time we got better copywriters working for MediaKorp? Since when does going on tours, TWICE [why they had to add that we have no idea], become an achievement and an accomplishment to add onto your CV? We don't even want to start KLKommenting on the obvious typo error in that sentence too.

Just so you know, if you are so dense, this was not a dig at the deejay but instead at the brilliant "wordsmiths" who update the website. But no matter what, "Pixxy Archival"; now THAT was a KLKlassic.

If you'd also like to send yourself to Hollywood, or fool a country bumpkin who thinks that Sex Bomb Shakila is still the Next Big Thing [pun intended], check out the Talladega Poster Customization site.

Disclaimer: Artistic license was used to the brink of its boundaries to produce this graphic.

Announcements

2006-10-25T05:06:00.000+08:00

Firstly, the KLKillahs would like to urge you again to support the local production Seperation: The Kalinga Trilogy [Part Two]. With regards to details, refer to our earlier post, Kalinga Trilogy - Part 2. KLKillahs will be covering the event and we hope it is a resounding success as Part 1 was.

What you probably didn't know was, students get a discounted rate. I believe it's only 20 dollars for them. Also, as this play is part of Kalaa Utsavam Indian Festival of Arts, you stand to win prizes after attaching your ticket stub to the lucky draw form available after the performances.

What you could win are a pair of Indian Airline air tickets to Delhi [top prize] and 25 $100 Mirchi - Taste of India vouchers [consolation prizes].

Tickets are still available. Book them now, HERE.

For more KLKorporate Shoutouts like this one, feel free to contact the KLKillahs. We are also now able to accomodate any advertising by manner of buttons or banners to promote your Korporate goods and services. Any KLKollaborations are also welcome.

Secondly, this pertains to the leaving of comments. Just for the general benefit of the masses, since 90% of all comments are left by "Anonymous". Just cos, you don't have a blogger account doesn't mean you can't state your name. Follow these two quick steps to stamp your own identity over the words you spew.

Step 1: Click "Other"

Step 2: Type Name

Thirdly, KLKillahs are proud to announce that after much MSN, e-mail and door-to-door marketing, we are left with only 50 pieces of the Vinayagar Decorative Plates we offered to fund our KLKillah Project. As seen below, we are now left with only the beautiful gold design.

We would like to appeal to all readers to continue spreading the word and purchasing the plates to aid funding our charitable project. The money for one plate will translate to providing a sumptuous dinner for two children. Let everyone revel in Deepavali fanfare shall we?

Miss V Preview

2006-10-23T20:44:00.000+08:00

So, we were treated to some informal behind the scenes action this weekend on the Miss V Preview show. And informal it was, to a certain extent. Informalities were noticed when everyone seemed so cool and relaxed compared to their edgy nervous twitchiness we so observe on stage. Of course, most of them stuck to the same game plan of only "praising" and never "dissing" fellow participants. We've seen them week in week out. We've commented on their performances week in week out. It all culminates next Sunday.

Is it a wonder that we're made to pay 5 dollars for the tickets? I think they should just ask all the fans to stay home, glued to their TV set, add another dollar [which would have come in as bus fare anyway] and vote 3 times for their favourite female.

There's been a lot of banter on whether the winner should be able to talk Tamil fluently, on whether they can crossover to other channels effortlessly. Somehow, just based on the last Miss Vasantham, who has conveniently got hitched and left the scene, we don't see this happening. But what the hell, go ahead give it a shot. A competition is there for it to be won aint it?

Firstly, we profile the 8 finalists, with some short notes on what we know of them, and what we don't see out of them:

Indra

1. Answers well
2. Tattoos are such a turn on
3. Doesn't seem to be involved in any petty politics, passes off as the big sister amongst them all

Fazilla

1. Pretty
2. Popular support
3. Shys away from really tough questions by effortless giggling.

Bharathi

1. Confident on stage, good stage presence [much like Kalaivani]
2. Good crowd support in the auditorium, don't know if it will translate to actual votes cast
3. Speaks like an Ah Lian. Heartlander through and true.

Yuvaneshwari

1. Cultural background helps much
2. Although using the wrong terminology, answers are mostly curt and to the point
3. Strikes us as a Tamil teacher more than a beauty queen

Jamuna

1. Former and only pageant winner, has professional grooming specialists too
2. Has already decided she is gonna win the thing, probably has worked out a good plan to net the votes
3. If Bharathi is Ah Lian, she takes the cake for Mangamma.

Devi Priya

1. Passes off as sincere after that whole "I aint good at Tamil so I memorize Thirukkural to be one up" line during the preview interview.
2. Some X Factor going on with her. Can't put your finger on what it is though.
3. Her flair might make her the eventual winner.

Jayanthi

1. Tall, leggy, certainly runway capable.
2. Has also played the SMS vote game well.
3. Maybe it's her natural look, but when posing most of the times looks uncertain.
4. She has KLKillahs' nod of approval for being the only one to credit a boyfriend for moral support through her journey.

Revathi

1. Pretty, as bloomed suddenly catching some of the judges' eyes.
2. Speaks well and added controversy too with last week's run
3. Has popular support, due being easy on the eyes.

So, now we're done with the round-up. The preview show also took the mike to the streets to catch public opinion and as expected, they found enough people to talk good about every single finalist. It would have been happening if they had egged people on for negative comments, but what the hell, it's your last episode. Go in peace.

Quoting some "insider" from the tagboards, apparently the judges make the final cut of the final 3 and then you get to vote for them. [Let's hypothetically imagine that this is true] If this was the plan, then why bother letting us know we have the power to choose? You've already eliminated 5 out of the 8 conveniently for us. We don't need that much help really, this aint an MCQ test.

But also, what would have been a more accurate guage was to let the voting run for one whole week. From preview show to final show. And then collate the results of all 8 and crown the winner. And of course, as said twice before, do a live graph like President's Star Charity on how many votes are actually pouring in. We all like to see a thrashing. If it actually happens.

Now, for the real mystery. Apart from "hearing it on KLKillahs first", like many pointers we've brought up and later were televised on the next episode, we would like to know a few other things. Maybe, if we list them out in bulleted points, it will look more like a powerpoint presentation so people actually GET the hint.

1. Prizes - What we've learnt over 12 weeks is that, they are looking for a so and so woman and they need the girl to do this and that, but what the fuck are they gonna win? What's the point of a competition when you don't even name the prize? BUT, guaging from the sponsors listed and the way Yindian shows usually flow, we figure a nice big hamper of:

a. 3 Hang Ten Polo Tees [1 red, 1 yellow, 1 green for DeepaRaya mah]
b. 1 EXTREME makeover at Rupini's
c. 1 years supply of House Brand Masala. Any masala you want, but you only got one choice.
d. 1 Ramya Krishnan autographed pattu pudavai from Haniffa's
e. 1 pair of diamond ear studs from Kamala Jewellers
f. 1 years free dinner at Sakunthala's Food Palace
g. 1 weekend trip to Bangkok by Magical Holidays
h. 1 autographed Liverpool jersey from Maran, 1 autographed blouse from Sunita, 1 autographed beanie hat from Najip and finally 1 pair of Rafi's own shades [Wow, now that's a collector's item, you know how many aunties will try and rob you of it not]

And of course, since controversy seems to be injected into everything on this show. Let's let Rafi accompany the winner on the Bangkok trip. But please inform the KLKillahs of your final flight plans, you never know, one of us might be on the same flight. We wanna hear the cheesy "what would you do if your husband cheated on you" lines first hand. *Grin*

2. The Internet - After some major prodding from our posts, the website decided to go on a slight overhaul in certain sections, albeit just once. They put up some photos. Can we forget their "look at me I'm still 15" PIXXY ARCHIVAL tag on their page? We really don't see why a TV station can have such a crap website when even one like Oli 96.8 FM has such a solid one it magnetizes you to explore it. And to think all possible followup on previous episodes were provided not by Vasantham Central but yours truly, the KLKillahs. Such is our dedication to quality reviewing.

Just to show how some other pageant websites look like:

We have transcended the E-Age we feel, where every firm, every event, every news worthy happening has to have a terrific website. Approximately 60% of all Net users, check out a company's website before even purchasing a company's products. But you don't need us to tell you that, you're the media, not us. And don't react to our criticisms on national television, it's embarassing. Whatever happened to free speech? If you got fuck all programming, then you have it.

I guess it's really now not about who turns up as the ultimate winner, in our humble opinion. It's really about what HAPPENS to this winner. And don't worry, KLKillahs will be watching. We don't all have cable TV you see, we're kinda stuck for choice, between crap free to air programming or pirated DVDs.

KLKillahs wishes all 8 women the very best of luck and we hope the winner really takes the finals by the scruff of its neck like an errant schoolboy who just stole your eraser. [had to plagiarize Maran a bit there, to credit his intellect that he finally let show towards the end of this series]

miss vasantham, vasantham central
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Deepavali In Melbourne

2006-10-23T03:25:00.000+08:00

We all know how your Deepavali went. But how about the poor innocent children we send across the seas to go get some quality education and hope they aren't boozing up while we're asleep? The Girl reports straight from the land Down Under on what varsity kids do when their folks aint there to watch them. Melbourne Masala!

Ah yes, the big day. I hope everyone had an awesome Deepavali. Here in Melbourne, there were lots of parties going on; the main one being the Deepavali Bonanza at Federation Square. My day didn't start very well and was kinda depressing because exam trumps Deepavali. But, as the day went by, all my Indian friends decided that since Deepavali comes once a year, we are going off to Fed Square and leave our exam worries in our rooms.

My Dad took the liberty to call me later in the night, exposing me to the sounds of merriment in my Grandmother's house making me incredibly homesick. But I digress.

Anyways, I went to a friends place, and we decided to dress up for the day. So we decided on wearing saris. Men, however do not understand that saris take a while to tie. I swear, the next time I hear a guy bitch about how long women take to get ready I am going to punch his nose flat. We have to do hair, makeup, tie the sari properly, pin it at the right places etc etc. It takes time. So while I was getting ready, there were 3 cars outside honking and yelling for us to 'speed it up'. Felt like Deepavali indeed.

I absolutely adored the walk to Federation square. Compliments from total strangers. Love it. Totally made my day. I exchanged a couple of 'Happy Diwali' wishes at the traffic signal and while crossing the street. I was in pretty high spirits by the time I reached Federation Square. [and here I wonder what kinda "high"] But nothing could prepare me for the sight at Fed Square. 3000+ Indians, jam packed in one parade. [we have 60,000 foreign workers thronging their hangouts each weekend babe]

My friends saw the crowd and were taken aback. Seriously, there were ambulances on the side, police EVERYWHERE. But, since we had taken the effort to get there, we decided to go ahead with it. It was like entering a battle zone. Everyone was pushing each other with absolutely no regard whatsoever. The thing is, nothing was happening. All I saw was people, people and more people. The stage was empty and the food stores were located in one corner. It would easily take me about an hour to get to the food and I wasn't going to risk ripping my saree.

So my friends and I stood. And waited. Finally some woman came on stage, yelled out a couple of 'Happy Diwali' greetings. I could tell that many of the men there were drinking and were determined to have fun no matter what. What a sight to behold. Desi men wrapped the Indian flag around and danced to no music. Oh, and some guy started banging on drums and half the crowd started jumping up and down. I was seriously worried that some kid might get trampled on.

Finally there was a performance, which was very energetic and the quite nice. That was the only thing that I enjoyed. After that there was classical music and speeches by non-indians, who made the crowd go mad when they dropped a couple of Hindi words here and there. Then the fireworks came on, and went on for about 25 mins. It was kinda drab at first, but it got better. The night ended with 20 sadars beating up 4 Aussie policemen.

As you can probably tell by now, the Fed Square event wasn't that great. It wasn't even good. It was a huge dissapointment. My friend said it was just a parade hired for one night so that every Indian in Melbourne can get together. Thank goodness for my super witty and sarcastic friends who made my night some what tolerable, at least I had a good laugh. The night ended with a dinner at an Indian restaurant, where I enjoyed the company more than the food.

All in all, I guess rather than the event or occasion it is the people around you that make festivities enjoyable. I never really appreciated family until I was without them. I hope everyone had an amazing Deepavali nonetheless. Cheerios!

Editor: Not quite the tale of booze, drugs and bush whacked bhangra but heck, as long you had a good one. This is the link to the event held: Diwali Parade at Fed Square. Damn early sleepers these Aussies. The opening ceremony was at 5:30 pm and the closing ceremony was at sundown. In the words of a Melbournian, that's "urmm..6-ish".

In reality of course, it ended at 9. Cos, no matter where in the world you wanna hold a Yindian event. It MUST end later than projected.

Photos from: Amanda Sim

KLKampbell Lane

2006-10-22T16:06:00.000+08:00

KLKillahs took a bit of time off our busy schedules and decided to have a sit-down in the bustling Campbell Lane last week. Initially the agenda was all about a few smooth Heinekens and some "kodal" to "thottu nakku". However, things happened to take a turn up a different road. What can we say, we love to bitch.

Campbell Lane, nothing to do with that tin can of soup you tend to break out when mummy's not cooking, has always held court to many bustling businesses. The Towkays [and some say Great White Sharks] of Tekka, Jothi Store has held its KLKorporate HQ there for years and this year, much like previous years, there was a Deepavali Bazaar held by barring the lane to traffic and erecting massive tentages.

In the first place, it should not have been called a bazaar. What it should have been called was "THE EXTENSION". Every brick and mortar shop along the lane just EXTENDED their doorsteps a coupla metres forward, added a tentage and voila! A Bazaar! Wow. Pure marketing geniuses. Now why didn't WE think of that?

And yes, we hope this marks the demise of that goddamn SUPER DUPER Deepavali Expo they hold every year because there so happens to be an open field opposite Mustafa's. I say, quit the expo idea and launch an open air cinema. So, everyone has something to do in between all that shopping. Instead of the blokes crowding outside Oli's M3 effectively stopping traffic with their arses, let em have a picnic we say, and catch the same Vivek comedy scenes on loop.

Still, we made a quick walk through making sure that we didn't let any exquisite "product" out of our view. Upon reaching one particular section though, simultaneously all 3 of us KLKillahs had a new brainstorm. This bazaar was the ideal place to purchase accessories and items for next year's Thaipusam. What luck. Praba immediately found his calling. He was always the muscially inclined one amongst us, always wanting to drum his beats wherever he could find a hollow surface. We had to give a pass on this one because even if it is against the law, we'd like to be knocking on an instrument that had more "mangalam" to it. Unfortunately, this one wasn't red-yellow and just looked gay.

What we did find and bought 100 pieces of because we have never seen such beautiful artwork, stitching and material all in one joint was this:

Simply put: "Kala tapa Style mesti ada"

The KLKillahs then proceeded to yet another one of our legendary coffeeshop meet-and-greet sessions. At this vantage point, nothing missed our eyes. Even the ones who insist on pissing in the dark alleyway right below the Police CCTV camera, set up to catch errant pissers.

Is it that we then spotted the host of Miss Vasantham trudging through the bazaar evidently to do some shopping for the festive weekend?

We did raise our hands to get his attention but were met with a nonchalant expression. A pity. We were seconds away from walking over to introduce ourselves. "Hi, I'm ah_neh, and I'm a KLKIllah. These are my mates Praba and Chandi. Oh and by the way, could you please get that bloke Rafi to take off his shades?". We couldn't introduce KL (Kuala Lumpur) Killah and K(ama)L Killah yet as they hadn't signed our lengthy confidentiality agreements [mostly because the table was wet with melting icecubes].

Alas, you can't just go up to "celebrities" and introduce yourself these days. Who knows, they might have their contingent of bodyguards hiding behind one of the lampposts ready to ambush any naysayers. Well, his car license plate number will have to suffice. We rolled it for both Sat and Sun draws. But the cursed numbered balls also decided to play "celebrity" with us.

Now you may question, what was the fuckin point of this post at all? Did it have a moral to the story? Why the fuck are you just blabbering on about what you did, where you walked, and how there was a total lack of beauties in Tekka on a dismal Tuesday afternoon? Ah, but there is!

When you take 2 photos and MMS it to your e-mail for a grand total of 60 Singapore Cents, you sure as hell will take the time to plug in a huge story just so these 2 photos can see the light of day. So, sorry. We're Yindian.

With that said, hope you had a marvellous Deepavali, and we welcome readers' posts on your tremendous or horrendous Deepavali experiences. Email us your material and we'll post it up.

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